Meditation for Clarity and Calm at Work

Neuroscience has highlighted the multiple benefits of mindfulness practice.  These include the capacity to pay attention, sustain task-focus and regulate our emotions.  Mindfulness can contribute to our overall happiness by enabling us to be in the present moment (rather than the past or future), to sustain positive emotions and recover from perceived adverse events.  Mindfulness enhances our capacity in a work situation by  enabling us to handle abstract ideas, to be reflective and to strengthen the communication between the hemispheres of the brain.  Nadine Cherry who teaches meditation and other mindfulness practices to corporate organisations around the world, maintains that meditation can also develop clarity and calm.

In a 12-Minute Meditation podcast  (25 April 2024), Nadine facilitated a session on the theme, Meditation to Cultivate Calm and Clarity.  In that session, she introduced two mindfulness practices that she contends can be used in the workplace or when working at home.  They are short and can be undertaken anywhere:

1. H.A.L.T. Practice

    In this process we can explore the bodily sensations and our thoughts  associated with hunger, agitation, loneliness and tiredness. It involves stopping for a brief period to focus on each of these states and how they are affecting us in the present moment.  It requires tuning into our bodies and our thoughts to assess where we are at in terms of these four human conditions.  It also involves reorienting ourselves when we find that we are being impeded by what is going on both in our bodies and our minds. Nadine maintains that this mindfulness practice can contribute “to inner peace and outer performance at work”.  It can be very useful as a prelude to a potentially tense meeting, a formal presentation or a challenging conversation. 

    2. Vagal Toning

    Vagus nerves are a critical component of our parasympathetic nervous system and are responsible for creating signals between our brain, heart and digestive systems.  Before challenging activities at work, we can experience tightening of our throat or chest.  Vagal Toning involves deep breathing and exhaling with a particular sound that relaxes the vagal nerves.  The process requires deep inhaling through the nose and then exhaling while making a “v” sound.  This action expands the chest and calms the body, enabling clarity of thought and decision-making. Vagal toning helps us to become more grounded and connected to ourselves, enabling us to relax and to achieve optimal performance in the moment.

    Nadine asserts that these two mindfulness practices facilitate “authentic expression” and enable us to overcome “overwhelm” when working.  By helping us to become more connected to ourselves, they assist us to become clear about what we want to do and say in a work situation.

    Reflection

    While listening to Nadine’s podcast and participating in the mindfulness practices she described, I recalled another calming benefit of mindfulness that has personal relevance to my health situation.  I had been watching Dr. Darin Ingles’ Q & A video presentation on the Inflammatory Auto-Immune Response where he mentioned strategies to manage Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) – a condition that I am currently experiencing.

    Mast cells release chemicals that produce an inflammatory response to a “perceived invader” – something the body may misperceive as harmful (e.g. a particular protein found in gluten or milk).  The activation of the mast cells can range on a spectrum from mild to severe.  Darin maintains that in addition to medication, natural processes such as bodywork “can be helpful in resetting your autonomous nervous system and getting it back under control”.  He mentions explicitly bodywork such as meditation, Tai Chi, acupuncture, vagal toning, yoga and deep breathing as being especially helpful in toning down the body’s “hyper-active” immune response.

    The calming influence of Tai Chi on MCAS provides an added motivation for me to practise Tai Chi regularly.  I have previously developed a mnemonic, FRAICHE, to remind me of other potential benefits of this mindfulness practice – flexibility, reflexes, awareness, intention, concentration and coordination, heart health and energy.  So, as we grow in mindfulness through practices such as H.A.L.T. , vagal toning and Tai Chi we can calm our body and mind and develop clarity in our thinking and decision-making.

    Darin is the author of The Lyme Solution: A 5-Part Plan to Fight the Inflammatory Auto-Immune Response and Beat Lyme and provides a regular podcast on health issues, Resilient Health Radio.

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    This post is provided for information purposes only and is not intended to replace personal medical advice provided by a trained medical practitioner.  Please seek advice from a qualified professional before deciding on treatments for yourself or other members of your family.

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    Image by Fabiana pfernandes from Pixabay

    By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

    Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

    Deprivation Can Engender Gratitude

    We take so much for granted – that we can breathe, walk, talk, see, and hear.  Deprivation makes us aware how privileged we are to have these functions and other functions such as choosing what we want to eat, achieving basic elimination functions with ease or being able to write or key (not encumbered by arthritic pain and distortion).  The recent Reversing Mast Cell Activation and Histamine Intolerance Summit 2.0 brought home the stark realities of how Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and/or histamine intolerance can impact the quality of our life.

    As I listened to various expert speakers who themselves had experienced these conditions, I became more aware of what I do have in terms of quality of life and daily functions.   Some of the speakers had periods when they were super-sensitive to smells (such as the perfume of their daughter), unable to eat a wide range of foods because of allergies) or were sensitive to mold in their homes. Others spoke of the symptoms of histamine intolerance and the impact this had on their daily life and their capacity to choose what they would like to eat. 

    Hope and social support

    Parental and social support build hope and agency and enable people with chronic illness or disability to rise above their health challenges and achieve a successful recovery, often beyond peoples’ wildest dreams.  

    Alexa Leary’s story – from tragedy to triumph

    The recovery story of Alexa Leary, Australian Paralympic Swimmer destined for Paris 2024 Olympic Games, is a hugely inspiring account of how parental support and social support have helped her to achieve her goals.   Three years ago Alexa had a very serious accident on her bike as a world-class triathlete – causing traumatic brain injury and multiple other significant injuries.  She was not expected to live, and, even if she did survive, she was not expected to be able to talk or walk.  Alexa’s parents set aside their own lives and spent six months by her bedside in hospital to support her recovery. 

    Alexa’s rehabilitation efforts are starkly illustrated in the video story, Triumph Over Tragedy.   Her incredible sporting accomplishments since the accident reinforces the value of the social support she received from organisations such as the global Pho3nix Foundation, dedicated to helping young people through sport and activity to develop a “sense of purpose, focus and possibility”.   Alexa was a participant in their Athlete Program designed to enable underfunded, aspiring Paralympics and Olympic athletes to compete in the Olympic Games.  When sharing her story of recovery through radio, television and social media, Alexa emphasised the critical role music played in her life and recovery.

    Specialised Support through ADDA

    Duane Gordon, President of Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA), elaborates on the benefits of social support and shares multiple stories of how ADDA’s many support groups have facilitated the recovery of its members.   Tom, an accomplished engineer, experienced overwhelm in everyday tasks such as shopping but was able to gain support and ADHD-friendly strategies through ADDA’s Healthy Habits and ADHD Brain Group.  People with ADHD typically experience relationship difficulties but ADDA’s support group Loving and Living with ADHD: Partners Connecting helped Mark and his partner to rise above the challenges of this condition and strengthen their relationship.  ADDA’s support group, ADHD @ Work> Survive and Thrive Support Group,  helped James recover from the  loss of his job caused by ADHD challenges such as confusion, meeting deadlines and remembering tasks.   

    Reflection

    I was recently diagnosed with early stage, normal tension Glaucoma which has reduced my peripheral vision.  I am undertaking a series of tests to determine what the cause is and what kind of treatment is required.  The diagnosis has forced me to face the prospect of increased loss of sight, retraction of my driver’s licence and loss of the associated independence.  The social support provided by the Creative Meetups, sponsored by the Health Story Collaborative, is particularly critical at this point in time.

    I wrote the following poem as a way of reflecting on my present circumstances with the possibility of increased loss of vision:

    Losing Sight

    Sight lighting my way,
    expanding my horizons,
    disclosing people and cultures,
    revealing nature’s beauty,
    enabling enjoyable activity.

    Playing a game of tennis,
    writing a book,
    driving a car,
    watching a video,
    reading a book,
    creating a poem,
    developing a blog.

    Encroaching blackness,
    moving in from the edges.
    Losing sight a real prospect.
    Rescinding of independence.
    Storing recollections for future reference.

    A long-playing internal videotape,
    of my best tennis shots,
    played over the years.
    Now categorised by tennis stroke –
    forehand, backhand, volley, serve and smash.

    A rich palette of memories of nature’s beauty –
    blue and white, purple and brown,
    red and orange, yellow and green,
    grey and black.

    Moving from sight to sound,
    from reading to listening,
    from writing to recording,
    from driving to walking.

    Feeling my way.
    Testing to understand.
    Exploring my options.
    Appreciating what I do have – while I have it.

    As we grow in mindfulness through reflection, meditation and time spent in nature, we can increase our appreciation and gratitude, fortify our hope and strengthen our resilience.

