Ben Crowe, world leading mindset coach, has published his philosophy and perspective changing concepts in his book, Where The Light Gets In: Simple, playful and profound perspective shifts to change your life. Ben has worked with elite athletes such as Ash Barty and Andre Agassi as well as large corporations. While the principles espoused in his book are not new, what he does uniquely is to interlink the underlying concepts, highlight their interplay and illustrate them with stories of his experiences in working with clients to put them into practice. His book is illuminating – he even has a final chapter on “illumination” to summarise his principles.
Overcoming the pressure of expectations
Ben’s book is replete with wisdom and engaging stories that readers can readily relate to. He places special emphasis on the pressure generated by expectations – both our own and those of others (which we often assume to exist without any evidence). He counsels us to detach from expectations if we are to achieve freedom in our life. Besides recommending removal of the word “expectations” from our vocabulary, he offers three core strategies to achieve this detachment – replace expectations with (1) appreciation, (2) experimentation and (3) dedication.
- Ben argues that appreciation reflected in gratitude is a “potent perspective shifter”. Gratitude creates awareness about what we do have and what is possible – it opens up insight into possible creative, alternative solutions and is a powerful antidote to the corrosive influence of expectations. I have often expressed gratitude when playing sport, instead of focusing on the chronic illnesses that negatively impact my quality of life and impede the realisation of my full sporting capabilities.
- Ben encourages experimentation because when you experiment, “you are in the play state not the fear state”. We can build up expertise as we go. The process of experimentation enables us to fearlessly draw on prior knowledge and experience, even accessing experiences acquired in an entirely different arena. When I switched from playing tennis to pickleball, I made a conscious choice to experiment with new shots, drawing on knowledge and skills acquired through other racquet sports. So now I can use skills I have acquired over many years through playing tennis, squash, table tennis and badminton. I worked out recently that I can play more than 650 different shots (using any of my 7 spins across 6 basic strokes; using either forehand or backhand; left hand or right hand; and playing the ball down the backhand side, the forehand side, the middle of the court or cross-court). Recently I expressed my appreciation for this aspect of playing pickleball – “experimenting with new shots and ways to improve each time I play – a great source of learning!”
- Ben strongly encourages employing dedication as a way to replace expectations, especially our own expectations. He suggests that this approach works because when you dedicate your performance to a person who has contributed to your knowledge and skill, “you let go of ego and fear because it’s no longer about you”. I have been avoiding the writing a book on action learning but now that I have decided to dedicate an e-book on the topic to my seriously ill co-author, Julie Cork, I have experienced a release of the fear that “it will not be good enough” and feel motivated to resume writing the book (currently in draft form).
The role of mindfulness in managing expectations
In his discussion of the pressure of expectations, Ben mentioned that the Richmond AFL club had engaged Emma Murray to conduct a mindfulness program for the club. He maintained that mindfulness can be a powerful tool to release the pressure of expectations, particularly if we can combine “accepting and letting go of the uncontrollable and focusing all our attention on controllables”.
Ben argued that what we can control is “intention, effort and mindset”. He suggests that the two major distractions we experience to draw us away from our focus on the controllables are The Double O’s – outcome expectations and others’ expectations. If we tie our self-worth to outcomes, we will be caught up in a sea of emotional disturbance and lose focus. Ben points out that we cannot control outcomes as there are too many variables impacting outcomes over which we have no control. He recommends adopting the mindset of one coach – “I don’t mind what happens”. I found this approach very freeing and energising in a recent game of pickleball (Intermediate Recreational level). Ben also points to some wise advice about outcomes expectations – “let go of winning or losing and let the game be your teacher”.
Phillip Moffitt argues that we can be enslaved by our expectations that can force a degree of rigidity in our life. We cannot control others’ expectations and often have limited control over outcomes. Yet expectations play heavily on our mind – expectations about parenting, managing, performing in sport, punctuality, and every aspect of our daily life. Phillip suggests that ways to free ourselves from the “tyranny of expectations”, and release our creativity, include “look for possibilities” rather than a predetermined result, “expect to stumble” and “live in the now”. Ben argues that it is about “human-being” not “human-doing” – a key mindset change developed through mindfulness.
Reflection
I found Ben Crowe’s book, Where The Light Gets In, highly relatable in multiple ways. So much of his philosophy and concepts resonate with me and many aspects of these have been the subject of my writing in this blog. The ups and downs of Richmond AFL football club and its key figures are central to a lot of Ben’s discussion and examples – I was born in East Melbourne, lived in Richmond until I was five years old and followed Richmond as a fan for many years.
Ben states that his understanding of the power of words and their impact on people’s lives was first achieved through his schooling at the Carmelite’s Whitefriars College in Donvale Victoria – I was a member of the Carmelite Order for five years and lived and studied for four years at the Whitefriars seminary located on the same property as the school.
Ben draws heavily on mindfulness and its power to shift our “inner landscape” – he places considerable emphasis on being present with “non-judgmental awareness of thoughts and emotions”. He explicitly alludes to the definition of mindfulness by Jon Kabat-Zinn and references the work of George Mumford in bringing mindfulness to mainstream sport. Ben points out that as we grow in mindfulness through mindfulness practices such as mindful breathing, meditation and visualisation, we can achieve authenticity, focus, calmness, and confidence, and realise “the best version of ourself” no matter what our arena of activity is.
I had previously read Ash Barty’s memoir, My Dream Time: A Memoir of Tennis & Teamwork – A Grand Slam Champion’s Journey from Anxiety to World #1 and Joy. Through Ash’s story I had been exposed to Ben Crowe’s influence on her mindset and career. Throughout her book, Ash reiterates his fundamental philosophy and identifies how he helped her achieve her outstanding results. Ash’s story, in turn, has been a source of inspiration for me and my own sporting journey while experiencing multiple chronic illnesses.
In the epigraph to his book, Ben quotes the chorus from Leonard Cohen’s song, Anthem, which incorporates “ring the bells” and “how the light gets in”. Ben’s book resonates with me so strongly – it’s as if bells are ringing in my head like church bells ringing in the New Year. Ben argues that Illumination occurs when we come to understand that the things that we can control are our processes, our own expectations, our anchoring in the present, our intrinsic motivations and our response to our past and its impacts on our life. His “perspective shifts” reflect this focus on the “controllables” versus the “uncontrollables” – a strong underlying theme in this blog.
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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)
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