Author: Ron Passfield

Mindfulness for Writing

In a previous post I discussed writing poems as a mindfulness practice.  It appears that the benefits of writing and mindfulness practices are bi-directional – writing develops mindfulness and mindfulness practices (such as meditation) can facilitate writing.  This latter concept was a sub-theme of the recent Healing Through Writing Festival hosted by Janelle Hardy.

Mindfulness for writing

During the Healing Through Writing Festival, April Davila offered a pre-recorded session on ways to use mindfulness practices to make writing flow more easily.  April made the point that there are many obstacles that can impede us as a writer, including perfectionism, distractions, negative self-stories, imposter syndrome and fear about outcomes.  Even writers as famous and accomplished as Simone de Beauvoir were beset by self-doubts and fears of not being good enough.

April explained that writing becomes more difficult and more painful as you become more accomplished because your own expectations and those of others increase – it is harder to please yourself and others about the quality of your writing.  You can become a constant self-critic, finding fault with every aspect of your writing.  Simone, for example, started a new novel in 1933 but abandoned it because she thought “characters in her first novel lacked depth”.

After completing her Graduate Certificate in Writing in 2010, April found that writing her first novel was very difficult.  While undertaking a marketing job, she would get up at 5am to begin work on her novel – a practice she employed for years without achieving her desired outcomes.  Her short stories were being rejected and her novel was not progressing.   However, in 2016, everything changed for her with acceptance of her short stories and publication of her award-winning novel, 142 Ostriches, in 2020.

April explained in her session that what changed in terms of her writing approach was the integration of mindfulness into her writing routine.  She spoke of “habit stacking” – using existing habits as a lever to develop new habits.  Her existing daily habit began with coffee followed by journal writing and then writing her novel/short story.  By interposing a 10-minute meditation between journalling and beginning her creative writing, April found that she increased her focus, overcame writer’s block, became more creative in character development and more resilient in dealing with rejections by publishers.

April contends that “writing demands attention, clarity and emotional presence” – all of which are difficult to achieve in a world full of “noise”, but which are identified benefits of mindfulness meditation.  She offers a  “10-Minute Reset for Your Writing Brain” in her blog post, Mindfulness and the Writing Life: How Meditation Supports Creativity.   In another blog post, How Mindfulness Can Make Writing Easier, April advocates for starting small with mindfulness practices and applying the same small principle to writing sessions.

April offers a 6-weeks course, Write More, Suffer Less, covering topics such as mindfulness practices, finding focus, managing resistance and fear, and developing calm and equanimity,   The online classes incorporate writing exercises, guided meditation and brief lessons.  Writers are waiting expectantly for April’s new book, Sit. Write. Here: 6 Mindfulness Practices to Help You Write More and Suffer Less.

How does mindfulness help the writing process?

There are many benefits that accrue through regular mindfulness practices, especially through daily meditation.  Some of the benefits relevant to the writing process are discussed below:

  • Developing positive habits – Leo Babauta, a world leader in habit development, contends that “mindfulness is the key to habit change”.  This relates to whether we are developing a writing habit and/or other habits related to writing, e.g. reading, reflecting or making notes.  Sometimes this will involve overcoming bad habits which Leo found in his own life because of his addictions.  Leo maintains from his own experience that mindfulness can help to overcome obstacles that impede forming a new habit.  He is the author of The Habit Guide: Zen Habits’ Effective Habit Methods + Solutions and creator of the Zen Habits blog.  Like April, Leo argues for starting small both in terms of developing a mindfulness habit and creating any other habit change.
  • Cultivating flow – engaging in a mindful practice before writing creates the preconditions for achieving “flow”.   These include preparation, focus and attention.  Adopting a mindfulness practice, however brief, before commencing writing serves as a preparation ritual and facilitates what April describes as “dropping into a state of flow”.  Mindfulness develops both focus and attention – the other preconditions for ”being-in-the-zone”.  In his book, Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, Daniel Goleman maintains (from his research) that mindfulness meditation can cultivate excellence through developing focus and concentration.  Janice Marturano argues that we can develop focus and clarity in our endeavours (such as writing) by undertaking a mindful pause through one of the many mindfulness practices available today.
  • Identifying blind spots – our blind spots can impact many facets of our life besides writing.  Blind spots can operate cognitively and/or behaviourally.  They can negatively impact our writing by making us blind to what is going on within us and outside of ourselves.  Mindfulness trainer Kelly Boys, author of The Blind Spot Effect: How to Stop Missing What’s Right in Front of You,  offers a meditative exercise to help us to identify our core blindspot. 
  • Developing self-awareness and emotional regulation – Daniel Goleman, co-author of Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain and Body, describes emotional self-awareness as the capacity “to recognize our own emotional reactions” and considers it foundational to developing emotional intelligence.   Emotional intelligence, in turn, enables us to better manage our emotions and achieve what is often termed “emotional regulation” – the capacity to handle emotions such as resentment, envy, frustration, disappointment and anger.   In his book, Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, Daniel contends that mindfulness meditation helps us to manage our emotions as well as our focus and attention.   

Reflection

I wrote the following poem after reflecting on what I have written in this post and drawing on my own experience of the impacts of mindfulness on my writing:

Mindfulness for Writing

A small start to a long journey:
exploring within and without,
a journey into the inner landscape,
knowing and understanding triggers,
identifying feelings and initating thoughts,
throwing light on blind spots,
making space for creative solutions,
opening to the needs of others,
seeing the world in a new light.

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Image by Thomas G. from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Time as Metaphor

George Lakoff and Mark Turner point out in their book, More Than Cool Reason: A Field Guide to Poetic Metaphor, that we “deal with time metaphorically”, just as we do with other abstract concepts such as life and death.  In a previous post, I discussed how a metaphor itself shapes our perceptions and world view and how poetry can enable us to change metaphors and break frames.   Time metaphors are pervasive in our everyday language and expose how we view time.

Time metaphors

In this current post, I discuss several time metaphors and explore ways to break free of the constraints in thinking and feeling that they elicit:

If only I had more time

The desire for “more time” is fraught with difficulty because “time” is finite in the sense that we only live one lifetime (normally, up to 100 years).  The saying suggests that we could do “more of the same, without reflecting on how we use our time”.  We need to review how we spend our time, e.g. in watching TV, sleeping, going to the movies, talking, spreading rumours, playing video games, engaging with social media, feasting on the news.  We can treat time as an endless commodity to be drawn on at will or view it as something that is finite and valuable.  We can waste time or fritter it away because we have not learned to value what time represents – our chance to learn, grow, contribute and support.  There is more to time than meets the eye.

Killing time

This is a way of saying: I need to use time up because I have too much time.  It suggests that  we are bored, have nothing positive or productive to do.  This is an opportunity to savour the freedom of boredom.  We are consumed by the need to be doing things all the time, to fill in time with activity.  The emphasis on “doing” instead of “being” creates its own stresses.  Boredom can be freeing in that it motivates us to be more creative in how we spend our time – the work that we do, our leisure choices, our creative pursuits, developing relationships, our mindfulness practices.  Arlie Russell Hochschild suggests that our need to be busy creates a Time Bind that means we are caught up in an obsessive need to fill in time with activity. In the workplace, we have to be seen to be busy – what Christine Jackman describes as “performative busyness”.

Running out of time

This expression often refers to an impending deadline, one that is externally imposed or self-created.  We can review the external deadlines in terms of importance and necessity and, where possible, negotiate a change in timeline.  Self-imposed timelines are time- traps of our own creation.  We can review them and question why we have created them – are they the product of limiting self-beliefs, a need to please, or a need to achieve?  In reviewing our self-imposed deadlines, we can ask ourselves, “How necessary are they?” “How could they be changed/adjusted?”  By way of example, when I started out writing this blog, I set myself the goal of daily blog posts. This became unsustainable when I started co-facilitating manager-development programs across the State. On the advice of my mentor, I changed my goal to two or three posts a week. I have subsequently adjusted my timeline again to reflect my desire to write a series of e-books based on this blog.  I now aim to write two 1,000 word posts per month, along with updating my archive page.  Adjusting our self-imposed deadlines for changed circumstances becomes essential if we are to avoid creating unnecessary stress.