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    Image by Shan from Pixabay

    By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

    Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

    Managing Adult ADHD

    Recently BrainWorx launched a virtual interview series that they called the ADHD Toolbox Live with more than 20 speakers involving both live and prerecorded interviews.  Some of these highly informative interviews are available on the BrainWorx blog.  The Mayo Clinic explains that Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a chronic condition in some children and adults that cannot be cured but can be managed through behavioural interventions and medication.

    Mel Robbins in her podcast, Six Surprising Signs of Adult ADHD, draws on her extensive research and interviews with leading ADHD experts to explain that ADHD is “a chronic neurobiological disorder” that has an impact on the brain both structurally and chemically and can affect how the brain communicates amongst its various parts.  

    Duane Gordon, President of the Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA), explained in his BrainWorx Toolbox presentation that ADHD results in “differences in brain development” that can negatively impact capacity to pay attention, to exercise self-control and to remain inactive (“being hyperactive” – a description often given to “naughty children” at school).

    Misconceptions about ADHD

    Duane was at pains to explain that there are many misconceptions/myths surrounding ADHD.  These misconceptions include:

    • The belief that ADHD is only a children’s disorder – increasingly adults are diagnosed with it when an adult (however, research shows that ADHD is formed before 12 years of age)
    • The assumption that people with ADHD “lack intelligence” (the opposite is often true)
    • The exhortation that people with ADHD should just “try harder” (which Duane explains is the most damaging of all misconceptions because it attacks a person’s self-esteem as they are already doing everything in their power to “keep afloat” with everyday demands).
    • The perception that ADHD is a “little inconvenient” (Duane explains , however, that ADHD can deeply affect every facet of your life – such as financial health, career and relationships).  Duane, who himself has ADHD, comments that it “digs into every aspect of your life”.

    Symptoms of Adult ADHD

    In her podcast of the six surprising signs of adult ADHD, Mel Robbins identifies the following key characteristics:

    1. Hyperfocus – ability to focus intensively in particular settings (e.g. when working on a creative project or writing) despite an inability to focus in other settings (e.g. with children, hyper-focus on computer games but inability to pay attention in class at school)
    2. Difficulty controlling emotions – can be impulsive, easily frustrated and reactive
    3. A tendency to shop impulsively and over-spend – Mel cites Dr. Amen who explains that the compulsive shopping or drug and alcohol abuse can be an attempt to “stimulate the brain with a dopamine rush” (a chemical that has a role in learning, attention & mood)
    4. Time management problems reflected in lateness, being the last person to arrive
    5. Capacity to function at a high level – workaholism (including “all-nighters”) and entrepreneurial success
    6. Highly self-critical – constantly “beating up” on oneself for “disappointing everyone”.

    Mel, however, drawing on the work of Dr. Ellen Littman and others who co-authored the book, Understanding Girls with ADHD, points out that the ADHD symptoms of girls are often different to those of boys.  She explains that this contributes to the fact that adult women are often diagnosed with ADHD later than men.  Mel herself was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 47 (by accident when her son was formally diagnosed with the same condition).  She explains that the major difference between women (girls) and men (boys) with ADHD is that the symptoms are typically internal rather than external. 

    Boys, for example (like her son), express their symptoms physically such as impulsive physical behaviour, fidgeting, inability to keep still, inability to pay attention and concentrate, easily distracted, continuous leg movement and a tendency to interrupt proceedings (such as classes).  Girls/women (like herself) tend to daydream and are disorganised and forgetful, and are hard on themselves, seeing their ADHD as a “character flaw”. 

    Mel notes, again drawing on the work of Dr. Littman and colleagues, that the outcomes for girls tend to be worse than those for boys – resulting in low-self-esteem, self-loathing, eating disorders, and suicidal ideation.  In common with boys, girls can experience “overwhelm” but Ellen Littman contends that outcomes for girls (and women) can be “horrendous”.

    Managing Adult ADHD

    Duane argues that a starting point is to “embrace” your ADHD.   By this, he means to “look for aspects that make you special” such as storytelling, leadership capability, capacity for public speaking and creativity.  He points out that some of the world’s leading entrepreneurs have been diagnosed with ADHD as adults.  He explains that when people are first diagnosed as adults they tend to experience shock, feel shame, resist the diagnosis and tend to become absorbed in regret.  He notes, however, that many of the forward-looking organisations are seeking out people who are neuro-divergent because they “think outside the box”.

    Duane was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult in similar circumstances to those of Mel – his own diagnosis was accidental when his daughter was diagnosed with ADHD.  He explained that when he was first diagnosed with ADHD he did not have a phone number on his business card because he could not talk to people – now as President of ADDA he talks to people all over the world about the condition and its personal and social impacts. 

    Duane strongly advocates for self-compassion, which involves not only self-acceptance but also self-forgiveness.  He explains that there is often a stigma attached to ADHD because “neuro-typical” people tend to attach negative meanings to the ADHD condition, they are blind to the unique talents of those people who are “neuro-divergent”.  Kevin Bailey, a Certified ADHD Coach, argues in his ADHD Toolbox interview, that we should acknowledge that “we’re all perfectly imperfect” and suggests that adults with ADHD could employ his strategy of acting “as fast as I can, as slow as I need”.  His interview with the Wired for Winning video podcast relates his experience of “otherness” as a neuro-diverse, black person with ADHD and Autism.

    Duane counsels us that everyone’s ADHD is different – he comments that his daughter’s ADHD “is different to mine”.  Accordingly, it is not possible to offer a precise solution for an individual adult for managing their condition, there is, in his words, a “group of solutions” that others have found helpful and can be used as personal experiments to see what works for you.

    Duane strongly recommends the social support offered by a community of people with adult ADHD such as that offered by ADDA, the largest such organisation in the world.  Not only does ADDA provide resources but it also facilitates exchange between members so that people can share their stories, the manifestations of ADHD in their lives and the solutions that have worked for them.  This is similar to the healing power of storytelling embraced by the Creative Meetups hosted by the Health Story Collaborative (HSC).  Duane suggests that organisations such as ADDA help adults to “take your ADHD and discover it for yourself” – facilitating the process of learning, experimentation, making adjustments and continuously applying new learning.

    ADDA provides a free monograph which offers what it calls, 5 Pillars to Manage Your ADHD:

    1. Learn self-acceptance
    2. Take control of your life
    3. Get enough sleep
    4. Avoid over-committing
    5. Engage a support system

    Duane’s interview for the ADHD Toolkit, Why Entrepreneurship is a Great Match for ADHD, can be found here.

    The metabolic approach to managing adult ADHD

    Mel in another podcast interview with Dr. Chris Palmer, Harvard psychologist and author of Brain Energy, explored the metabolic approach to managing adult ADHD.  In the podcast, The Truth About ADHD in Adults, she delved into metabolic health issues as the root cause of mental health disorders.  This led her to a discussion with Chris about key elements impacting metabolic health such as nutrition, sleep , exercise and other lifestyle elements – all of which can negatively impact brain functioning when they are lacking or inadequate.

    Chris argues that an elimination diet over two weeks could help to identify what foods you are sensitive to, e.g. dairy and gluten (which could lead to brain inflammation).  He contends that metabolic health (and associated brain functioning) can be improved by increasing protein intake, lowering carbohydrates, eliminating alcohol and smoking (vaping) and undertaking daily exercise (even Cardio 2 level exercise – e.g.,  light jog, hiking, swimming).  

    Chris maintains that children with ADHD internalise the messages they receive at school and elsewhere, e.g., “you are a “problem child”, and this negatively impacts their self-esteem, both in childhood and adulthood.  From his research, he contends that 50% of people with ADHD have “more than one diagnostic label”, e.g., Autism, Bipolar Disorder, and 10% will develop Schizophrenia.

    Reflection

    Gaining knowledge about ADHD helps us to understand better the challenges faced by adults with this condition.  It can help us to develop greater tolerance of their hyperactivity, messiness, disorganisation, inability to concentrate, poor time management and incapacity to “remain on task”.

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    Image by Chen from Pixabay

    By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

    Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

    Surrender: A Pathway to Gratitude

    In the May Creative Meetup, sponsored by the Health Story Collaborative, we focused on the theme of “surrender”.   The discussion proved to be both inspiring and insightful with participants freely sharing their wisdom born of their lived experience of dealing with chronic illness or disability.  One area we looked at was the act of “letting go” of what is holding us back – our old beliefs, self-doubts, negative self-stories, fears, and expectations of ourselves and others.  Associated with surrender, too, is the possibility of shedding an identity that no longer works for us.

