Expectations play such a significant place in our lives – we have expectations of ourselves and others in our daily activities. We expect ourselves to be able to perform well (or exceptionally) in our work, our sport and home life. We have expectations of others in terms of their words and actions and the level of support they provide to us.
Sometimes we can be captured by external expectations in terms of fitness, health, the way we look, our level of income, where we live and what we wear. Dr. Harrier B. Braiker captures the essence of this “disease” – fulfilling everyone’s expectations of you to avoid rejection and anger – in her new book, The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome. Harriet is the author of the 1986 book, The Type E Woman: How to Overcome the Stress of Being Everything to Everybody (reprinted in 2006), in which she challenges “erroneous expectations”.
Expectations can often lead to conflict. If someone does not fulfil our expectations through their words or behaviour, then we can be upset, annoyed, angry or resentful. This may extend even to the simplest tasks around the house as well as in the workplace where we have expectations of our managers, colleagues and peers. Mindfulness can help us gain self-awareness and self-management with respect to our expectations.
Managing expectations through mindfulness
George Pitagorsky, in his article, Using Mindfulness to Manage Your Expectations, focuses on expectations in a work situation, but the principles apply to any context. He suggests two key strategies for using mindfulness to manage expectations at work:
- Being mindful at the outset of a project to ensure that expectations of all involved are aligned.
- When expectations are thwarted, being mindful of the feelings you experience and learning to use the gap between stimulus and response to self-manage.
George is the author of Managing Expectations: A Mindful Approach to Achieving Success. His book which focuses on the experience of a Project Manager involved in organisational transition “explores how to apply a mindful, compassionate, and practical approach to satisfying expectations in any situation”.
Phillip Moffitt discusses the Tyranny of Expectations and argues that living in the now, developed through meditation practice, is the way to free ourselves from this tyranny manifested in the endless cycle of ever-increasing expectations.
As we grow in mindfulness through mindfulness meditation practices, we can become more aware of the nature and impact of our own expectations and those of other people and develop our “response ability“, so that we are not held captive by our expectations or those of others.
By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)
Image source: courtesy of ivanovgood on Pixabay
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