Wasting time

We often hear the expression, “That’s a waste of time” or “Stop wasting time”.  The emphasis on waste is a recognition that time is a finite resource for our life here on earth.  Unfortunately, we spend so much time either thinking about the past or worrying about the future – catalysts for depression and anxiety.  Jake Bailey reminds us too that we can spend so much time on looking forward to tomorrow (and live in expectation of what it has to offer) that we lose sight of the present.  Elisha Goldstein in his book, The Now Effect, reminds us that being mindful of the present moment can change our life.  Richard Carlson and Joseph Bailey reinforce this message in their book, Slowing Down to the Speed of Life.  They maintain that we speed up our lives when we live in the past, engage in self-judging or become overly-analytical of our daily life and its related problems.   They argue that the benefits of slowing down to the present moment (rather than racing ahead)  include improving our health and relationships, enjoying more peace and equanimity, reducing our stress and strengthening our focus and capacity to be productive.   

Time metaphors and chronic illness

 Jennifer Crystal – writer, educator and  author of One Tick Stopped the Clock – has written about the different perceptions of time and mindsets by people experiencing chronic illness and those close to people suffering from chronic illness.  In a blog post, The Time-Warp of Tick-Borne Illness, she discusses time metaphors in the context of her own experience of tick-borne chronic Lyme Disease.

Jennifer points out that we typically have a different relationship to time (and different time metaphors) at the various stages of our life.  As children, time does not move fast enough; as we become aged, we want time to slow down.  When people experience chronic illness, different time metaphors come into play.

Jennifer notes that she lost so much time through illness which delayed her degree graduation, her relationships and job/life plans.  For her during this period of chronic illness and a subsequent relapse, time moved too fast.  She felt an urgency to catch up with time.  However, her recovery depended on her slowing down and spending time on self-care.  Despite the feeling of having a lot of catching up to do,  Jennifer has had to move at her own pace to achieve her goals in her own time and to avoid further major relapses.

Jennifer noted that perceptions of time can be so very different for the well in comparison to the chronically ill. The former often wish for the free time that they see as the province of the chronically ill (time to lie around and read or watch TV).  What they don’t realise is that the chronically ill person often does not have the energy or pain-free experience to enjoy these envied activities.  Jennifer maintains that each side (the healthy and the chronically ill) need to develop an understanding of the perspective and experience of the other.  Even the healthy person experiences stressors and pain in this fast-paced world.

Reflection

In this post, I have concentrated on several time metaphors that can constrain our perception and mindset.  However, there are time metaphors that have positive connotations or that promote proactivity, such as a stitch in time saves nine.

In the March Creative Meetup, an online support group for writers-with-chronic-illness, Jennifer shared her blog post and offered two time-related writing prompts:

  1. How has your relationship to time changed with your illness?
  2. Imagine yourself springing forward or backward to a future or past moment in your life.  Write a letter to your future or former self from your current self.

 As we grow in mindfulness through reflection and other mindfulness practices, we can gain self-awareness about our own time metaphors and find creative ways to break the frames that constrain our thinking and mindset.

I developed the following poem while reflecting on time metaphors:

Time Metaphors

Time doesn’t wait,
it marches on.

We waste time when
killing time,
living for tomorrow,
buying our time,
waiting for the right time.

We express time regrets when we say
if only I had more time,
I have too much time on my hands,
time is going too fast,
if only I had my time over again.

We express frustration with time when we say
where has all the time gone?
I can’t wait till tomorrow comes,
I’ve run out of time,
I’m caught in the trap of time.

Time is restless, relentless, resilient, resourceful.

Time is opportunity
to learn, grow and create,
to care for self and others,
to be in the present moment,
to experience wonder and awe.

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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Poetry – Blending Opposites and Breaking Frames

Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer is the author of a poem-a-day as well as a dozen books of poetry.  Her daily poems can be accessed through her blog, A Hundred Falling Veils.  Her latest books of poetry – All the Honey and The Unfolding – were written after the death of her son and that of her father three months later.   Her son took his own life and Rosemerry’s grief expressed in her poems is palpable.   Rosemerry describes writing poetry as a mindfulness practice that has helped her manage her grief and an abiding sadness

Poetry – “a dance of opposites”

What is particularly distinctive about her poetry is the blending of opposites – pain and joy, sadness and wonder. Rosemerry considers poetry as “a dance of opposites”.  She maintains that poetry gives expression to opposites. This process enables her to hold two conflicting feelings at the same time.  Writing poetry helps her to rise above her sorrow – to be able to admire beauty and peace amidst pain and loss.

Her focus on what is good in her life enables her to manage the personal devastations that she has experienced.  While she gives full voice to her grief, her poetry expresses her gratitude and appreciation for the beauty and goodness that surrounds her daily.  She is able, through her poetry, to be fully present to what is  – the good, the bad and the ugly. 

Rosemerry asks the question, “How do we show up for these oppositional feelings?” such as grief and joy.  Her discussions cover not only feelings but also perceptions and mindsets.  In an interview about her book, The Unfolding, she tells the story of how she used to make assumptions about Ford car owners and their likely voting preferences.  To challenge this perception and mindset, she purchased a Ford car herself and found that by reaching across the mental divide she was able to perceive some commonality with other such owners. 

As I was listening, I recalled that I had developed a mindset about Mercedes owners, assuming they were thoughtless, constantly obsessed with “time is money” and caring little for other people’s needs.  Then two things happened – my wife and I were looking at buying a Mercedes ourselves (it was the best option available at the time to meet our needs) and a thoughtful Mercedes driver let me into a busy line of traffic.  These experiences challenged my perception and mindset.  Rosemerry asserts that poetry can also do this by helping us to take an alternative view and look at oppositional perceptions and mindsets.

Poetry: changing metaphors and breaking frames

In a TEDx Talk, Rosemerry spoke of the need to change metaphors if we are to accommodate oppositional thinking.  In her presentation, she quotes linguist George Lakoff who writes in his book, Don’t Think of an Elephant!: Know Your Values and Frame the Debate, that “one of the fundamental findings of the cognitive sciences is that we think in terms of frames and metaphors”.  Neuroscience has identified the physical manifestation of this phenomenon in the form of neurocircuitry.

Rosemerry asserts that the use of metaphors is universal, employed in every language throughout the world, to enable us “to understand our world, our ideas and our emotions”.  She suggests that we just listen to, and carefully observe, everyday language, which is replete with metaphors, e.g. “the time is ripe”, “fell like a dead tree”, “he has a heart of gold”.   

She explains that behind each metaphor we use is a “conceptual frame” that shapes our perception of the world and our situation in it.  The frame allows a particular perception and interpretation and excludes other explanations – it constrains our freedom to explore alternative ideas.  Rosemerry gives the example of a constraining metaphor that occurred for her following the rejection of one her manuscripts and the acceptance of someone else’s.  She describes how the “envy metaphor” took over her thinking – she engaged in an endless comparison with the other person, inflating their positives and exaggerating her own negativities.  After a while, she began to realize that the envy metaphor did not serve her well but limited her perception of options.  Her comparisons with the other person were grossly distorted.

Rosemerry found that she had to find another metaphor to frame her situation to enable her to move forward, rather than wallow in her disappointment and resentment.  What helped her on this occasion was her tendency to push her metaphoric story to absurd limits – a form of reductio ad absurdum (Latin for “reduction to absurdity’}, e.g. she began to think that the other writer was a “better gardener” who had “greener fingers” – an analogy way beyond the writing competence of her perceived competitor.

How to change metaphors and break mental frames

In her TEDx Talk, Rosemerry offered a number of suggestions of how we might change our metaphor that is not working for us in a particular situation.  Her first offering might prove to be “too far-fetched” for some people but she offered it nonetheless. In this approach she suggests that you choose an object (any object} and you ask the object a number of questions, e.g. “What can you teach me today?”, “What is your purpose?”  This imagined interaction can lead to the identification of an alternative metaphor that may work in your new situation. 

Rosemerry also offers a second approach to metaphor change and frame breaking.  For this approach, she draws on the work of a friend who suggested that you take a line of poetry and change the words and ideas expressed in that poem.  By way of example she quoted a line from an Emily Dickinson’s poem, Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.  Rosemerry suggested that you use this line (or any other line of poetry} as a jumping off point to explore a new metaphor or frame of reference.  She offers some possible changes to the line such as persistence is the bindweed that pushes through the pavement.