    Another sub-theme was that of “giving up” as Lily Tomlin comments, “to give up all hope of a better past”.  It also means accepting ourselves “as we are” with all our foibles, mistakes, deficiencies, hurts, disappointments, losses and limitations.  It involves accepting that we are not perfect and, in the process, opening ourselves to life’s challenges and vicissitudes.   It is about achieving equanimity through acknowledging the fragility of the human condition.  Our facilitator for the Meetup, Jennifer Harris, shared a passage from Jeff Brown in which he encourages us “to celebrate how far we have come”, noting that the “river doesn’t ask itself why it is not an ocean”.

    Negative self-talk – an impediment to creativity

    In their book, What Happened to You?, Dr. Bruce Perry and Winfrey Oprah point out that personal trauma can lead to a distorted worldview, sensitivity to cues (triggers) and negative self-messages.   In reflecting as part of the Creative Meetup process, I realised that my adverse childhood experiences contributed to my sense that I was “not good enough” and, at times, that I was actually an “impostor”.  

    Seth Godin, best-selling author of 21 books, maintains that this kind of negative self-talk is an impediment to creativity and the realisation of our potential.  There were times in my life when I was full of self-doubt and beset with “fear of failure’ or inability to achieve my desired outcomes.  I also felt discouraged by resistance to organisational changes or innovations I was trying to create.

    Seth Godin contends that uncertainty about outcomes is integral to the concept of creativity – we “go out on a limb” or “leap into the unknown” when we attempt to develop something new or introduce a change to the way things are done.  For Seth, the chance of failure is always present when you are being creative.  He argues that focusing on process rather than outcomes can free us from fear and enable us to explore new opportunities unimpeded by uncertainty.  

    Seth reinterprets the concept of “impostor” to acknowledge that whenever we are being creative the outcomes are uncertain.  In that sense, we will feel that we are “fake” or not the “real thing” because we cannot guarantee the outcome – a natural sensation in the face of uncertainty.   The ”impostor syndrome” can occur whether we are engaged in writing, facilitating, managing people or undertaking some other creative activity.

    Gratitude for social support

    Social support can take many forms and may involve groups or individuals.   Sometimes it is being  supported by a group, such as the Creative Meetups, where you share your stories, challenges and insights.  At other times it may involve emotional and intellectual support from someone who helps you overcome fear of failure.  When I reflected on the theme of surrender, I became acutely aware of the many people who have helped me during my life to achieve significant outcomes despite my ingrained self-doubts – to help me “let go” of the fear and embrace the creative challenge.  This reflection, in turn, engendered a strong sense of gratitude towards all of these individuals who have had a positive influence in my life by believing in me and my capabilities. Some outstanding examples include:

    • My Mother, a devout Catholic, who supported my education at a private school and believed that I was destined to be a priest and was capable of successfully undertaking the relevant study and training.  To that end, I joined a Contemplative Order and completed five of the six years required for ordination as a priest.  However, I left before my final year owing to illness and external factors.  During my training, I excelled in my studies, was exposed to the emerging fields of Existentialism and Phenomenology, enjoyed the practice of silence and learnt to meditate and sing Gregorian Chant.  It was a life of incredible richness and balance – with strong group social support, challenging learning, daily prayer and meditation, sport and recreation and work on the farm owned by the Order.
    • Charlie Venning, my boss and mentor in the Brisbane Taxation Office, who believed in me to the point of promoting me to be Chief Internal Auditor, Manager of 90 staff engaged in collecting AUD700 Million of taxpayer revenue and, eventually, an Executive Director.
    • Peter Sullivan, a visionary Executive who worked in the Canberra Head Office of the Australian Taxation Office.  Peter had such a strong belief in my capabilities that he engaged me over a number of years to work on three significant national projects involving the organisation-wide development of the Taxation Office.  Peter always believed that I was capable of achieving more than I ever dreamed was possible.
    • Emeritus Professor Ortrun Zuber-Skerritt, author/co-author of 50 books, who first engaged me in 1989 to be the Government representative on the First International Symposium on Action Research in Higher Education, Government and Industry held in Brisbane.  In 1991, Ortrun and I were founding executive members of the Action Learning and Action Research Association which continues today and has had a significant role in promoting action learning and action research on a global basis through World Congresses, international conferences, publications and speaking engagements.  I was President of the Association for five years from 1992. Ortrun proved to be my mentor, PhD supervisor and friend of more than 30 years.  When I doubted my capacity to do a PhD, she encouraged me strongly and provided me with ongoing support.  I have become one of her international “critical friends” for her book writing and provided concept editing for some of her books as well as book reviews. I have also contributed chapters to four of her books and a chapter, The Practical Visionary, to the book produced to honour her lifelong contribution to action learning and action research.   Ortrun is a visionary who has enviable tenacity, resilience and resourcefulness – part of her German inheritance.
    • Reg Revans, Father of Action Learning, I met Reg Revans in 1990 when he was a Keynote Speaker at the First World Congress on Action Learning and Action Research.  Ortrun was Convenor of the Congress and had invited Reg.  I picked up Reg from the airport when he arrived in Brisbane from the UK and took him to his motel opposite Griffith University.  Reg asked if I could show him the QE11 Stadium, the site for the 1982 Commonwealth Games which was adjacent to the University.  In 1930, Reg had represented Britain at the Commonwealth Games and won a silver medal in the triple jump and long jump. After taking him on a car tour of the site, I joined Reg for dinner at his motel and his charisma was evident to all in the restaurant – he was a great storyteller.  Reg inspired everyone at the Congress and his work continues to inspire me today.  I completed my action learning PhD in 1996 drawing heavily on Reg’s work and his book, The Origins and Growth of Action Learning.  My colleague, Julie Cork, and I have conducted over 70 longitudinal, action learning programs for managers over the last 16 years (involving more than 2,000 managers). We are currently co-authoring an action learning book for managers based on our experience in our manager development programs.  Julie, too, has been a very positive influence on me through her belief in my facilitations skills, my understanding of action learning, and my knowledge of manager and organisation development, as well as her willingness to explore the unknown and to collaborate on creating innovative programs.
    • Dr. Bob Dick taught me about organisation development and facilitation skills at the University of Queensland in the 1980’s when I undertook my MBA majoring in training and development.  Bob had an acknowledged, unique, participative style of teaching.  I have modelled my facilitation/co-facilitation of more than 1,000 workshops on his style.   Bob also provided mentorship for me when I was engaged in organisation development activities in the Taxation Office over a number of years.  We have also worked together to promote action learning and action research and to co-author a book on this topic.  I highly value our 40 years of friendship and collaboration.
    • Selva and Param Abraham who had an unshakeable belief in my action learning expertise and sound knowledge of the Tertiary Education Sector.  They are founding owners and now co-owners of the Australian Institute of Business (AIB) – accredited to doctoral level and the largest provider of MBA’s in Australia.  During my 32 years working in an adjunct capacity at AIB (1985-2017), I designed postgraduate courses, was a member of the Academic Board and eventually, Chair of the Research Committee. I also contributed substantially to the organisation’s ongoing accreditation within the Australian Higher Education System.   In my final year when I retired as a Professor of Management, I was honoured with the award of Emeritus Professor.
    • My State Director in the Federal Government Department of Social Security who appointed me as HRM Director as an external applicant (against the trend of internal promotions) and, subsequently, Director, Corporate Services, with responsibility for training and development, human resource management, staffing levels and pay for 3,000 staff in 30 locations across Queensland.  He eventually recommended me for secondment to Griffith University where I spent 11 years as an academic.
    • Emeritus Professor Fals Borda of the Bogota University who believed in my capacity to co-convene a World Congress on Action Learning and Action Research, held in Cartagena, Colombia (South America) in 1997.  The Congress was attended by 1,800 people from 61 countries.  I arranged seeding money for the Invitations to Present; participated as a member of the International Planning Committee as well as an Expert Panel Member; acted as Coordinator of the Organisational Development Stream; and officially opened the Congress with Orlando.  The occasion led me to conduct an impromptu workshop on action learning and organisational change with a group of postgraduate students who were Spanish-speaking.  One of their number acted as interpreter as I progressively explained a major action learning, organisational development project that was the subject of my PhD.
    • Seth Godin, among other things, was the creator of the social media platform, Squidoo (2005).  The platform enabled people to create Squidoo Lenes (effectively individual, modular websites) on any topic – a very strong encouragement to write and share knowledge and understanding.  Revenue from the site, generated through affiliate links/modules, was shared with authors and charities.  Squidoo was also an active community of writers from across the world and became the source of two of my long-standing friendships with my German counterparts, Anne Corcino and Achim Thiemermann, who were resident in America.  Together we collaborated in 2011 with two resident German programmers, Hans Braxmeier and Simon Steinberger, to build the Wizzley social media site – an online community of writers still operating today.   Seth and Squidoo proved to be a great inspiration for my writing and I became a “leader’ in the platform with more than 100 Squidoo lens.  I then went on to create a 6-month social media training program and developed a blog and e-book on Squidoo Marketing Strategies.  Seth provided personal encouragement when he featured my biographical Squidoo lens in his monograph, For the Love of Squidoo, commenting positively on my interesting career and humourous article, An Ethnographical Study of Cartagena Taxi Drivers.   Unfortunately, Squidoo became one of the dead websites after a very successful run and was sold to HubPages – which proved to be a sad day for Squidoo advocates.  Seth, a globally acknowledged marketing guru, has a blog on which he writes daily posts.  Seth’s blog has been a long-standing inspiration for my own blog on mindfulness.  I started writing posts daily too but this became too much when I had to conduct workshops in multiple locations across the State.   However, since 2016, I have created in excess of 750 posts on this Grow Mindfulness blog.

