Tag: story

Managing A Flare-Up from Fish Poisoning

Flare-ups are a common occurrence with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) – triggers (such as food or chemical intolerance) can exacerbate existing symptoms of immune hyperactivity or be a catalyst for new symptoms to occur.  Managing these flare-ups is a constant challenge for someone like me who has MCAS, as their occurrence is often unpredictable and, sometimes, confounding.

Creating a story from a single object or event

At our October Creative Meetup, an online group for writers-with-chronic-illness, we were introduced to the idea of writing a story from an object.  Our facilitator, Jennifer Crystal, showed a video of Billy Collins reading his poem, Lanyard, as an example of how this is done.

The idea of focusing on an event or object is also illustrated by Melissa Febos in her book, The Dry Season, a memoir about her conscious choice of twelve months of celibacy after a tempestuous time of cyclical relationships that proved to be harmful to her health and self-esteem.  In particular, she focused on her “maelstrom”, a two-year toxic relationship with another woman that proved to be controlling and destructive and was the catalyst for her chosen period of celibacy. 

Throughout her memoir, Melissa revisits this event (story object) to highlight its impact and to serve as a benchmark against which to evaluate other potential relationships.  Her period of celibacy was designed to provide sufficient distance from the maelstrom to facilitate self-insight, overcome her fear, find herself again (having suffered from “the-need-to-please”) and to achieve peace with her experience of the maelstrom.

Creating my story of a recent flare-up

At our Creative Meetup, we were encouraged to write our own story using one or both of the following prompts:

  1. Make a list of five prompts you associate with your story. Pick one and write about it (poetry or prose) OR
  2. Write something (poetry or prose) that includes all five objects.

I chose to address the second prompt and drafted a poem around the five objects I identified that were associated with my recent flare-up:

fish, hives, rash, poisoning, pain

The poem that I have included at the end of this post is the outcome of my writing and reflection as well as the group sharing and discussion that occurred during the Meetup session.  Participants shared their writing and their vulnerability in stunning prose and poetry (given they had only 20 minutes to write their story). 

A flare-up from fish poisoning

My story began with having Red Emperor, a wild-caught fish, for dinner. I am allergic to soy so I avoid farmed fish that are typically fed on soy products.  I thought it would be safe to eat the Red Emperor as it is not farmed but wild caught in deep waters such as those off the coast in Northern Australia.

What I experienced, however, is an immediate reaction to the Red Emperor (unlike previously where I had eaten it without negative consequences).  My body reacted strongly this time – resulting in a bright red rash on both upper arms, accompanied by itchy hives and a burning sensation on my affected skin as well as night sweating and headache. 

This led me to do personal research on “fish allergy”.  What I established is that there are two major forms of fish poisoning:

  • ciguatera poisoning
  • scombroid, also known as histamine poisoning.

My first thought was that I had experienced histamine poisoning given histamine intolerance stemming from my MCAS chronic illness.  However, on further research, I established that the reaction is more likely to be caused by ciguatera poisoning.  The symptoms of each form of fish poisoning are similar but the causes differ substantially; a distinctive symptom of ciguatera poisoning is “extreme itchiness” which was my experience. 

Histamine poisoning is caused by bacteria developing on dead fish that have been stored ineffectively (e.g. not deep frozen or stored on ice).  Ciguatera poisoning, in contrast, results from the food chain which commences with small fish eating marine toxin produced by algae in reefs and being consumed by larger reef fish which are then consumed by humans.

Ciguatera poisoning is more common in fish that live in warm waters and “spend some or most of their time in reefs”.  Red Emperor is explicitly implicated in carrying this form of fish poisoning.  Freezing, cooking or cleaning do not destroy the ciguatera toxins.  The presence of ciguatera toxins are not visually detectable, nor can allergy to the toxin be detected by allergy testing.  

Recovery from ciguatera poisoning

A disturbing fact is that ciguatera poisoning symptoms can recur without further exposure to a poisoning source.  The likelihood of symptom recurrence is increased by drinking alcohol.   Recommendations for recovery include avoiding fish for at least 6 months and abstaining from alcohol for 3 months after eating the toxic fish.