Putting forth alternative lines opens up the possibility of identifying new metaphors or frames of reference that can create the freedom to think differently, to break through the constraints of an existing frame of reference. Rosemerry maintains that the changed metaphor can enable you “to see the world in ways that you have never seen the world before”  – this can be truly freeing and provide the opportunity to develop new perspectives and identify different options to address your situation.  She asks, “How might it [the new metaphor] change the way you approach your day?”

Reflection

I took a line about hope from Anne Frank’s book,  The Diary of a Young Girl, and changed it to read, Where there is hope there is exploration and openness, not closure.   At the time I was dealing with another psychotic episode suffered by my adult son.  This helped me to replace a “despair metaphor” with a “hope metaphor” – it helped me to see alternative outcomes and the possibility of healing. The process of reframing led me to develop the following poem where “he” became “we” and opened up a new understanding, as well as allowed space for hope:

Hope is Opening

He has been elevated again.
Why does he consume things that are harmful to himself and others?

Turning the mirror on myself,
why do I consume foods that are harmful to myself and others?

What are we seeking?
Is it an escape from boredom and the sense of exclusion?
Is it a search for companionship and connection?

Where there is hope, there is exploration of new pathways,
there resides openness and the end of closure.

If we grow in mindfulness through mindfulness practises such as spending time in nature, conscious breathing and reflection, we can become more aware of own constraining metaphors and find creative ways to change our metaphors and break our imprisoning frames.

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Image by Loi Tran from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

A Letter in Response to Chronic Illness

Each month I participate in an online Meetup of a group of writers-with-chronic-illness sponsored by the Health Story Collaborative (HSC).  In our February Creative Meetup, we were introduced by our facilitator, Jennifer Crystal, to the concept of writing a letter to our chronic illness.  Jennifer who has Lyme Disease herself, read out a poem by Bonny van Geffen, titled One Lyme Warrior’s  Letter to Herself. 

In the letter to herself, Bonny exhorts herself to admire her own strength in dealing with her illness and to avoid guilt, shame, self-hate and self-accusations.  She compassionately encourages herself to forgive others for their lack of understanding of her illness and its debilitating effects.  In her final paragraph, she suggests to herself that she blame the tick and it’s bite, not herself, for her chronic illness.

Writing prompts

Following the reading of Bonny’s letter, Jennifer invited us to spend 20 minutes writing prose or poetry in response to one of the following writing prompts:

  • Write a love letter to your illness or yourself
  • Write a letter to someone involved in your story (such as a doctor, family member, or friend). What do you need them to know?

Participants in the group shared their insightful letters to their illness or self, some with humour that they explained was a coping mechanism for them.  One participant wrote A letter to My Father expressing appreciation and love for his tolerance and support during his mental illness.  Synchronistically, I wrote A Letter to My Son who recently suffered a mental health episode that resulted in his hospitalisation.

The context of my letter- its connection to my chronic illnesses

I have MCAS and histamine intolerance along with hypertension.  So the stress generated by my son’s behaviour over a week, affected me not only emotionally and mentally but also physically.  It resulted in increased blood pressure along with elevated histamine levels leading to rashes and hives, that alternated between being excessively itchy and generating very dry skin with a burning sensation.

Writing poetry as a mindfulness practice

I found that writing poetry during this time helped me to deal with the stress and enabled me to achieve some degree of emotional regulation and capacity to assist my son and other affected family members – a result of poetry as a mindfulness practice (as recommended by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer).

My mixed emotions and hopeful thoughts were expressed in my poem, A Family Crisis:

Disturbing distress,
disrupted sleep,
distracted concentration,
confused feelings.

Concentric circles of disorientation,
extending to family and friends,
putting life on hold,
family’s peace and privacy punctured.

As I experienced a deepening divide between my son and myself during his mental health episode, I wrote a poem with the title, The Great Divide:

Anger and aggression rear their ugly head,
an unbridgeable chasm,
a physical, mental and emotional divide,
Therein lies grief – separation and loss.
Lives in disarray.

Stretching out across the void,
seeking connection,
unable to reach the other side,
into the tunnel, no light at the end,
dislocation, disturbance and dismay.

As I began to empathise with my son’s mental health condition, I came to realise that we were living in Parallel Worlds:

Parallel worlds of exhaustion,
of mind, body and spirit,
loss of control, freedom and choice,
shared experience of anxiety, uncertainty and deep distress.

As his condition began to improve through medication, I was able to experience some relief (together with mixed emotions) – expressed in the poem, Light at the End of the Tunnel:

Grateful for the care,
concern for the future,
admiring resilience,
trusting intention.

Relief floods in as aggression abates,
freedom, control and choice partially restored,
regret and shame emerge,
revisiting trust and faith.

New insight into “elevated”,
shedding psychosis,
re-emergence of sensitivity,
growing self-awareness.

Mixed emotions –
trust, patience and tolerance restored,
pain and hurt linger beneath,
still unease remains.

A way forward emerges,
light appears at the end of the tunnel,
faith and hope abide,
welcoming home what was lost.

My response to Jennfer’s writing prompts

I chose to write to the second of the writing prompts provided by Jennifer (listed above), so I wrote A Letter to My Son:

You are in pain and lost in your world.
I see you emerging out of the darkness of a deep tunnel.
We have been in parallel worlds.
Hurt and distrust lie within.

I look for the thoughtfulness and sensitivity that is the real you.
I treasure the times when you showed me love and concern.
I savour your presence, personality and power,
your insight, kindness and intelligence.

Reflection

At the end of the Meetup session, after we had shared our writing with other members of the group, Jennifer suggested that we write a short process journal entry.  The aim here is to identify what the session brought up for us in terms of insight and feelings.  It surfaced for me, my love for my son despite the hurt, pain and resentment.  It helped me to deal with my nervousness by focusing on what I truly value and savour in my son who is very likeable and loving.

I felt especially grateful to Jennifer for introducing us to the poetry of Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer.  Writing poetry during this family crisis was an important anchor for me as everything around me was in freefall.  I had read the introduction to Rosemerry’s book, Exploring Poetry of Presence 11: Prompts to Deepen Your Writing Practice, and started writing poems frequently, rather than as a one-off exercise.

In a previous Meetup, Jennifer reinforced the added value of sharing our writing by reading our poem/prose to others in the group.  Jo, a participant, reinforced this idea by commenting to me, “I felt calm just listening to you”.  I have subsequently listened to a number of interviews with Rosemerry about her anthologies of poems.  In an interview about her new anthology, The Unfolding, she states that she really loves doing poetry reading around the world and conducting classes where “we read poems and talk about them”.  Rosemerry maintains that she finds this process “ecstatic”, “Juicy“ and yummy” because “we all translate it [the poem] through the lens of our own experience”. There are times that Rosemerry is “shocked” or experiences “utter admiration” for the different translations of a poem that people bring to the conversation.

Writing poetry can help us to grow in mindfulness because it makes us more present to what is, develops insight into our inner world and encourages us to value and appreciate our outer world, its beauty and awe-inspiring nature.

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Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Poetry as Mindfulness

In the previous blog post, I discussed the mindfulness practices that Mary Fowler, international soccer star, uses to grow her resilience, support her mental health and develop calm and happiness. What I did not include in these discussions is the poetry that Mary writes and incorporates in the chapters of her memoir, Bloom: Creating a life I love.

Poetry can be a rich source of mindfulness, both when reading poems or writing them.  Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, author of Exploring Poetry of Presence 11: Prompts to Deepen Your Writing Practice, explains how writing poetry can be a mindfulness practice.  Her book provides not only a guide to reading Poetry of Presence 11- More Mindfulness Poems, but also a stimulus to our own poetry writing.  To achieve guidance for reading the focal book, Rosemerry draws on every poem in the book and uses them and other poems to stimulate our own writing of poetry.

Rosemerry co-hosts the podcast Emerging Form that discusses how to develop the creative process and provides examples.  Her poetry is published widely and her anthologies include Hush (a winner of the Halcyon Prize), Naked for Tea, and All the Honey.  She has written a poem daily since 2006 and these can be accessed by subscribing to her mailing list and/or by reading her blog, A Hundred Falling Veils.  Rosemerry also produces an audio daily, The Poetic Path, which she describes as “an immersive daily experience of poetry and reflection”. 

