Tag: S.T.O.P. process

Paying Attention to the Spaces Between

Chris Willard provided a 12-Minute Meditation podcast on the 15 August this year on the theme, A Meditation to Notice What’s Present and What Isn’t.   He noted that spaces are everywhere if we look and by paying attention to the “spaces between” we can grow in awareness of what is around us as well as what is missing.   Focusing on the spaces between grounds us in the present, enables us to see the potentiality in spaces and heightens out powers of concentration.   Bringing our awareness to these spaces enriches our creativity and deepens our appreciation of the magnitude of our world, the beauty of nature and the uniqueness of the people who are around us.

Chris Willard has a Doctorate in Psychology focusing on neuroscience and positive psychology.  He is an author, practising psychologist and consultant, a trainer and faculty member of the Harvard Medical School.  He specialises in teaching mindfulness to adolescents and young adults.  Chris’ books are readily available on Bookshop.org and his online courses can be accessed on his website.  He is the co-author with Olivier Weisser of The In-Between Book – designed as an interactive resource for children to develop mindfulness.  Chris is also a public speaker and videos of his talks can be found on YouTube.

Guided mediation

Throughout the podcast, Chris guides us in a meditation process designed to increase our ability to pay attention to the “space between”, both internally and externally.  At the outset he suggests that, after adopting a comfortable position, we focus on our breathing.  This initial process involves concentrating not only on our in-breath and out-breath but also on the spaces between these – learning to rest in our breathing space between our inhale and exhale.

Spaces between objects in a room

As we progress with this meditation, Chris turns our attention to the spaces between objects in our room:

  • the shape of objects
  • the form of spaces between objects
  • the dimensions of those spaces
  • how frequently the spaces occur
  • the patterns of spaces – small, large, irregular
  • intentional or unintentional spaces
  • the sense of openness or closure
  • the visual impression of clarity or clutter.

Spaces between thoughts and emotions

Viktor Frankl reminds us that there is a space between a stimulus and our response and in that space lies our freedom – we can choose how we respond.  Chris encourages us to explore this inner space:

  • what emotion arises with a thought?
  • what events have given rise to the link between the thought and the emotion?
  • how often do we employ the S.T.O.P. process to create space before we respond?
  • are we carrying resentment and its attendant adverse behaviours?
  • does our inner landscape reflect a stance of “victim or freedom”?
  • do we have space within for creativity, alternative actions/responses and creating meaning in our lives?

Spaces in nature

Chris is very conscious of the natural world and the spaces within.  He encourages us to explore our external world by observing the spaces in nature:

  • between plants
  • between trees
  • between leaves
  • between gardens and lawns
  • between water and land
  • between clouds.

Associated with this noticing is paying attention to:

  • the shape and colours of clouds
  • the merging of colours in the sky – yellow into green, red into purple, light into dark
  • the changing shape and spaces on the horizon
  • the crowded space of a worm farm
  • the flight of birds and formations
  • the sounds of nature and the gaps between
  • the bird calls and delayed responses
  • the movement of the wind and the spaces it creates.

Spaces in our interactions with others

Everyday we are in interaction with people close to us, our colleagues, associates and strangers.  We can become more conscious of the spaces between us and others by noticing:

  • how our assumptions and stereotypes leave no room for sustained engagement
  • how we listen by creating space for others to talk
  • the pace of our thoughts leaving no gap for deep listening
  • the absence of spaces in our interactions to truly get to know someone, their life history and their feelings.

Reflection

We can extend our focus on the “spaces between” by reviewing our day:

  • have we created space for reflection and review?
  • have we taken the opportunity to pause?
  • has there been  time set aside for walking and/or exercise, adequate sleep and rest?
  • have we made time for a life review to protect our attention?

Our awareness of space can be shaped by cultural influences and environmental conditions.  Often, we need to experience another culture/country to appreciate how we view the “space between”.  Following a trip to France, I became so much more aware of my own spatial environment in Brisbane – the space between cars, buildings, people and cities, the openness compared to the “constriction”.

Shelley Davidow in her memoir, Whisperings in the Blood,  describes how her grandmother found the environmental shift from America to South Africa disarming – “At night, Africa closes in around the house and bathes it in its foreignness”.  Associated with this sense of restriction are the shrieks of nightbirds, grunting of hippos, and the “distant drumming and singing”.  Her grandmother was overcome by the open spaces and the loss of “signs of human habitation and civilisation” – the city comforts, landmarks and buildings of various sizes and shapes.

As we grow in mindfulness by paying attention to the “space between’, we can enrich our lives and interactions, enhance our awareness of possibilities, and make room for innovation and creativity.  Consciousness of space can improve both our mental and physical health – we can avoid being consumed by the busyness of our life and the endless negative pattern of our thoughts.

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Image by Albrecht Fietz from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Bringing Challenging Emotions to Awareness

Often our tendency with challenging emotions is to push them away or ignore them.  We may disown these thoughts and challenging emotions because we feel shame that we are experiencing intense anger, continuous resentment or persistent bitterness. Sometimes, if we entertain them and play the triggering situation over and over in our minds, these emotions take over our life, our reactions and interactions.  We may harbour resentment and continuously engage in harmful and unproductive thoughts, e.g. “Why me?”, “Wait till I get the chance to pay them back!” or “What have I done to deserve this?”  Our thoughts emerge from our inner hurt and overtake us.  

A guided meditation to bring challenging emotions to awareness

Tom Heah, accredited UCLA meditation teacher, provides a guided meditation podcast focused on Meeting Challenging Emotions with Awareness.  Tom maintains, like other meditation teachers, that it is important to allow these emotions, face them fully and own them, while treating ourselves with kindness and compassion.  

He suggests that we can grow in mindfulness and the capacity for a healthy response by meditating on a triggering situation and allowing the stimulated emotion to be with you.  He encourages you to feel the emotions in your body – sense its location, strength and size.  Tom recommends giving a label to your emotion – naming your feelings – so that you can better manage them.  He argues that being clear about how you really feel (not diminishing it or hiding its nature or intensity), will help you to respond appropriately rather than reactively.

As you open your “awareness to whatever feelings arise” such as loneliness, anger or frustration, you will experience bodily sensations such as tightness in the chest, pain in your arms/back or constriction of your breathing.  Tom maintains that it is important to allow these bodily sensations but support yourself with conscious breathing.  He suggests that you can think of breathing in self-kindness, love and caring and breathing out tension, pain and anxiety.   Your breath can be your emotions release valve.

Reflection

Tom’s process enables us to reflect on a past event that triggered challenging emotions.  However, if you are in the situation that is triggering your strong emotional response, you can adopt the S.T.O.P. process suggested by Tara Brach.  This process – stop, take a breath, observe, respond – enables you to pause before responding and assists you to regain control.

As we grow in mindfulness through meditation and reflection, we will be better able to manage our challenging emotions in-the-moment.  This self-regulation takes considerable self-awareness and heightened self-control, both of which can be developed over time.  Tom reminds us that emotions can have a “limited timespan” if we readily face them and their bodily manifestations and don’t brush them aside, ignore them or engage in endless negative thinking.

Tom offers a range of free guided meditation podcasts and paid training courses, including a course in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) for which he is highly qualified and experienced.

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Image by かねのり 三浦 from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution, Non-Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.