    I am conscious that, owing to time and space, I have not done justice to the level of influence that these people have had on my career and life.  I am also conscious that I have omitted other people who strongly influenced me in a positive way such as Emeritus Professors David Limerick and Richard Bawden

    Reflection

    It is clear to me that social support is critical for personal development and the realisation of a person’s potential.  It also has a significant healing power.  The social support, both individual and group support, that I have enjoyed over many years has enabled me to overcome some of the residual effects of adverse childhood experiences.   Social support enables us to surrender – to let go of negative self-stories, to build self-efficacy, open new horizons and go beyond where we have travelled before.  I can relate strongly to the metaphor, Standing on the Shoulders of Giants – an allusion to achieving intellectual and emotional progress by building on the ground-breaking understanding of those who have gone before.  

    In reflecting on the social support provided by the individuals who helped me to let go of my self-doubts and fear, I am filled with gratitude for their positive contributions to my career and life.  Surrendering by “letting go” thus provides a pathway to gratitude.

    As we grow in mindfulness through reflection on our life journey and appreciation of all who have helped us on our way, we can gain renewed strength to move forward and contribute to a better society.  The Creative Meetups sponsored by the Health Story Collaborative have a key role in this endeavour by enabling writing, reflection and storytelling for health and personal development.

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    Image by John Hain from Pixabay

    By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

    Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

    On Being Deaf

    Jessica Kirkness in her memoir, The House With All the Lights On, lets us see and hear what it is like to live with grandparents who are Deaf.   Her story covers her experience of living under the one roof with her parents and grandparents and coming to understand the “language of light”.  In the process, Jessica enlightens us about what it means to be deaf and how to interact with adults who are deaf.

    Jessica’s grandfather spent a lot of time in and out of hospital.  She highlighted the problem of a lack of understanding on the part of hospital staff despite being told of her grandfather’s deafness. She maintained that his hospital care was often compromised because “staff had no clue how to interact with him”.   This was despite explicit instructions to get his attention before speaking to him, use pen and pad to enable him to understand their message and respond and ensure they actually looked at him when talking.

    Jessica herself had studied Auslan (Australian Sign Language) to communicate with her grandparents, particularly with her Grandfather who refused to learn how to speak.  She even had to use sign language to communicate to him in hospital that he was dying after a cardiac arrest.  Jessica provides an enlightening  insight into sign language and its accompanying “visual and spatial tactics” generated by the hands and body movement.  She explains that movement serves to direct the viewer’s attention.

    Being deaf

    Jessica makes the point that, contrary to the general opinion in the community, her grandparents viewed their deafness as a “way of being in the world”, not a deficit (the focus on something missing).  They were able to recognise nuances in facial expressions and insisted that everyone faced them directly when they talked to them.  This enabled them to expertly read faces and attempt to lip read.

    Jessica points out at one stage in her book about the lipreading  traps inherent in the English language.  She explains that this is the result of what is called “homophemes” – “words that sound different but involve identical movements of the speaker’s lips”.   The words themselves have different meanings, leading to confusion and stress for the lip reader.

    Discrimination

    Jessica quotes Rachel Kolb’s TED Talk, Navigating Deafness in a Hearing World, when she discusses the “primacy of voice” in our hearing world and the fact that “mouths are not a prerequisite for speech”.   Rachel makes the salient point that if you can’t hear, how can you learn to speak?  She was born profoundly deaf and has become a Rhodes Scholar, writer and disability advocate.

    Rachel knew that her speech was defective and had to come to terms with her difference.  She spent 18 years in speech therapy to be able to talk, spending a lot of time learning speech through feeling the vibrations in the throat of her speech therapist.  Still people thought that her difference in speech was due to a foreign accent.

    Jessica highlights the discrimination experienced by her grandparents in what is a “hearing world”.  People expect to be understood when they speak (“being heard”, “being listened to”).  The distortions in the speech of many deaf people lead to misunderstandings and assumptions about “lack of intelligence” or dumbness.  Jessica states that “deafness is the thing that we cannot look away from but cannot bear to face”.

    The disruption and disorientation of deafness in a hearing world is not understood and sometimes feared.  People lack an appreciation that a deaf person can have a heightened sense of sight and an enhanced peripheral vision (so that actions “behind their back” can sometimes be detected and seen as derogatory).  People who are deaf often have a strong sense of touch and vibration.  As Jessica remarks, “sound is received in the body in all sorts of ways” and people who are deaf can “hear” music through vibrations in the floor.  I had personal experience of this in Melbourne when a group of us visited a school for deaf children and watched them dancing enthusiastically to music by sensing floor vibrations.

    The language of light

    Jessica’s Grandmother insisted that ‘the entire self is required for conversation”.  She could not tolerate people turning away from her when listening to what she had to say.  Jessica does point out, however, that the exception to this “whole-self rule” was when she was driving.  She notes too that “touch and sight were always interwoven” for her grandparents.  The world for them was “experienced through the interplay of the eyes and body”.

    Consciousness of light was important because being in front of windows when communicating could create shadows that distort the images of hands and faces.  The world of deaf people is “driven by sight” where looking is equivalent to knowing.  Gerald Shea titled his book The Language of Light to express the role of light in sign language and the centrality of the visual for the deaf.  When the lights go out there is no dialogue.

    Reflection

    Jesscia’s book helped me to understand how easy it is to unconsciously exclude a person who is fully or partially deaf.  It reminded me that I have a friend in her eighties who is hard of hearing and I often overlook the need to face her when I talk.  She points out that being able to speak multiple languages, she has developed a propensity for lipreading – something I deprive her of when I am not facing her.  She often notes too that I “mumble”, failing to properly articulate my words which increases her sense of isolation.

    By gaining an understanding of what it is like being deaf, we can learn to better include deaf people by more conscious speech and actions.  As we grow in mindfulness, we can increase our awareness of people’s differences, our own limitations and biases and be more compassionate in our interactions with others.  

    Having been considerably moved by Jessica’s book, I wrote the following poem from the perspective of someone who is deaf:

    Being Deaf

    Being deaf is not a deficit
    It’s a way of being in the world.
    With refined senses of sight and touch
    A reliance on light for meaning.

    Face me so I can read your lips
    Be in the light so I see the nuances in your facial expressions.
    I am not dumb, I am deaf
    I sense sound through vibrations.

    While I can’t hear
    I can see and feel things that you don’t notice.
    My vision is not narrow
    I can see my periphery clearly.

    Don’t avoid me out of fear
    Approach me out of curiosity.
    Don’t judge me for my voice distortions
    Listen intently for my message.

    _________________________________________

    Image by Ivana Tomášková from Pixabay

    By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

    Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

    Shedding an Identity

    In a previous post, I discussed surrendering to the process of shedding old beliefs.  There are also times when we need to shed an identity or an aspect of one of our identities.  In this context, identity relates to the way we conceive of ourselves as being different to others – it can encompass a set of specific skills or trade (e.g. an architect); a level of achievement in sport, art or literature (e.g. a writer); and/or represent identification with a particular group such as a cultural or ethnic group.  There are times, however, when assuming an identity ceases to work for us owing to outside influences, often beyond our control.

    Elite sportspeople, for example, who suffer a career-ending injury are confronted with the need to reframe their identity.  Others may find that chronic illness or a disability makes it impossible to pursue the activities that they once saw as part of their identity.  It may mean that they can no longer teach, write or act in the theatre, so they need to rethink how they define themselves or suffer ongoing frustration and, potentially, depression.   People who suffer from the debilitating effects of Long Covid often find that they can no longer entertain an identity that has been a large part of their life – brain fog, fatigue, inability to concentrate and endless pain can preclude activities that they once saw as part and parcel of how they viewed themselves and their capability.