Writing poems as a mindfulness practice

Writing poems develops our capacity to be in the present moment, to be open to the richness of our daily experience and to engage more consciously with others and the world at large. Writing cultivates curiosity and acceptance of what is.  It enables us “to show up in the moment”, if we arrive daily with a pen in our hand or a digital device for capturing our thoughts, observations and reflections in-the-moment.

Writing poems changes the way we engage with others, ourselves and our daily environment. It makes us more aware of, and open to, both our external and internal worlds and helps us to achieve an integration between them.  When we are seeking to write poetry, we are on the lookout for inspiration and are more conscious of what is going on in our life, in our body and in our mind – it makes us so much more grounded in the reality of our everyday life.

Rosemerry maintains that we should not seek to write “good” poetry according to external standards or those of other people. She argues that this only taps into our negative self-thoughts and cultivates a mindset of criticism and can lead us to get stuck or frustrated.  For her, this self-criticism is the opposite of being mindful – it is not accepting what is and how our writing reflects the vicissitudes of our daily life and our natural responses to how we experience our reality.  She encourages us to write from our own truth – what is true for us in this moment of writing.

The outcomes of writing poems as a mindfulness practice

Rosemerry draws on her own poem-writing experience to provide a “caveat” for the readers of her book.  She counsels us to be aware that not only will our writing change but a lot of other things in our life will change too in unpredictable ways.  She explains that using writing as a mindfulness practice has made her more open to life, softened her perspective on many things and enabled her to be “more willing to be vulnerable”.

She found that through her poetry writing she became more honest and trusting.  A key outcome of this mindfulness practice was her ability to meet “great loss”, in particular, when her son took his own life.  Rosemerry contends that the mindfulness practice of writing poetry really matters when we are faced with “trauma, loss, fear and woundedness”.  In her anthology of poems titled The Unfolding, written after the deaths of her son and father, she shares her aching heart while savouring beauty and wonder.  Her poems in this collection convey contrasting states such as playful and sombre. They express a life lived fully, consciously and openly.

Despite her grief over her son’s death, Rosemerry experienced an ever-increasing capacity and desire to be open to the richness of life. In the process, she was able to love and connect even amidst “the tough stuff”.   She attributes the mindfulness practice of writing poetry to her ability to avoid “shutting down” in the face of extraordinary pain.  Having established a “practice of presence”, she was able to show up each day.  Her daily stimulus for writing was a set of questions such as, (1) “What is here?” and (2) “What is true right now?”.  We could add for our own writing practice the question, “How do I want to show up today?”.

Rosemerry contends that gaining these mindfulness outcomes does not depend on our talent, wisdom or skill level – all that is required is to “show up with a blank piece of paper and a pen”.  She maintains that using other people’s poems as a guide can help us to write as well as drawing on the writing prompts she provides in her book or other books such as Exploring Poetry of Presence: A Companion Guide by Gloria Heffernan.

Writing prompts for poems

Throughout her book, Rosemerry provides a series of writing prompts to enable us to write our own poems if we need an external stimulus.  Sometimes poems just come to us, catalyzed by significant events in our lives. The writing prompts she offers are an invitation to write our own poems and are an excellent stimulus for self-expression.  An example of the prompts she provides includes the following prompt:

Paying attention – the challenge to be in the present moment, noticing the world around us and within us.  We can view the world (and our writing) through our senses – sight, sound, smell, touch and taste.  Consciously noticing our outer world can lead to cognisance of our inner world – our thoughts, our feelings, our sense of wonder and awe.  Rosemerry claims that writing poems mindfully can “build a bridge between these two worlds” – our outer and inner reality.

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, meditation teacher and practitioner, paying attention is central to mindfulness and enables openness, curiosity and self-awareness (particularly of our negative self-talk).  Rosemerry suggests that an easy way to start to pay attention and write is to create a list, e.g. of “what could be”, “what I sense in the moment” or “what I find interesting about the world”.  She maintains that by “naming things outside the body” we are led to a “revelation inside the body”. 

Reflection

I have found that writing a reflective poem has helped me to manage my frustration and pain associated with chronic illnesses.   Writing poetry enables me to take a different perspective, explore the consequences of my own actions and often acts as a “bridge to action” when I am faced with inertia.

Writing poems has been particularly helpful for me to stay grounded during a recent family crisis where violence and injury, destruction and dissolution, were very real.  Mindfulness heightened by poetry writing enabled me to reflect on what was occurring, explore alternatives and be conscious of my whole-body stress.

As we grow in mindfulness by poetry writing, we can tap into the power of being present, enhance our creativity and build our resilience in the face of “the tough stuff”.  We can also develop self-care strategies that enable us to withstand the ever-occurring forces of overwhelm.

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Image by Janusz Walczak from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Managing Adversity with Mindfulness

Mary Fowler recently published a memoir, Bloom: Creating a life I love, that covers the period from her teens to early adulthood. Mary is considered one of the brightest female talents in soccer in Australia.  In 2018, when under 16 years of age, she was the fifth youngest soccer player to represent Australia.  Since then she has gone on to represent Australia in soccer on 64 occasions, scoring 16 goals.

The highs

Mary had been selected to represent Australia at the 2019 FIFA Women’s World Cup but owing to a hamstring injury was unable to play.  She had always dreamed of being an Olympian and, although a gifted long-distance runner, chose soccer as her sport to excel in.  The highpoint of her soccer career, in her own words, was being chosen in the Australian team for the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo.  She scored a goal in extra time in Australia’s quarter final win over Great Britain.

Mary was elated to be chosen in the Matilda’s team for the home-based 2023 FIFA Women’s World Cup.  With the loss of team captain, Sam Kerr, through injury, Mary’s role in the team increased significantly.  She scored her first World Cup goal against Canada and was instrumental in the win over Denmark in the Round of 16 game.

In her memoir, Mary recounts the lead-up and successful execution of a penalty goal in the penalty shoot-out against France in the quarter final.  She expressed appreciation for her coach’s extensive pre-game practice of taking penalties in a shoot-out, including the line-up at halfway, the slow progression to the penalty spot and the elation on scoring against the goalie.  After her World Cup performance, Mary was chosen to represent Australia at the 2024 Summer Olympics in Paris.

The Lows

Throughout her soccer career and much of her early life, Mary was plagued by negative self-thoughts – questioning whether she was good enough, looked good enough or was a good person.  Her low self-esteem was frequently aggravated by social media messaging that reinforced her negative self-image.  With the sudden advent of fame, Mary’s social media following expanded dramatically and so did the “haters” and belittlers (which only fed her negative view of herself).  Wisely, a close friend advised her to stop responding to the online “haters” and spend her efforts commenting on messages from supporters who sought to acknowledge her skills and achievements and wanted her to do well.

In her memoir, Mary describes her period at Montpellier Football Club as her lowest point.  She joined the club on her 17th birthday and spent three years with the club (2020-2022).  In her early period there she spent a lot of time on the bench.  She was very conscious that being the youngest player in the team, she lacked the experience of the other players.  However, she felt acutely the status differential between the “starters” and the “benched” players – the latter sometimes being totally ignored by the coach.

Mary found that as the team suffered a series of losses, conflict within the team grew. She was challenged for the amount of time she spent in the gym, as if she was contributing to their losses by trying to improve her fitness and overall stamina.  She also felt keenly the divide within the team between the French players and the “internationals”, the later considered of a lower value. 

Mary’s mixed race (Irish and Papua New Guinean) had always been a source of low self-esteem and differentiation by others.  These feelings of inferiority were compounded when she finished up at Montpellier.  Players leaving the team were given flowers at the end of the of their tenure whereas Mary and her close friend (two of only six black players in the team) were given bananas.  She didn’t know whether this was an intentional slight or just a consequence of an accidental series of events. 

Mary, who valued her creativity in playing soccer, had offered suggestions on ways to improve the team’s play but had been told by the Montpellier coach to “do what you are told”.  This frustration of her creativity was another source of dissatisfaction for her.  However, her experience was the opposite when she played with the Australian team as coach Tony Gustavsson encouraged her to be adventurous.  Mary found, too, that the move from “striker” to “wing” reduced the pressure on her to score but enabled her to provide plenty of “goal-assists” and become a real team player.