A detailed article on ciguatera poisoning in the National Library of Medicine maintains that relapses in symptoms “may be triggered by consuming alcohol, nuts, seeds, fish, chicken, and eggs”.  The authors advise that “patients should be counselled to avoid fish, caffeine, alcohol, and nuts within 6 months of poisoning”.

The itch and burning sensation from ciguatera poisoning made it difficult to sleep despite the use of Dexeryl – “an emollient cream that reduces irritation, itching and scratching”.  Eventually, I had to resort to using Eleuphrat, a type of Cortisone cream, to reduce the itch and pain and enable me to sleep.

I have had a series of flare-ups since the initial contamination after eating Red Emperor.  The first was following a glass of wine; the second after eating a salmon and avocado sushi roll.  Others involve accidental consumption of egg or chicken.  Research has shown that farmed salmon, typically used in sushi, can lead to ciguatera poisoning because of toxins in the fish food. 

One of the problems associated with fish poisoning is that you can tolerate a particular type of fish at one point and yet at a later time react severely to eating it, sometimes with fatal consequences.  For example, a newspaper report recounted the case of a father-to-be who collapsed after eating barramundi at a restaurant and died five days later in hospital.  He had experienced tingling in his mouth a few years before when eating barramundi.  A Victorian health website identifies barramundi as one of the more common causes of fish allergy.

Reflection

It is easy to jump to a conclusion re the cause of symptoms without undertaking the necessary research and/or seeking medical advice.  The problem of accurate diagnosis of symptoms is compounded by cross-contamination and the commonality of symptoms (e.g. hives and rash) among various food allergies. 

For example, consumption of coffee can cause a rash and itchy hives resulting from histamine poisoning caused by impurities in coffee such as  “molds, mycotoxins, pesticide residues, yeasts, and other biogenic amines”.  Purity Coffee seeks to provide quality coffee beans and a coffee process to avoid these issues and enable people with MCAS and histamine intolerance to have their regular coffee.

We can be more mindful of the factors influencing our symptoms if we take time to research and reflect on our findings and related experiences.  As we grow in mindfulness, we can become more self-aware and conscious of what is impacting our body and develop creative ways of achieving recovery from ill-health.

I developed the following poem In reflecting on my experience with ciguatera poisoning:

The Flare-Up

Flaring up like a campfire flame,
fighting feverishly a toxic invader.

Redness spreading across swollen ridges,
a painful path of itch and burning sensations.

Awash in a sea of marine toxins,
overwhelmed by a challenged immune system.

Elimination diet a testing time,
complex interactions of food and drink.

Seeking answers through research and inquiry,
wild caught fish traced as the trigger.

Unanswered questions,
uncertain future,
unpredictable outcomes.

Where is my anchor?

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This post is provided for information purposes only and is not intended to replace personal medical advice provided by a trained medical practitioner.  Please seek advice from a qualified professional before deciding on treatments for yourself or other members of your family.  This article reflects my personal patient experience – MCAS and related diseases affect each individual differently.  I frequently share my research findings with my medical practitioner and this informs my treatment.

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Image by Thomas from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield- Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution-Non-Commercial -No Derivatives.

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

The Demeaning Power of Coercive Control

During the recent 2023 Mental Health Super Summit Dr. Richard Hill explained the concept of “coercive control”, how it manifests and its devastating effects on children and adults.  This is a form of insidious, creeping control over another by a perpetrator (usually a parent or partner) that Richard describes as “a slow whittle”.  He drew on the definition of Dr. Emma Katz, a world authority in the area, to explain that coercive control involves the progressive “controlling of somebody else’s whole life”.   It takes away their normal autonomy and sense of freedom.  The control that is exercised is “wide-ranging and persistent”.  If the controlled person resists or refuses to conform they are punished.  The net result is that the controlled person lives a constrained way of life to avoid punishment.  

In her book, Coercive Control in Children’s and Mother’s Lives, Emma explains that children and adult survivors even after they are able to break free from the perpetrator must engage in a “sustained battle for safety and recovery”.  Through her research with many victims-survivors, she has become convinced that support and “professional Interventions” are needed to facilitate healing and recovery.

Richard explained that the perpetrator of coercive control keeps the controlled person “off balance”, continuously confuses them and progressively isolates them from others (in part, so that they can’t tell others what is happening to them).  He argues that the controlled person can begin to question their own sanity (because of “gaslighting”) and loses both self-esteem and self-determination.  Even when they are able to flee, they may fear for their safety because of stalking by the perpetrator who may continue to engage in “post-separation abuse”.