    Shedding an identity is a long but rewarding process

     Shedding an identity takes time and self-care.  It involves acknowledging a declining competence, recognising a loss of self-efficacy and a need to address self-esteem issues.  While there can be residual elements of an identity retained in the event of major life changes, there needs to be acceptance that you are no longer like you used to be in relation to the identity being shed.  The challenge is to handle the change not only at an intellectual level but also on an emotional and physical level, particularly where a life time of competence building has been involved.

    However, the rewards of shedding an obsolete identity are a sense of freedom, the opportunity to pursue other creative outlets, and build a new sense of identity.  One participant in a recent Creative Meetup noted that leaving her corporate job (and related corporate identity and trappings) provided space for her to pursue her artistic talents – she indicated that it had felt very constraining to be “an artist in a corporate suit”.

    A personal example of the process of shedding an identity       

    I prided myself as an “A” Grade tennis player, having won a number of team competitions at that level.   I enjoyed the feeling of competence and control that I could gain from playing great tennis shots and winning games (including my own serve).  Associated with this identity was a sense of agility, speed and endurance over many games and sets of tennis.  I would pride myself for being able to chase down a drop-shot and play a winning shot from this position (I was a school champion sprinter in secondary school).

    However, more recently I have been diagnosed with multi-level spinal degeneration, exercise asthma and arthritis in my “trigger finger” (used to hold the racquet firmly).  The combination of these disabilities means that I can no longer use my “first serve” without causing injury to my back (because of the need to bend sideways), no longer play singles tennis (as a result of the exercise asthma) or hit the ball hard for a sustained period (because of the pain from the arthritic finger).  I have also had to avoid net play to reduce the risk of falling or being hit in the face (where I have had multiple surgeries for skin cancers, including a melanoma – a vestige of playing summer competition in the Queensland heat).  The challenge for my self-esteem is that I have gone from being a tennis player that people want to partner because of my proven competence to an aged player that some people resent playing with.

    Over many years I have built up my sense of self-efficacy in playing tennis by recalling good shots that I have played during a match.  I would go to sleep at night replaying different shots in my head.  The net result is that I have virtually a video-tape library stored in my head that I can sort by tennis shot (e.g., backhand, volley, lob) covering shots that I have played over many years in both competitive and social contexts.  The challenge to my self-esteem now is that while I can envision these shots, I can rarely execute them.  As an opponent said on one occasion when I missed while playing a top-spin forehand shot down the sideline, “You must be playing from memory”.  He was right, but little did he know that I had spent many hours by myself just practising that shot when I was younger.

    So I have had to make adaptions including shedding the image of being a very competent “A” Grade tennis player.  My adaption has involved making changes at three levels:

    1. Mental
    • Giving up the goal of winning each shot/game (I no longer have the “weapons”)
    • Focusing on achieving shots that surprise my opposition as well as my partner (because of residual skills associated with my original tennis identity, e.g., being able to play different spin shots, able to “read the play”, sound positioning on the court, and an array of shots that I have learned and practised over more than 60 years).  The ingrained skills acquired through conscious effort have enabled me to retain the capacity to play instinctive shots in some situations (shots that I have never practised but just do intuitively in a rally, e.g., backhand, half-volley lob).
    2. Physical
    • No net play or running down drop shots
    • No smashes or first serves
    • No lengthy rallies involving a lot of running
    • No singles play
    • No playing in daylight (because of UV radiation and the risk of more skin cancers/melanomas)
    3. Emotional
    • Overcoming the worry about what people ‘think” in terms of my tennis prowess (or lack of it)
    • Being able to rise above my mistakes when playing tennis
    • Dealing with my tennis partner’s expectations and/or disappointment
    • Coping with the frustration of not being able to play a shot that I used to play with ease.

    Reflection

      Shedding an identity is a multi-layered affair that takes time – sometimes it is two steps forward and one backward, particularly on the emotional level.  At least I am only dealing with an identity in a recreational/sporting arena.  A lot of people are dealing with shedding an identity (or multiple identities) that are core to who they perceive themselves to be, and by how they are recognised by others.

      Progressively shedding the identity of a competent “A” Grade tennis player has made room for me to develop a new creative outlet in the form of poetry.   Over the past few months, I have written at least eight poems of reasonable length that have caused one observer to comment, “You are a talented poet” – so something lost, something gained.   This provides a new arena for me to build a new sense of competence and self-efficacy – by writing poetry and researching this writing genre as I have done through books such as Kim Rosen’s book, Saved by a Poem: The Transformative Power of Words.

      As we grow in mindfulness through reflection, writing, and sharing in community, we can develop new creative outlets, build stronger emotional regulation and develop resilience to manage life’s challenges and setbacks that lead to the need to shed an identity.

      ______________________________

      Image by John Hain from Pixabay

      By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

      Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

      Surrendering to the Process of Shedding Old Beliefs

      There are times when we have to shed something of ourself that we hold dear – our beliefs, our self-stories, or an aspect of our identity.   Sharon Salzberg, in her new book Real Life, describes this shedding process as “the movement from constraint, narrowness and limitation to openness, connection, and freedom”.   Shedding was the topic introduced by Jennifer Harris, the facilitator of our recent Creative Meetup.

      Jennifer introduced the theme of shedding by sharing Harryette Mullen’s poem, Shedding Skin.  Harryette likens the process of shedding to stripping off “old scarred skin” and “sloughing off deadscales”.  In her view, it involves being open to vulnerability by “shedding toughness, peeling layers down”.   Jennifer also introduced the words of a song by Florence and the Machine in which she sings, “And in the Spring I shed my skin”.  These words from Rabbit heart (Raise Me Up) are interpreted to mean “shed timidity and become courageous”.

      Shedding old beliefs

      Neale Donald Walsch, in an interview with Kute Blackson for the Soul Talk Podcast, spoke at length about the challenge of giving up old beliefs.  He had been told by his father not to talk to black people because “they were trash”.  He sustained this belief for some time because he thought it would be disrespectful to challenge the authority of his parent.  However, his own life experience as a radio host caused considerable cognitive dissonance for him to the point where he had to shed his old belief about black people.  Neale found that when interviewing for his radio show the audience was predominantly black and he found that they were, in fact, “brilliant and incredible…nice human beings” and ended up having lunch with them and seeking a close friendship with one black person in particular.  He had to shed his old, wrong beliefs about black people to overcome his cognitive dissonance and sustain his relationships with members of his audience.

      Neale also had to shed his beliefs about women (again taught by his father) – “women should take care of the house and kids and not being paid equally, not being as bright as men”.  This belief undermined his relationships with women and resulted in multiple failed marriages.  His beliefs about women were constraining, limiting and narrow.  It took regular relationship crises for him to challenge his beliefs and to learn to behave differently in his relationships with women.  So, disconfirming evidence and/or life crises can lead to shedding wrong or outdated beliefs.

      However, some people continue to maintain firmly held beliefs despite disconfirming or conflicting evidence and will defend them with overt or covert aggression.  I learnt this at my own expense when I was a young manager in the 1980’s.  I participated in a national conference for State Managers of Training held by the Australian Taxation Office in Canberra.  At one stage in the process, an Assistant Commissioner of Taxation (2IC) joined us to provide moral support for the Central Office Training Team (who were “under fire” from the State representatives for trying to centralise all training).  During the Assistant Commissioner’s presentation, I politely challenged his statement that “The Taxation Office is at the forefront of technology in Australia.”  I explained that at a State level the opposite was true – in fact we were years behind the private sector at the time.  I was publicly abused for my challenge to his firmly held belief (which, while no longer true, was true in the 1960s and early 1970s).  His abuse was so memorable that I was stopped in the street 10 years later by a participant from another State who recalled the “abuse”.

      I also learnt again painfully that people in authority can protect their beliefs by covert aggression as well as overt aggression   When I was an academic, I was introducing action learning into my university and using it as a basis for my PhD research.  My Dean opposed my endeavours by trying to prevent my appointment as a tenured academic as well as my overseas travel for a World Congress on action learning in Colombia (I was a member of the international organising committee).  He eventually prevented my promotion to a Senior Lecturer – in the feedback afterwards, telling me that “you had the best application [because of my experience and rating as a teacher], but you are using a non-mainstream approach in your PhD research”.  Action learning promotes the view that we are all “personal scientists” building expertise through life experiences and reflection on our experiences – a position that conflicted with my Dean’s belief in the expert role of academics and the role of Universities as being the “repositories of all learning”.  In consequence, he used covert aggression to try to prevent my academic advancement.