Mary reached an absolute low point during her time with the Montpellier soccer team.  She describes cutting herself and engaging in other forms of self-harm, ultimately leading to thoughts of suicide.  She also lost her love of the game and thought seriously about giving up the sport (to the point of planning her “retirement”).  What helped Mary recover was the very strong support of close friends and family, together with therapy.  In her memoir, Mary strongly encourages people who are not coping to reach out for help and therapy if needed.  She argues that, like her, people who are stressed have to get past feelings of vulnerability and be willing to share their feelings and concerns with others.  Mary learnt that being vulnerable with friends actually deepened her relationships.

As Mary’s fame grew, so too did the pressures on her.  She could not go out to do shopping without people recognising her and seeking “selfies” and autographs.  She had to deal with increased performance expectations from her friends, fans, team mates and coaches. Negative social media commentary intensified.  An additional pressure was the invasion of privacy, particularly in relation to her emerging relationship with Nathan Cleary (who was famous in his own right).

Managing adversity with mindfulness

Mary turned to a series of mindfulness practices to help her restore calm and balance to her life and provide her with the mental clarity and stamina to manage the stresses in her life.

Mary found the strength to go on and pursue what proved to be a stunning international career, as well as eventual success with the Manchester City English Premier League team (2022 till now).  She drew on a range of mindfulness practices to help her manage the downside of her career as an elite athlete and to achieve her potential:

  • Journalling – Mary had been journalling since she was a child but found new commitment and energy for journalling as she progressed in her career and had to deal with the pressures of international fame.   Journalling enabled her to deal with the unpredictable and daily challenges.  She also found that journalling helped her to get in touch with her feelings, which she tended to hide from others and herself.  It provided her with a different perspective on issues and served to challenge her negative thinking about herself.
  • Positive Affirmations – Mary had to deal with constant negative self-talk that told her she was “not good enough” in many ways.  She turned to daily recitation of affirmations to reinforce what was good in her life and was good and positive about herself.  Danette May argues that affirmations can replace unconscious negative thoughts with reinforcement of what is good in ourselves.  This change in focus (from negative to positive thinking) can alter our mindset and reality.
  • Drawing nurture from nature – spending time in nature played a major role in Mary’s life and, in her memoir, she acknowledges the role of nature in providing her with calm, new insights, energy and a source of awe and wonder.  While in Montpellier she undertook daily mountain walks with her brother to absorb the peace and tranquility of nature.  In her memoir chapter on “Stop & smell the flowers” (Chapter 8), Mary explains how she began an intentional practice of stopping to admire a flower, closely observing its colours and textures, and smelling its aroma.  This became a habituated practice and extended to stopping to observe any animals along her path (such as birds and possums).  She experienced excitement and a warm glow from these animal encounters.   Mary often spoke of the Moon as a personal source of stability, energy and positive self-affirmation.   Mary’s discussion of her encounters with nature and her slow, observant walking resonates with a mindful walking approach to developing mindfulness.
  • Reframing goals – Mary was an obsessive goal-setter.  She had goals for when she would get pregnant, get married, own her own home and many other things in her life and career.  Her goals had set times for achievement.  While this aided her outcome focus, it eventually created undue stress through self-created time-pressures and left no room for the vicissitudes of life (such as sporting injuries) that can prevent or delay goal achievement.  In a discussion with her “bestie” at the time, Mary decided that she would set “targets” instead of “goals”, removing the constraining effect of detailed timelines.
  • Expressing gratitude – Mary discovered the power of gratitude to offset negative feelings. Like Kim Armstrong, she found that daily gratitude practice builds resilience, overcomes resentment and envy, and develops a positive mindset.  In the final analysis, expressing gratitude helps us “to get in touch with ourselves”.  Mary found that routinely expressing gratitude helped her manage the downside of her soccer injuries – times on the sidelines from concussion, an ACL injury and hamstring injury.
  • Present moment awareness – Mary consciously sought to be in the “present moment” whether playing competitive soccer or being with friends and family.  She was strongly influenced by a book, The Power of Now, written by meditation teacher, Eckhart Tolle.  She routinely practised meditation to develop this present moment awareness.  Mary found that through this mindfulness practice, she began to savour the small things in her life.
  • Mindset change –  Mary had publicly stated that she wanted to be the “best in the world” as an international soccer player.  After a period of reflection on how self-limiting this goal can be (she pursued it at the expense of her relationships with friends and the opportunities for fun and new adventures), she changed her target to “be the best that I can be”. This change in mindset freed her from obsessive practice, a sole focus on soccer and a tendency to envy the success of others.  Instead, she developed better as a team player, savouring the success of others.

Reflection

Mary Fowler experienced some great highs and some serious lows.  Her negative self-talk contributed to many of her lows.  However, by turning to mindfulness practices she discovered that as she grew in mindfulness she developed resilience, changed her mindset, increased her happiness, savoured the small things in life, developed a positive self-image and increased her capacity to deal with the stressors in her life.

In her memoir; Mary states that she has now achieved a high level of happiness; increased her tools for managing challenges; and developed sound, close friendships that support her daily.  By using a range of mindfulness practices, she has developed a toolkit to address mental health issues as they arise and to draw on the positive energy that surrounds her.

Throughout her memoir, Mary provides several reflection questions that are relevant to the discussion in each chapter.  She offers reflection questions such as:

These questions can provide a rich source of reflection and insights and can serve as journalling prompts.   The discussion that precedes these reflective questions provides a basis for challenging our own mindset and identifying ways to enhance our own life and happiness.

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Image by Lori Dunn from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Epic Pursuits – Domestic Travel Before and During Retirement

In the previous post I discussed my epic pursuits before and during retirement.  This discussion covered research/writing, tennis/ pickleball, social networking and overseas travel.  I explained that overseas travel was now beyond me not only because of the rigours and length of overseas flights from Australia but also the fragility of my back (with osteoporosis and multi-level disc degeneration).  Another impediment is food allergy/sensitivity brought on by my MCAS chronic illness.

Domestic travel related to study

While I was born in Victoria, I moved to the warmer climate of Brisbane with my family when I was about 5 years old (owing to four siblings having asthma).  I undertook my schooling in Brisbane and matriculated in 1963.

Residing in Sydney and Melbourne

I joined the Carmelite Order in 1964, residing during this first year in Old Toongabbie, Sydney (later known as Winston Hills).  The dairy-farm based Novitiate provided a range of experiences including study and working on the farm.  The latter included clearing Lantana and building barbed-wire fences to house the cows in paddocks.

Following this first year, I then progressed to the Whitefriars Monastery in Donvale, Victoria where I undertook my studies of philosophy and theology.  During my four full-time years in the seminary I studied extensively and successfully, worked on the dairy farm, maintained the accounts of the seminary and enjoyed a range of sports including tennis, weight-lifting and social Australian Rules (played against local parishes and colleges).

At the end of each year, we would spend 4 weeks at the college’s holiday house at Portsea on the Mornington Peninsula.  While we were there we swam daily in the Bay, played badminton and enjoyed walks to Sorrento.  We were also able to play golf frequently at the stunning Portsea golf course with views over Port Phillip Bay and Bass Strait. 

I was in Portsea in 1967 when Harold Holt, Prime Minster of Australia disappeared from Cheviot beach while swimming in a turbulent inlet surrounded by rocks.  I recall the helicopters and sirens on the day of his disappearance – the quietness and calm of this bayside/seaside location was punctuated by the frantic search for the Prime Minister.

Domestic travel while working for the Australian Taxation Office

After leaving Whitefriars Monastery and the Carmelite Order in 1969, I returned to live in Brisbane where I joined the Australian Taxation Office (ATO) as a base grade clerk, rising to Senior Executive level over the 13 years while I was employed by the organisation.  One of my more memorable work-related, domestic trips was to Leura in the Blue Mountains where I spent 2 weeks participating in a national executive training program organised by the ATO. 