Even seeking assistance from the law is fraught with risk and difficulty for victims-survivors of perpetrators of coercive control.  In her book, Women, Intimate Partner Violence and the Law, Heather Douglas (drawing on case studies) explains that perpetrators often use the law against their victims, and that victims-survivors require very high levels of “endurance, tenacity and patience” to obtain help and protection through the law.  She highlights “the failure of the legal system to provide safety for women and children” on many occasions.

Jess Hill, Richard’s daughter, in her well-researched book, See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control and Domestic Violence, supports the view that “abuse is often reinforced by the justice system they trust to protect them” as victims-of domestic violence.  She suggests that instead of questioning why a woman didn’t leave her abusive partner, we should be asking, “Why did he do it?”. She offers ways forward to reduce the abuse and fear resulting from domestic violence that is so prevalent in Australian homes.

Jelena Dokic’s experience – a classic example of coercive control by a parent

In a previous post, I spoke of the physical abuse suffered by Jelena Dokic at the hands of her father, Damir Dokic.  Jelena, in her second memoir, Fearless: Finding the Power to Survive, also details what amounts to coercive control by her father – “wide-ranging and persistent control”.  Her father used physical punishment to control her behaviour (e.g. punishing her for not winning).  He restricted her access to people and attempted to isolate her.  He continuously called her demeaning names such as “cow” and “whore” and took control of her money, demanding she sign over her winnings and savings.  Her father also took all her trophies and sold them.  On one occasion, he publicly smashed a crystal runners-up trophy because Jelena did not win the tennis competition.

Jelena escaped from her family in 2002 (aged 19 years).  Despite this break away, she suffered post-separation abuse of her freedom. She was effectively stalked by her father and mother.  They would turn up unannounced at WTA events she was competing in and try to coax her to “return home”.  WTA security protected Jelena and refused entry to her father.  However, during the US Open in 2003, her mother turned up at her hotel and insisted that she sign over the family home in Florida to her father. 

In the previous post, I also described how Jelena was coached and supported by Australian tennis great Lesley Bowrey in her younger years, achieving outstanding success as a junior on the global stage.  Lesley believed in Jelena and what she could achieve and showed her respect and kindness – a stark contrast to the behaviour of her father.  However, eventually, her father insisted that she sack Lesley as her coach which shattered Jelena’s “happy world” and left her devastated. 

The continuous belittling, dismissing her achievements and pervasive control took its toll on Jelena’s mental health and she suffered from a loss of self-esteem and a feeling of “not being good enough”.  She felt trapped by her father despite being physically separated from him.  She experienced “thoughts of suicide” because she could see no way out of her traumatic situation (her “entrapment”).

Coercive Control of Jelena’s mother

Jelena and her mother, Ljiljana Dokic, were estranged because her daughter felt that her mother had failed to help and protect her against her father’s physical abuse and coercive control and the trauma she experienced.  However, in her Fearless memoir, Jelena explained that they had restored their relationship after she found it in herself to forgive her mother for her lack of protection.  She came to understand that her mother too suffered at the hands of her father.  She was also beaten into submission and suffered coercive control. 

Jelena’s father made all the key decisions impacting her mother.  He determined where they lived, controlled all the money (mainly Jelena’s winnings) and forced her to undertake unpleasant tasks against her will.  Jelena’s mother was forced to work to provide herself with some independent income. 

Reflection

In her memoir, Jelena acknowledged that she had not forgiven her father for his physical abuse and coercive control.  She had come to realise that her mother too was controlled by him and Jelena was able to find a level of forgiveness towards her mother following this realisation.

In an earlier post, I provided a reflection process for dealing with resentment and anger. It facilitates looking at what was happening for the other person in a conflict/abuse situation.  Among other things, it asks you to think about what was happening for the other person in terms of self-esteem and identity.  It also requires you to think about the pressures and stresses experienced by the other person, including their life experiences and familial influences.  As Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey suggest, an important question is, “What Happened to You?”.