      Shedding self-stories

      Negative self-stories can develop through the influence of our parents, teachers, peers or colleagues.  These self-stories can shape our beliefs about ourself and our worth and influence our behaviours in the face of difficulties and life’s challenges.  Negative self-stories can arise through traumatic experiences and are often at a sub-conscious level.  Self-beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” can arise from behavioural messages of parents (e.g. through neglect, constant criticism, or extended absences).  The “need to please disease” as a hidden motivator can also arise from a belief that “I’m not lovable” and “I have to be nice to be liked and not rejected”.

      It is difficult to overcome adverse childhood experiences that are often behind negative self-beliefs.  Tara Brach suggests that mindfulness practices (such as mantra meditation, writing and reflective conversations) can help us to loosen false beliefs about ourselves.  She offers a process for investigating and challenging false beliefs about ourself.   She argues that as we grow in mindfulness we can develop the self-awareness necessary to enable us to identify our habituated behaviour and to name and challenge our false beliefs.  In the process, we can loosen the hold of our false self-beliefs, restore our energy and engage more positively and creatively in everyday life.

      Surrendering to the process of shedding

      Participants in our recent Creative Meetup discussed the difficulty of letting go of old beliefs.  They suggested that the process takes time, patience and self-compassion.  They discussed the movement from the pain of shedding to the realisation of potential.  They suggested that the process of taking on new beliefs is uncomfortable, moving from the known to the unknown. 

      The rewards of surrendering to the process of shedding beliefs were valued and highlighted.  They talked about “a new way of seeing”, removal of blinkers, experiencing release and empowerment, and accessing a “deeper self” and a “a new way of being”.  The challenge of surrender is real, but the rewards are great.

      Tara Brach, with Jack Kornfield and colleagues, offers an online course, Power of Awareness, that is designed to help us “break free from negative thoughts” to realise balance, peace and joy.  They offer a mindful approach to achieving a quiet mind by bringing awareness and self-compassion to our “inner dialogue”.   I have undertaken this course and found it highly beneficial.

      Reflection

      Lulu & Mischka in their mantra meditation, Metamorphosis, capture the essence of surrendering to the process of shedding.  They encourage us to “keep letting go”, “trust in the process”, relax into the present and “stop resisting”.  If we can do this through mindfulness practices such as reflection and mantra meditations we can achieve healing and a metamorphosis that will enable us to spread our wings and fly higher.  This exhortation resonates with Sharon Salzberg’s encouragement to move from constraint to freedom, from narrowness to connection. from limitation to openness.  I have expressed these insights in the following poem:

      Surrender to Shedding

      There comes a time in our life when we have to shed old beliefs.
      Slough off our limiting self-beliefs,
      Remove constraints on our thinking,
      Break down the barriers of our defence mechanisms,
      Let go and stop resisting,
      Surrender to the process of casting aside what no longer works for us.

      The shedding process is painful.
      Discomfort with the new,
      Feeling lost,
      Leaving behind the known,
      Moving to uncertainty,
      Open to anxiety.

      The rewards of shedding are great.
      Releasing from constraints and limitations,
      Achieving a new sense of freedom,
      Moving from pain to possibility,
      Discovering a new creative self,
      Flowing like a river, rediscovering “Flow”.

      _____________________________

      Image by Jonathan from Pixabay

      By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

      Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

      Finding Strength in Vulnerability

      Kylie Orr in her novel, The Eleventh Floor, has her lead character, Gracie, comment after experiencing the impact of deceit in a relationship, “I was committed to loving up close, to being open, vulnerable”.  While Gracie acknowledged that “there is danger in that”, she was willing to take the risk inherent in vulnerability because “a life held together by lies fell apart so easily”.   Being vulnerable exposes us to the possibility of being harmed by someone else emotionally, intellectually or physically – it   involves showing our true self with our emotional weaknesses, character faults and physical defects.

      Vulnerability, however, is a source of strength.  It underpins perseverance and resilience, facilitates sustainable relationships, enriches our contribution to community, and enables the writing of an entertaining and enlightening memoir.  To access the strength in vulnerability we have to face up to being vulnerable – we need to name our feelings (e.g., fear of rejection) so that we can tame them.

      Perseverance and resilience

      Contrary to the Alpha Male depiction of power, dominance and the trappings of success, Lance Alfred (legally deaf NBA player) contends that perseverance and resilience in the face of adversity require a totally different orientation.  He maintains that there is real strength in vulnerability – owning up to our feelings, being authentic, having self-awareness and self-intimacy (acknowledging our own thoughts, actions and consequences), forgiving others, moving beyond other people’s expectations to be our true self, accepting our inadequacies and mistakes and overcoming the fear of failure.  

      When we fear failure we can be trapped by inertia – unable to move forward beyond the current challenge.  In her novel The Brightest Star, Gail Tsukiyama describes a time when Chinese-American actress, Anna May Wong, was making her stage debut In The Circle of Chalk and was terrified that her speaking voice and singing were not up to the expected standard (after spending so much time acting in silent movies).  The critics were having a field day about her voice but she acknowledged this weakness and “went on the offensive”, hiring a voice coach.  Despite the criticisms of the critics, the show had a “successful run”.  

      Sustainable intimate relationships

      We can hide our fear of being vulnerable in a relationship in multiple ways including excessive criticism of the other person, aggression (anger), withdrawal (silent treatment), overcontrolling or projecting our own weaknesses or fears onto the other person.  These defence mechanisms only serve to push the other person away, to wound them and disable them.  While they provide protection for our ego and self-concept, they create a barrier to a sustainable intimate relationship.

      Tara Brach provides a meditation which enables us to explore the ways that we create separation or distance in a relationship by resorting to defence mechanisms to ward off vulnerability.  In the meditation, we are asked how we are impacting our relationships(s) by avoiding vulnerability.  The challenging questions relate to self-protection, projection, judging, withholding, distrusting or engaging in “superior conceit”.  Tara points out the power of being vulnerable (overcoming our natural defence mechanisms) in terms of building closeness and sustainable relationships. 

      Enriching our contribution to community

      Tara tells a number of stories where being vulnerable led to someone else finding strength to manage a disturbing or embarrassing circumstance.  One of the features of the Creative Meetups hosted by The Health Story Collaborative is the vulnerability shared by participants in the monthly, online meetings.  Participants are people experiencing chronic illness or disability or are in a caring role.  They willingly share their pain, difficulties in coping, inability to think clearly, physical weaknesses, anxiety or depression or lack of energy. 

      The level of openness and trust enables individuals to express their vulnerability without fear of being taken advantage of, or being consciously harmed by anyone else present.  Vulnerability, enhanced by the culture of sharing and collaboration, builds closeness and healing.  There is the implicit recognition that being vulnerable is integral to the human condition.

      Developing a memorable memoir

      In the Art of Memoir, Mary Karr, stresses the need for authenticity – revealing our real self, not the projected self or the deemed “virtuous self”.  She highlights the importance of being vulnerable rather than self-protective.  She sees the memoir as a personal unfolding that is sometimes painful – an honest exploration of our “inner landscape”, not just a recording of external events.  Mary suggests that as we are developing our draft memoir with recalled stories “what burbles up onto the page is what is exclusively yours, both as a writer and a human being”.  She maintains that we have to trust the power of truth enough to “keep unveiling yourself”, despite the shame in the revelations, and, in the process, the memoir will structure itself and you will show up ”warts and all” – leaving a memorable impression that highlights your contribution to relationships and community.

      Reflection

      Being vulnerable is difficult as self-protection is our natural fall-back position.  As we grow in mindfulness through writing, reflection and meditation, we can begin to draw back the veil that hides our imperfections and inadequacies.  With the inherent growth in self-awareness and self-intimacy, we can become more real and more invested in telling the truth about ourselves. This is a progressive inner journey – a slow unveiling of our true inner self.   By letting go of shame and expectations (our own and that of others), we can develop authentic connections, friendships and intimate relationships.

      I wrote the following poem as a reflection on the negative impact of defensiveness on relationships and the power of vulnerability to create intimacy by removing our constructed barriers.

      Sustaining a Relationship

      Deceit destroys a relationship.
      Closeness is beyond us, as we retreat behind the wall.
      Facing up to who we are can be painful.

      Without vulnerability, our relationships are shallow.
      We hide behind our self-projected mask.
      We engage our defence mechanisms.
      We fence off our inner landscape.

      Sustainability lies in vulnerability.
      Openness to ourselves and others.
      No longer the frightened child.
      Now exposed to risk and reward.
      Intimacy is in our hands, if we reveal who we truly are.