During my work in the ATO, I was heavily involved in computer systems design and implementation, auditing and fraud detection.  My associated travel included  6 weeks at Centrepoint in Sydney,  a week at Scarborough Beach in Perth (national system design workshop) and 3 months working in Canberra.  I would also take monthly trips to Canberra while working on several national projects associated with the design of the Central Taxation System (CTS) and security of the central computer installation.  In the final stages of my involvement in systems design, I travelled to Adelaide to assist with conversion of the South Australian Office of the ATO to the new Central Taxation System (CTS).

Travel associated with my roles in developing action learning and action research

After working in the Australian Taxation Office, I joined Griffith University as a Lecturer in Human Resource Management  and Organisational Behaviour.  Associated with this role was my time as President of the Action Learning and Action Research Association and my international travel as well as occasional trips to Sydney and Hobart.

Domestic travel in a National TAFE role

Following my resignation from Griffith University in 1999, I worked on a consultancy basis for four years (2001-2004) as National Change Manager for the conversion of TAFE (Technical and Further Education Colleges) in Australia to online learning and teaching.  My role entailed assisting 8-10 Senior TAFE managers each year to develop a whole-of-organisation change management plan to enable the design and implementation of online learning and teaching. This work took me to conferences and workshops in Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide.

Manager development consultancy

After working fulltime in our own Human Resource Consulting business based in Brisbane (2005-2006), I joined Julie Cork on a Consulting basis.  During our extensive collaboration over 17 years (2007-2023), we co-facilitated action learning-based, longitudinal (3-6 months), manager development programs for managers in the Queensland Public Service and the Not-For-Profit Sector.  These workshops took us from Roma (far West) to Cairns (far North).  Our travels throughout Queensland included conducting programs in Toowoomba, Ipswich, Marburg, Caboolture, Mooloolaba, Gold Coast, Gladstone, Rockhampton, Mackay, Bundaberg, Emerald and Townsville.

Freelance academic

In 1985, I had also joined the Gibran Management Centre (later the Australian Institute of Business – AIB) as an adjunct academic/Professor.  This entailed roles in course design, and student assessments, Academic Board member, supervisor and examiner of postgraduate theses, supporting ongoing accreditation under the Australian Qualifications Framework and Chair of the Research and Higher Degrees Committee.  This varied work in an adjunct capacity (undertaken over 32 years) involved multiple trips each year to Adelaide and resulted in the award of Emeritus Professor following my resignation in 2017. 

Over several years, I worked as an Associate Professor (in an adjunct capacity) for the International Management Center (UK), conducting action learning based programs in Brisbane, the Gold Coast and Port Moresby (New Guinea).  I also had a role as an Associate Professor with the Southern Cross University which took me to Lismore, new South Wales on several occasions. 

Non-work based domestic travel

For the purposes of ease of discussion here I have included New Zealand travel as domestic travel (flight time from Brisbane to Auckland is 3 hours, 15 minutes; whereas flight time to Perth is 5 hours, 20 minutes).  My family and I have travelled to New Zealand on two occasions taking in Auckland, Rotorua, Queenstown, Kaikoura, and the Bay of Islands (where we enjoyed a stunning kayak adventure).

Over the forty years of our marriage, my wife and I have managed multiple trips to Sydney and Melbourne and over the last few years visited Perth and the Margaret River region,  the Blue Mountains (Katoomba), Canberra, Tasmania (Hobart, Bruny Island, Launceston and Freycinet National Park – incorporating Wineglass Bay).

My travel goals during retirement are now focused on the following:

Reflection

While I miss the opportunity to travel overseas, I can reflect very positively on my numerous travel experiences within Australia, on both a work and non-work basis.  I was very fortunate to have these opportunities and the support that they involved.  I look back now and appreciate what I have been able to achieve and look forward to further domestic travel in my retirement years.

As I grow in mindfulness through several mindfulness practices I undertake,  I have a strong sense of gratitude and clearer insight into what has helped me to achieve my goals in life.  Mindfulness practices like Tai Chi can not only provide clarity and understanding but also build the physical strength and resilience to continue my travel and pickleball pursuits.

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Image by Julian Hacker from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Epic Pursuits Before and During Retirement

In a previous post I explored happiness and fulfillment in retirement drawing on the work of Bec Wilson, creator of the Epic Retirement Flagship Course and the author of the book, How to have an Epic Retirement.  In that post, I shared some of Bec’s suggestions concerning “Epic Pursuits” that could enable us to achieve an “engaged, curious and happy life”.  In her Workbook accompanying the course, she suggests that epic pursuits are “things you really enjoy doing, and that you want to deepen your knowledge of and get better at”- a source of joy, learning and contentment.  The Workbook helps us explore our achievements, passions, purpose, interests, and values as a basis for deciding what epic activities to pursue in retirement.

I retired as a Professor of Management in 2017 and ceased management consulting work in 2024, following the serious illness of my consulting colleague who was my co-facilitator for the previous 16 years – we had run hundreds of workshops together.  In reflecting on my own life story to date, I began to identify what epic pursuits I have undertaken both before and during my retirement:

  1. Research and writing
  2. Tennis and pickleball
  3. Social networking
  4. Travel overseas

Research and Writing

I have developed the art of writing over many years and followed the exhortation of one of my professors: “if you want to learn to write – write, write, write”.  So my writing has included theses, articles, book chapters, conference papers, blogs, e-books and training courses.   Hence my non-fiction writing has included the following:

  • Master’s research project and doctoral thesis (100,000 words) – doctorate awarded in 1996
  • Multiple published book chapters and articles on action earning and action research published in academic journals (one of my co-authored academic articles won an Award for Excellence from The Learning Organisation: An International Journal)
  • Co-author/editor of two books on action learning and action research
  • Chief editor and occasional author for a journal on action learning and action research
  • 4 blogs covering internet/social media marketing
  • Current blog, grow mindfulness.com, which has 791 posts, 977 moderated comments and a total word count in excess of 550,000 words
  • Created 15 poems incorporated in my mindfulness blog
  • Broad based articles published on Squidoo (over 100 before it was terminated), HubPages, ArticleDirectory.com and Wizzley.com, a writer’s community (also co-creator of this social media site with colleagues in Germany and the US)
  • Creator of a 6-month, online course on Social Media Marketing (comprising 24 PDFs)
  • Supervisor of Master’s and Doctoral students including recommended content and format edits; examiner of Doctoral thesis for 12 Universities, including 3 overseas (Britain, South Africa and New Zealand)
  • Developed short e-books on Affiliate Marketing and The Inner Game of Tennis.

Recently I also published an Amazon Kindle e-book, Writing for Wellness: A Pathway for Chronic Illness. 

My research and writing goals for my retirement are:
  • Complete 5 more Kindle e-books drawing on my Grow Mindfulness blog and my other publications
  • Research and write 2 X 1,000+ word articles per month for my Grow Mindfulness blog which covers topics such as mindfulness practices, chronic illness, leadership, management, health and happiness

Tennis and Pickleball

I have played tennis for more than 65 years but owing to a number of chronic conditions I have not participated in my weekly social tennis since February 2025.  Tennis was very much a part of my life since I was 9 years old.  I played at primary and secondary school, in the seminary in Melbourne, competitively at A grade and Pennant levels and socially after this.  Tennis gave me a sense of competence, motivation for maintaining my fitness and a source of relaxation.  I have written a poem about my gratitude for experiencing the joy of tennis.

However, I am currently experiencing the following chronic illnesses that impact my ability to play tennis (even socially at night):

  • arthritis in the middle finger of my right hand (I am right-handed)
  • osteopathy affecting my hips and other parts of my body
  • multi-level spinal degeneration (likely impacted by my MCAS chronic condition)
  • exercise asthma.

I decided to explore pickleball as an alternative to tennis and found that I am able to play this sport to an intermediate level.  I recently wrote about my joy in playing this game in a blog post and a poem titled, For the Love of Pickleball.  I have avoided competitive pickleball sessions and focused on social games to protect my fragile body. 

I am thoroughly enjoying the social aspects of pickleball and experimenting with new shots and ways to improve each time I play – a great source of learning! One clear advantage is that I can build on the skills and court craft I acquired through my many years of playing tennis – more than 10,000 sets of tennis.  I have played tennis on multiple surfaces – grass, concrete, bitumen, artificial grass, ant bed, clay and flexipave.  I have enjoyed playing social tennis locally as well as overseas in Auckland, Boroughbridge (Yorkshire, UK), Port Moresby and Lake Annecy (France).