By adopting the other person’s perspective, you are better able to be empathetic and find forgiveness.  Jelena was able to do this in relation to her mother, but not her father. Understanding and forgiveness may come with an appreciation of the influences that shaped her father’s life, including poverty and living in war-torn Croatia as a parent and partner, becoming a refugee in Australia and being beaten by his parents as a child.  Jelena’s hurt and pain at the hands (and mind) of her father are deep and will take a lifetime to heal.

As we grow in mindfulness, through reflection on our own life and significant formative events, we can appreciate the positive people and events in our life that helped to shape who we are and what we have achieved.  Jelena’s story, recorded in her memoirs, is a great source of inspiration for overcoming life’s challenges and appreciating what we do have.

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Image by Myléne from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

Dealing with the Inner Critic through Self-Compassion

Clare Bowditch – singer, storyteller and actor – recently released a biography titled, Your Own Kind of Girl.   In the book, which she had been attempting to write since she was 21, Clare discusses how she dealt with her inner critic which was all encompassing and destructive.  Clare writes that the book is “about the stories we tell ourselves, and what happens when we believe them”.  She lived in hope that someone would tell her that she was “more than” her grief, her failures and the negative stories about herself that she constantly carried in her head.  Clare explained that the title of the book is drawn from a song she wrote in 2008 and, to this day, she is immensely moved by the lyrics in the second verse, including the words, “You are fine, you’re more than enough”.  The book is about her painful journey to come to this realisation – a journey that is a common story for many people, particularly women.

The debilitating effects of the inner critic

In an earlier blog post, I spoke about the negative self-stories that we perpetuate, partly because our brain has a negative bias but also because of social pressures and the materialistic values that are propagated on an hourly basis through intrusive advertising and image making in videos and films.  Our self-stories can undermine our self-esteem, entrap us in a sense of helplessness and create a negative spiral leading to anxiety and depression.  These stories, often based on irrational fears, can become deeply ingrained and extremely difficult to shift.  They can blind us to creative options, block the realisation of our potential and harm our interpersonal relations.

Self-compassion to overcome the inner critic and negative self-stories

Tara Brach recently released a book titled Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and the World with the practice of R.A.I.N.  This meditation practice involves four basic steps – recognise, accept, investigate and nurture.  Tara provides a brief example of this process in a 9-minute, guided meditation, Reflection: Healing Self-Blame.   Below are some of the key points in this meditation that is based on the R.A.I.N. approach:

  • The starting point is to recognise some aspect of your life where your inner critic is active.  It does not have to be a major example of self-denigration – it could be some relatively minor self-critique, e.g. focusing on your failure sometimes to really listen to someone or diverting a conversation to establish your credentials.   The important thing is to have a focus for this meditation.  More complete self-awareness can grow out of recognising even a small aspect of the inner critic in our life – this can puncture a hole in the wall of self-protection that blocks our self-realisation. 
  • As we progress in the meditation, we come to a point of self-acceptance. This involves acknowledging what we say and do but also accepting that we have an innate goodness and that we are not defined by our thoughts – that we are “more than” our negative self-evaluation.  In Clare’s words, “You are fine, you’re more than enough”.
  • Our investigation of the impacts of our inner critic extends to recognising bodily sensations as well as feelings that flow from the inroads that negative self-stories make on our sense of self-worth.  We can experience tension in our muscles, pain (e.g. in our arms, neck and back), headaches or a nervous twitch when our inner critic is running rampant in our thoughts.  A body scan and progressive tension release can help here.  The key thing is to experience the impact of our negative self-story in a holistic way – this builds awareness and increases our understanding of the negative impacts of our inner critic.
  • Lastly, we reach the stage of self-nurturing in the meditation process.  This can be expressed physically by placing your hand on your heart or mentally through naming the self-criticism and countering with expression of self-forgiveness, acknowledgement of your positive contributions and achievements and gratitude for all that you have in life – opening yourself to what is good in you and what is wonderful in the world around you.

Reflection

Our inner critic is deeply entrenched and can be very damaging to our self personally, and to our relations, both at work and at home.  As we grow in mindfulness through meditation and especially the R.A.I.N. meditation, we can become more aware of our inner critic (negative self-stories), understand its impacts physically and mentally and develop strategies to counter its inroads into our sense of self-worth.  As both Clare and Tara point out, dealing with the inner critic can create a new sense of freedom and realisation of our true potential.

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Image by John Hain from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.