      ___________________________________________

      Image by John Hain from Pixabay

      By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

      Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

      Creative Meetups: Action Learning for Health and Healing

      Creative Meetups are provided by the Health Story Collaborative (HSC) to enable participants to reflect, connect and gain support from other people who are also living with chronic illness or disability or are carers.  The free Meetups, currently facilitated by Jennifer Harris on the Zoom platform, provide a stimulus for writing “to access and release emotions, personal stories and creative spirits”.  They form an avenue for healing through the mechanism of narrative therapy.

      Alice Morgan, author of What Is Narrative Therapy?, maintains that narrative therapy can take many forms.  For instance, she suggests that it can involve “particular ways of talking with people about their lives and the problems they are experiencing”.  In essence, it involves people sharing their stories orally and/or in writing to gain insight into the meanings they ascribe to events, experiences and current situations (such as a physical or mental health condition).  Jodi Clarke points out that we carry multiple self-stories including those related to “self-esteem, abilities, relationships and work.”  She maintains that the process of “putting your narrative together” (however, this is created) enables an individual “to find their voice” as they explore  their life experiences and the meanings they attribute to them.

      What is action learning?

      Action learning can be described in simple terms as a cycle – planning, taking action and reflecting on the outcomes (intended and unintended).  It is used worldwide in public, private and not-for profit organisations and communities to create positive change and empower people to be the best they can be.  It can be undertaken by an individual by themselves (as I have done with my tennis playing over the years) or, more often, as part of a group or “action learning set”.

      Creative Meetups and Action Learning

      Creative Meetups and action learning have a core assumption in common.  Alice Morgan expressed this well when she maintained that narrative therapy assumes that “people have many skills, competencies, beliefs, values, commitments and abilities” to resolve their own challenging situations – an assumption that underpins the process of Creative Meetups.  This is also a fundamental assumption of action learning (AL).  

      Reg Revans, the “Father of Action Learning”, charged with improving the mining industry in the UK, got mining managers together to solve their “here and now problems” in the mines.    He also got nurses in Intensive Care Units together to work on their challenging situations.  In an action learning context, participants are often described as “personal scientists”.  Some academics in universities, tied to the concept of universities as the sole repository of “expert knowledge”, had great difficulty accepting this core assumption and would actively oppose the uptake of action learning – it challenged their firmly held beliefs about knowledge creation and dissemination.

      Creative Meetups and action learning have a number of other elements in common and, in the final analysis, both seek to create positive change in a situation (either individual or collective).  Some of the shared elements are as follows:

      1. Peer support – a fundamental principle is to treat each other as peers – with no acknowledged hierarchical difference.  There is a recognition that we are “all in the same boat” – each facing challenging situations.  Reg described this element as “comrades in adversity”; more recently, people have termed it “comrades in opportunity”.  In essence, it involves providing mutual support irrespective of our work role, status, social position or experience level.
      2. Collaboration – participants work together towards a common goal (e.g. health and healing or team improvement) and willingly share stores, resources, and insights for mutual benefit.  People are unstinting in their sharing – often recommending or loaning books, highlighting helpful websites or identifying relevant expert people.
      3. Don’t know mind – participants adopt a “don’t know mind”, not presuming to know and understand another person’s situation.  Reg suggests that if you think you understand something fully, you are not only going to get yourself into trouble but other people as well.   Adopting a don’t know mind – not jumping to conclusions or interrupting another’s story with your own (erroneously assuming they are same or similar) – enables a person to tell their story in an unfettered way, opening up the path to healing and recovery. 
      4. Honesty – the conscious exploration of what it means to be honest with oneself (owning up) and with others.  This opens the way for improvement and change.  The process of writing in Creative Meetups helps participants to identify false self-stories and unearth truer and richer stories that open up new avenues for their lives and their relationships. Action learning, too, enables the development of honesty.  Reg, for example, recounts an action learning program involving industrial executives in Belgium who, after 18 months of action learning, identified “What is an honest man and what do I need to become one?” (they were all men) as the most significant question they wished they had asked at the start of the program.  He maintained that the pathway to learning and change involves “admitting what you do not know”.  Reg also maintained that if you are going to do “something significant about something imperative”, you will come up against how you define yourself and your role.
      5. Reflection – reflection is assisted by writing and sharing.  The more we reflect, the more it becomes a way of life.  Frequent reflection-on-action can result in the ability to reflect-in-action.  Reg suggests that reflection is best done in a group because when we reflect alone we can tend to reinforce our existing assumptions and maintain our blindspots.  He argues for diversity in the reflective group – diversity of culture, nationality, profession and orientation (business/not-for-profit/community).  The Creative Meetups provide a rich diversity in terms of location (participants are from different countries and cultures) and health/caring situation.   Participants can gain insight gratuitously when others share their reflections from their different perspectives.
      6. Questioning – the willingness and ability to ask “fresh question” to open upinsight into a challenging situation.  Reg describes this as “questioning insight”.  This approach involves “supportive challenge” – challenging assumptions to enable a person to be the best they can be.  Alice Morgan highlights the role of questioning in narrative therapy because we can often develop negative self-stories.  Both action learning and Creative Meetups (narrative therapy) cultivate curiosity.
      7. Action taking – action learning involves learning through action undertaken with others where possible.  Creative Meetups promote writing as taking action to become open to  the healing power of storytelling.   The writing can take any form, e.g. prose, poetry, dot points.  Action is also reflected in the changes in behaviour undertaken by participants as a result of insights gained through writing and sharing.
      8. Facilitation – to design and manage the process of sharing.  In Creative Meetups, the facilitator provides stimulus material (e.g., a story, music or poem) to enable participants to write and share.  In action learning, the facilitator guides the process of planning, acting, reflecting and sharing.  In both situations, the facilitator is not a teacher.  Their role is to create an environment that promotes safety, trust, openness and sharing – their metaprocess goal is to develop a learning community.   

      Creative Meetups, in promoting writing and reflection, are helping participants to grow in mindfulness which is described by MARC (UCLA) as “paying attention to present moment experiences with openness, curiosity and a willingness to be with what is”.   Both action learning and mindfulness contribute to positive mental health because they increase self-awareness and heighten a sense of agency (belief in the capacity to have some control over our inner and outer environment).  In cultivating mindfulness, both approaches help people to develop resilience, compassion and creativity. 

      Reflection

      I initially joined the Meetups with a view to writing my stories in prose but have found that the stimulus provided by the discussions and my recent reading of Kim Rosen’s book,  Saved by a Poem: The Transformative Power of Words, has led me to write several poems about my health story and the process of the Meetups.  Kim’s identification of the transformative elements of a poem continues to provide a pathway for my poetic expression.   I used her elements to analyse a poem I had written called For the Love of Tennis that enabled me to express my gratitude for being able to continue to play tennis despite a diagnosis of “multiple-level spinal degeneration”.

      Following a recent Meetup, I unearthed my feelings about my chronic condition of food sensitivity/allergy resulting from Long Covid-induced Mast Cell Activation Syndrome.   I was surprised about the intensity of my feelings of frustration and alienation that I had not previously given voice to.   The poem, The Inflammatory Thread in My Life, provided a creative outlet and release for emotions I had kept “under wraps” and not expressed to anyone, including myself.

      In a previous post, I shared a poem, Compassionate Listening, that I wrote following a Creative Meetup where the stimulus input included an excerpt from Joni Mitchell’s performance of Both Sides Now at the 2024 Grammy Awards.  To me the poem reflects the stance of participants of the Creative Meetup in being able to engage in deep listening, provide active support of the storyteller and reflect back not only the feelings expressed but also the intensity of those feelings. 

      Compassionate listening strongly reflects the ethos of HSC where Healing Story Principals (such as Micheal Bischoff) sought to support people “to tell and listen to stories in ways that are healing, connected and empowering”.  The support and connection underpinning Creative Meetups and action learning promote health and healing.

      Reflecting on the process of Creative Meetups and my long-standing experience with action learning in multiple contexts, I was inspired to write the following poem:

      Where is “There”?

      When you share your innermost secrets

      and I say, “I’ve been there!”,

      where is “there”?

      It’s not where you have been

      with your unique experience and perception.

      I’m not inside you looking out,

      I’m outside you looking in.

      It’s like the glimpse of the Bay

      that I get from my back deck.

      It’s not the Bay!

      It’s only a tiny window

      on a complex ecosystem.