My pickleball and exercise goals:
  • Continue to play social pickleball weekly
  • Undertake daily exercises provided by an exercise physiologist for my chronic conditions
  • Resume regular Tai Chi activity (both as a mindfulness practice and source of health benefits).

Social networking

I joined a social network for writers-with chronic-illness about two years ago.  The group, Creative Meetups, has a Zoom meeting each month which is currently facilitated by Jennifer Crystal, author of One Tick Stopped the Clock and a writing-to-heal coach.  The online sessions involve a stimulus piece provided by Jennifer along with time to write to the relevant theme and an opportunity to share our writing whatever form that takes.  I have been very inspired by this social connection and the creative writing of others, some of whom have very serious chronic illnesses.

The inspiration I have received from this group sharing has enabled me to write a series of poems about the stimulus topics and incorporate them in a relevant blog post.  This has proven to be an excellent stimulus to my own creative writing.  On a health front, I find that I really enjoy writing and that my pulse rate drops when I am in the process of creating a post or poem – I tend to “be-in-the-zone”.

My social networking goals are:
  • Continue to participate in the monthly, online meetings of the writers-with-chronic-illness
  • Use these meetings as a continuous source of inspiration
  • Continue to create poems stimulated by the shared stories and writing of the Creative Meetup group
  • Explore volunteering particularly visiting hospital-bound war veterans.

Travel Overseas

When I reflect on my achievements in this area, both domestically and internationally, I can feel a strong sense of gratitude for the opportunities I have had and also for the health and fitness that enabled me to undertake the relevant travel.  I have focused on my overseas travel in this post.

The best way to recall and record this travel is to categorise the travel by year:

  • 1994 – my wife and I and our two boys (aged 3 and 6) travelled to England for the World Congress on Action learning and Action Research (I was President, at the time, of the ALARA Association that sponsored and organised the Congress).  We were able to stay in Yorkshire and Bath (the location of the Congress).  We also spent a week at Lake Annecy in Northern France  with our Yorkshire-based in-laws.
  • 1995 – I travelled to England by myself to undertake research as part of a validation process for my doctoral thesis.  This research trip enabled me to visit action learning/action research experts in London, Lancaster, Nottingham, Bristol, and Brighton.  At the time, my adult son was on a working holiday at a restaurant in the Lakes District and one of my daughters was working as a child carer in a castle in Lockerbie, Scotland.  We were then able to travel together by train to Edinburgh, through snow-covered terrain.
  • 1997 – I travelled to Cartagena, Colombia, via Singapore, Los Angelos, Miami, and Bogota (a 36 hour trip).  I was attending a World Congress on action learning and action research as President of the ALARA Association (joint sponsor).  I had participated as a member of the international Planning Committee and attended the Congress as Convenor of the Organisational Development Stream and a member of the Expert Panel session.  We were overwhelmed by the 1,800 participants from 61 countries who turned up for the event (despite only 500 people registering in advance).
  • 1998 – three trips to Singapore to run workshops on action learning in Port Moresby for the International Management Centers (UK).
  • 2014 – my wife and I travelled in November/December via Hong Kong to Frankfurt, Bingen (Germany,  where we spent a week in a friend’s unit), Paris, Venice, Florence, and Rome.   We were able to spend 7 nights in each location and spent New Year’s Day in Rome (-4 Degrees Centigrade, turning a fountain to ice). 
  • 2017/2018 – my wife and I travelled in December/January via Hong Kong to Milan, Lake Como, Turin, Santa Margherita, Bologna, and Venice (New Year’s Day there).

My wife and I had planned to travel to Paris and Northern Italy again for my 80th birthday (2026).  However, I have reluctantly acknowledged that I have reached a fragile stage in relation to overseas travel, given my osteoporosis and multi-level spinal degeneration.  I can no longer sit or lie down for extended periods, even in business class plane travel. This means that I will have to travel “closer to home”.  This does not preclude my wife from travelling overseas, either by herself or with a companion.  I will have to concentrate on domestic travel and use virtual travel to enable me to gratuitously experience travelling overseas.

My travel goals are:
  • Expand my digital photo album to incorporate photos and videos of my previous overseas travel (to enable virtual travel)
  • Visit overseas sites virtually via the drone photography that is readily available on the Internet
  • Write a blog post recording domestic travel undertaken before and during retirement
  • Develop domestic travel goals for the next five years.

Reflection

Bec identifies 5 stages of retirement planning – “fragility” being one of them.  However, this may be a stage in relation to one or more epic pursuits – it may not extend to all our activities.  For example, I am still able to play pickleball but I cannot travel overseas.  I think one of the challenges is to learn to adapt retirement planning progressively as we age and not let fragility in one area contaminate our thinking about other areas of activity or epic pursuits.

The core challenge of aging and retirement is to make the most of our “spare time” in retirement, the surplus in our life.  As Bec notes, if we do not actively plan our retirement, we can be overwhelmed by boredom and negatively impact our longevity.  It is much better to plan for happiness and fulfillment in retirement.  If we grow in mindfulness through a range of mindfulness practices we can enhance our physical and mental health, develop constructive routines and find creative ways to grow and contribute.

By recalling and recording my epic pursuits before and during retirement, I have become more aware of the opportunities I have had in my life and feel a strong sense of gratitude for what I have been able to achieve.

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Image by Ahmet Yüksek from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Happiness and Fulfillment in Retirement

In the previous post I explored aging and retirement planning.  In that post I drew on the work of Bec Wilson, creator of the Epic Retirement Flagship Course and the author of the book, How to have an Epic Retirement.  In the current post, I want to focus on Bec’s discussion of happiness and fulfillment in retirement while drawing on the writings on the topic by other authors.  At the outset, Bec debunks the image of a retired person who is spending their days in a lazy chair on the beach while drinking wine – research highlights the fact that this portrayal is a recipe for boredom and a shortened life span.

Ways to achieve happiness and fulfillment in retirement

Bec offers a series of suggestions for how we might go about achieving these retirement goals:

Examining your personal stories for sources of happiness and fulfillment

In her Epic Retirement Workbook (that accompanies the Course), Bec offers a way to examine our personal stories including recording our key experiences and challenges, triumphs and passions.  She also offers some probing questions to identify themes in our responses such as resilience, creativity, and sources of happiness.  This approach to recording personal stories is consistent with the research supporting the use of storytelling to manage life transitions.  Such storytelling is often described as narrative therapy – an emerging area for university-level study.

Identifying your purpose and source of happiness by exploring your curiosity

Bec’s Workbook has a series of questions designed to elicit your level of curiosity about your future options, friendships, challenging pursuits, and what you might do with your time in retirement.  She maintains that without a degree of curiosity in your retirement years, “you might find yourself isolated, bored and even becoming stale”.    Frank Ostaseski, author of The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully, encourages us to cultivate openness and curiosity to achieve intimacy with ourselves, live life fully, develop self-forgiveness and “a deep sense of belonging”.

Creating meaning in your life as a retiree

Bec discusses various ways to create meaning because research confirms that a meaningful life can lead to happiness and a sense of fulfillment.  She encourages retirees to volunteer to contribute to a cause beyond ourselves and lists multiple arenas in which to volunteer, including volunteering for charity shops, aged care residents and sporting clubs.  A psychologically-rich life can generate a meaningful life and a sense of fulfillment. Pursuits such as the following can create meaning in our retirement years:

  • Collaborating with others in learning
  • Exploring part-time work options
  • Pursuing new sporting challenges and social relationships
  • Expressing gratitude and kindness which are contagious and cultivate health and happiness in others and ourselves.
Identifying your skills and strengths to develop your sense of purpose

Bec suggests that developing a happy and fulfilling life as a retiree depends largely on having a sense of purpose.  She draws on the work of Richard Leider and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi to maintain that developing a sense of purpose involves employing your skills and strengths in areas that you are passionate about, are congruent with your values and contribute to something beyond yourself (such as a charity or other  organisation pursuing social goals).  In her Workbook, Bec offers a columnar chart to assist us to identify the relationships amongst our skills, passions, values and purpose.

Exploring your courage

Bec points out that it takes courage to move beyond our comfort zone, to pursue “endings” to the way we do things and to try new things that are challenging.  She encourages us to tell ourselves the truth about our life, our happiness and sense of fulfillment; to make difficult decisions that will present challenges to our self-concept and our comfort zone; to make mistakes as we try out new things; to dream big; and to say ‘no” or “yes” when it is appropriate for self-preservation or to achieve our potential.

Engaging in epic pursuits

Bec draws on research to show that to achieve an “engaged, curious and happy life” as a retiree we need to adopt three or more pursuits  that we enjoy and that ideally engage us physically, cognitively and socially.  To this end, she lists (on pages 280-281 of her 2025 Book) epic pursuits that “active and engaged retirees” have adopted to pursue their passions.  This can serve as a  stimulus and checklist to help us to identify epic pursuits that might interest us.  Home swapping can also bring excitement and a change of location (either domestically or overseas).

Exploring different types of work that may be compatible with semi-retirement

Bec suggests that this work could provide supplementary income and draw on existing knowledge and skills (such as lecturing, tutoring, consulting or training) or , alternatively, provide the opportunity to learn new skills (such as starting a small business built on a hobby or a special interest area).   Her other suggestions include roles such as driving for rideshare services such as Uber, baby-sitting, pet-sitting, carer/helper, or landlord.  The opportunities are numerous and include having a hobby farm, house-sitting, or developing bed and breakfast accommodation. 

Developing a new daily routine

It is important that this is developed over time as you become more accustomed to life beyond full-time work or being a home-parent.  Research in this area suggests that a daily routine enhances longevity and meaningful living.  A retirement routine is very individual and takes some planning and acknowledgement of your own “circadian rhythms”.  Bec offers suggestions for rebuilding our morning routine and creating purposeful evenings.  Penny Pennington Weeks shares her comprehensive retirement routine to encourage us to plan our own “to enjoy a retired life”.

Practising mindfulness for a happy and fulfilling retirement

Throughout her Epic Retirement Book and Course, Bec strongly encourages cultivating  openness, curiosity and reflection – key components of mindfulness practices.  Research and personal experience confirm the multiple benefits of mindfulness that accrue from regular mindfulness practices such as Tai Chi, mindful eating, and engaging with nature.  Mindfulness practice has been shown to enhance happiness, improve health, strengthen our sense of self-efficacy and enable fulfillment by helping us to realise our potential.

Reflection

I identify as a Morning Person, so in retirement I tend to do creative pursuits such as writing in the mornings and the more routine activities in the afternoons or evenings.  As we grow in mindfulness, we can increase our self-awareness, self-compassion, and perception of options.  We can also reduce negativity and self-limiting beliefs to enable us to achieve happiness and fulfillment in retirement.

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Image by Ahmet Yüksek from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Aging and Retirement Planning

Bec Wilson, creator of the Epic Retirement Flagship Course, reminds us that the concept of retirement has changed in recent times.  “Retirement” used to mean leaving your job and work because of your age.  It was often age-related with organisations setting mandatory age limits for full-time employment.  Bec notes that a more modern concept of retirement involves choice – choosing to live off income from investments, superannuation and pensions while undertaking personal exertion in relation to work that you choose to do (whether paid or voluntary).  There is also the choice not to work at all but to pursue your “bucket list”, including travel options or explore hobbies or other recreational/sporting activities.  Bec explores these retirement choices extensively in her book, How to have an Epic Retirement.

Barriers to retirement planning

People are often fearful of retirement planning because they are concerned that they will “run out of money”.  They may be anxious that stopping work will leave them without a purpose and structure to their life.  Many people define themselves by their work role – e.g. a teacher, social worker, lawyer, accountant, or librarian – they are concerned that they will lose their identity if they stop working.  Others are concerned that they  will not be able to enjoy their retirement because they will be afraid to spend money.

One of the biggest barriers to retirement planning is attitudes to aging.  The impact of negative beliefs about aging is pervasive – reaching into  every aspect of our life.  Research shows that negative aging beliefs can have a damaging effect on us, both physically and mentally.  It can severely restrict our perception of options open to us, including retirement planning.  “Ageism” portrayed in the media reinforces negative portrayal of the aging process, highlighting the elements that “decline” without counteracting that with the positive benefits of aging.

In contrast to such reinforced negativity, positive beliefs about aging have numerous benefits including longevity; enhanced knowledge, understanding and wisdom; improved capacity to handle stress; heightened creativity; and improved physical health.  Positive beliefs about aging also free us up to explore the many options available to us in planning our retirement. 

We can develop positive beliefs about aging by increasing our awareness of the pervasive presence of ageism while exploring positive images of aging portrayed in memoirs and stories of exemplars and by interacting with aged people in our family and social network.  With this kind of ammunition we can more readily challenge the assumptions behind negative stereotypes of aging.  We can also begin to explore options for ourselves as we begin to consciously plan for retirement.

One member of the community-based The Epic Retirement Club, Sam Sang,  maintains that we each have “retirement superpowers” – unlimited energy, instant skill mastery, endless travel.  Other members empathise the freedoms that they and other retired people enjoy.  This community sharing of real retirement experiences  contrasts sharply with the pervasive perception that retired people do not have the capacity to contribute to society, are unable to enjoy life and experience severe limitations.

Planning for retirement

Bec is motivated by the desire to help people better understand the choices they have by learning about what supports are available to assist with retirement planning and, in the process, to “figure our what’s really important to you.”.  To this end, she not only provides her Epic Retirement book and Flagship Course but also a 150 page, practical Workbook to “guide you through each module” of the Course.  Bec suggest that you undertake the Course and complete the Workbook with your partner or an “accountability buddy” who  could be a friend.

The Course and Workbook are structured around what Bec calls the Six Pillars of retirement – time, financial confidence, health, happiness and fulfillment and travel.  For each of these pillars, she provides a series of questions and points for discussion, along with quizzes and the space to record our own answers.  For example. Bec provides a basis for calculating longevity to highlight that we often have much more time in retirement than we envisaged based on old data – nowadays, people are looking at 30 or more years in retirement given increased longevity owing to medical breakthroughs, new health and exercise regimes and extensive lifestyle advice.

To assist us to develop financial confidence, she provides the means to calculate whether we have the financial resources to support a comfortable or modest retirement or whether we will be dependent on a Government pension.  A number of exercises in the workbook support this latter source of income.  Bec helps us to complete both the asset test and the income test to enable us to see whether or not we qualify for the Australian Government pension and related financial and health concessions.  For those who are on the borderline of the relevant pension cut-offs, she assists us with suggestions of how we might qualify for the pension in the future.

In relation to health, Bec offers suggestions for ways to improve health outcomes and longevity, including diet, exercise, building a daily routine, managing health risk factors and ensuring you undertake preventative testing at the recommended intervals.  For those of us who experience chronic inflammation, she strongly argues for the need to reduce inflammation by identifying and managing triggers (e.g. foods, environmental toxins and harmful stress).

Her discussion and questions concerning health and happiness are comprehensive and covers aspects such as transitioning to retirement, research about happiness, creating meaning, maintaining and developing relationships, epic pursuits and goals.

In relation to travel, Bec shares the idea that there are potentially three phases of retirement travel: (1) active and independent travel, (2) less active, slower pace travel with the possibility of assisted travel, and (3) travel closer to home (avoiding the rigours of international travel and seeking more comfort).

Reflection

My wife and I are completing the Epic Retirement Course and Workbook together.  We find that this approach is a catalyst for a number of important discussions, including what we will do in retirement; where we want to travel to (we have already been overseas a number of times); how we can create a comfortable retirement; what financial planning we need; what are our assets and overall financial position; how much we will need to live on; where we will like to live in retirement; how we provide for our children; and how to structure our wills.

Bec identifies 5 key stages of retirement: (1) prime time, (2) adjustment, (3) epic retirement, (4) ageing, and (5) frailty.  Even though my wife and I are at different stages of retirement (owing to a 10 year age gap), we are able to use the Epic Retirement Course and Workbook to work towards an agreed, shared retirement future.

Mindfulness practices can help us to develop positive beliefs about aging and contribute to our longevity (we have been married for forty years).  As we grow in mindfulness, we can broaden our retirement options, enhance our creativity and develop new skills relationships and travel options.

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Image by 🌸♡💙♡🌸 Julita 🌸♡💙♡🌸 from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.