      ____________________________________________

      Image by Xavier Lavin Pino from Pixabay

      By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

      Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

      How to Develop Positive Beliefs About Aging

      Previously, I discussed the pervasive impact of negative beliefs about aging and the life-enhancing benefits of positive age beliefs.   In those posts, I drew on the mind-opening research of Professor Becca Levy, author of Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Will determine How Long and How Well You Live.  In her book, Becca not only explores the potential negative or positive impacts of our beliefs about aging, she also  offers multiple ways to develop a positive mindset that will enable us to live longer and with a better quality of life.  She provides numerous examples of people in different fields who have achieved incredible things in their old age.  Becca stresses the need for each of us to be proactive in building positive beliefs about aging to counteract the influence of ageism which is with us from the time we hear our earliest fairy tales until we experience palliative care

      The ABC approach to developing positive beliefs about aging

      In her book, Becca introduces the ABC Method to liberate us from the socially-derived negative beliefs about aging and free our minds to realise the potential inherent in aging.  Her ABC method incorporates three core elements – awareness, blame and challenge:

      A – Awareness

      Becca suggests that developing positive age beliefs begins with ourselves, increasing our awareness of our own thoughts and the way this impacts our words and actions.  We can increasingly become conscious of how we speak to people in different age groups – how we positively recognise “age diversity” (rather  than perpetuating “age blindness”).  She recalls that on one occasion, she found herself talking in a childlike manner to older people (“elderspeak”) and immediately pulled herself up and changed the way she spoke to these people.  Her newly  adopted adult-to-adult communication was respectful of the wisdom and experience of the people she was addressing. This is an example of reflection-in-action, a skill we can develop by practising reflection on our actions as a habitual approach. 

      Our awareness can develop by building a “portfolio of positive images of aging”.  We can do this by reading newspaper reports and articles about people who have excelled in various fields of endeavour.  Another rich source of positive age images is memoirs written by people who describe their accomplishments in old age despite early childhood setbacks, including traumatic experiences.  An incredible exemplar of this approach to developing positive beliefs is Maya Angelou.  She not only broke new ground in writing memoirs but wrote her seventh memoir, Mom and Me and Mom, in her eighties.  Her accomplishments in many fields such as  poetry, writing, acting, film, singing and activism are memorialised in a website in her name.  Becca cautions us, though, to avoid trying to model ourselves on a single, exceptional older person – she argues that a more attainable goal is to strengthen qualities in ourselves that “older role models” exhibit (such as Maya’s work ethic).

      We only have to look around us for positive models of aging amongst our friends, relatives, colleagues, our medical carers and other professionals.  This involves developing relationships with, and paying attention to, people who have aged and yet who continue to contribute positively to their career arena, the local community or society generally.  We can also seek the company of elders.  Nadine Cohen, author of the exquisite, debut novel, Everyone and Everything, actively seeks people of her mother’s and grandparents’ age and finds that she is “usually richer emotionally” because of their counsel and wisdom.  

      B – Blame

      Becca argues that we should put the blame where it truly belongs – not our biology but the ageism that surrounds us in every facet of our life.  This involves consciously developing awareness of our social environment in our everyday life.  It means being able to identify “negative age stereotypes” perpetuated in education, the arts, medical professions, and in daily conversations with friends, colleagues and family members.

      As we develop this external awareness, we can begin to identify the “upstream causes” impacting the health and wellness of the aged. Becca maintains that “age beliefs are an upstream predictor of health and well-being”.  She contends that if we actively develop positive age beliefs we can change our health habits.  This approach is in line with the research that shows that to create new behaviours, we need to challenge the assumptions that underlie old behaviours – it is not enough to practise new behaviours if we want sustainable change.

      C- Challenge

      Becca recommends challenging ageism in whatever form it takes.  She points out the example of antiageism activist, Ashton Applewhite, author of This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism, and the blog Yo, Is This Ageist?   Ashton is actively and publicly challenging the hidden negative beliefs as they are reflected in newspaper articles, headlines, advertisements, and elsewhere and educating readers by responding to their questions about ageism.  She also has a YouTube channel incorporating her Talk at Google and other presentations addressing ageism.   In her Ted Talk, Let’s End Ageism, she points out that ageism is “a prejudice that pits us against our future selves – and each other”.

      While people like Ashton and celebrities such as Madonna and Robert De Niro are speaking out publicly against ageism, Becca contends that we can help to overcome ageism in society if we “call it out” when we encounter any form of ageist remark in the relationship circles in which we move,  Becca recounts her discussion over coffee with Irene Trenholme who at 99 years of age ran the Secondhand Prose bookstore which donated all it profits to the local St. Johnsbury library.  Irene proved to be an exemplar for challenging ageism.  Whenever she encountered an ageist remark or action, she would firmly indicate that this was inappropriate, including challenging her doctor who spoke too loudly to her (assuming that, because of her age, she was “hard of hearing”).

      Becca challenges many myths that surround aging and encourages us to take up the task of questioning firmly-held beliefs that have no scientific foundation.  She provides an Appendix in her book which she describes as “ammunition to debunk negative age stereotypes”.  She lists common negative age stereotypes and offers facts (proven by research) that can be used to debunk these stereotypes, including “cognition inevitably declines in old age” and “older persons are technologically challenged”.  In relation to the latter myth, Becca points out that Mildred Dresselhaus innovated the field of nanotechnology in her seventies.

      Underlying the assumption that older people are technologically challenged is a foundational ageist myth that I call the “blank slate myth”.   People often assume that those who are older lack any related knowledge, skill or experience in a particular area, e.g. technology.  They forget that the technology they enjoy today was pioneered and developed commercially (long before some were born) by people who are now in their later years.  I am now 77 years of age (2024), but I have a long history of involvement in the development and application of technology in education and the workplace in the 1970’s, 1980’s, 1990’s and early 2000’s:

      • National Project Team – the design and implementation of the first online, national, accounting and management information system in the Australian Taxation Office (1973 -1977);
      • National Project Team – the introduction of word processing and personal computers in the Australian Taxation Office;
      • Role of Director, Computer Operations, Australian Taxation Office, Queensland and the Northern Territory;
      • Sensitive National projects associated with physical computer security and deterrence and detection of computer fraud;
      • Role of National Change Manager for the implementation of online learning and teaching in the Technical and Further Education Institutes across Australia (2000-2004);
      • Role of a Leader in Squidoo – a social media platform developed by Seth Godin (2007-2014);
      • Creator of a 6-month, online Social Media Marketing Course – 24 weekly PDF’s (2010);
      • Creator of e-books on internet marketing, social media marketing and Squidoo marketing strategies (2009-2012);
      • Creator of blogs on affiliate marketing (2005-2012) and small business marketing (2011-2012);
      • Co-Creator with colleagues in Germany and America of the article-based, social media platform, Wizzley.com (2011);
      • Sole author of my current Grow Mindfulness blog (2016 – present; 745 posts).

      I spend very little time on social media platforms these days, not because I’m “technologically challenged” but because I have other priorities.  My priorities at the moment are to write my mindfulness blog (1,000 word post per week); co-author a book on “managing people”; and write a memoir.

      The “blank slate myth” not only applies to technology but also many other areas of endeavour.  I found that it applies even in social activities.  I still play social tennis in my late seventies and I am often confronted with the manifestation of this myth in our social tennis games.  For example, I recently played with a younger partner who shouted out to me not to hit a shot that was clearly going out (by at least 2 metres), assuming that, through lack of experience (or loss of memory/faculties), I had not been able to judge that the ball would be out.  Having played more than 10,000 sets of tennis (including competitive tennis at an A-Grade level) over more than 60 years, I have a fairly advanced awareness of what shots are going to go out – it’s embedded in my body memory.  I can, for instance, when lobbed by an opposition tennis player, chase down the tennis ball and hit it back over my head and land it in the court (the secret is to face parallel to the back fence of the court so your body knows where it is in relation to the court outline).   To me, the “blank slate myth” defies logic and denies the richness of skills, intuition, insight and reflexes developed over many years.

      Reflection

      In thinking about the impact of negative and positive age beliefs, I became very conscious that, despite social conditioning, what we believe about aging is up to us – and our beliefs determine our actions. I incorporated this reflection in the following poem that I wrote recently;

      The Choices You Make About Aging

      If you are positive, you open up your potential –

      life’s joys and pleasures are yours to gain.

      If you look, you will see what is possible –

      aging models of achievement are everywhere.

      If you challenge the myths, your mind is freed,

      you can pursue your goals without constraint.

      If you remember what you have achieved

      you can draw on your sense of agency.

      If you exercise your mind and body

      you can restore your acuity and strength.

      As you grow in mindfulness

      through reading, research and reflection,

      you can become more self-aware

      and free of stereotypes, assumptions and insipidness.

      What you believe about aging

      influences the choices you make.

      ____________________________________________

      Image by GreenCardShow from Pixabay

      By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

      Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.