mindfulness practices – Grow Mindfulness

Time as Metaphor

George Lakoff and Mark Turner point out in their book, More Than Cool Reason: A Field Guide to Poetic Metaphor, that we “deal with time metaphorically”, just as we do with other abstract concepts such as life and death. In a previous post, I discussed how a metaphor itself shapes our perceptions and world view and how poetry can enable us to change metaphors and break frames. Time metaphors are pervasive in our everyday language and expose how we view time.

Time metaphors

In this current post, I discuss several time metaphors and explore ways to break free of the constraints in thinking and feeling that they elicit:

If only I had more time

The desire for “more time” is fraught with difficulty because “time” is finite in the sense that we only live one lifetime (normally, up to 100 years). The saying suggests that we could do “more of the same, without reflecting on how we use our time”. We need to review how we spend our time, e.g. in watching TV, sleeping, going to the movies, talking, spreading rumours, playing video games, engaging with social media, feasting on the news. We can treat time as an endless commodity to be drawn on at will or view it as something that is finite and valuable. We can waste time or fritter it away because we have not learned to value what time represents – our chance to learn, grow, contribute and support. There is more to time than meets the eye.

Killing time

This is a way of saying: I need to use time up because I have too much time. It suggests that we are bored, have nothing positive or productive to do. This is an opportunity to savour the freedom of boredom. We are consumed by the need to be doing things all the time, to fill in time with activity. The emphasis on “doing” instead of “being” creates its own stresses. Boredom can be freeing in that it motivates us to be more creative in how we spend our time – the work that we do, our leisure choices, our creative pursuits, developing relationships, our mindfulness practices. Arlie Russell Hochschild suggests that our need to be busy creates a Time Bind that means we are caught up in an obsessive need to fill in time with activity. In the workplace, we have to be seen to be busy – what Christine Jackman describes as “performative busyness”.

Running out of time

This expression often refers to an impending deadline, one that is externally imposed or self-created. We can review the external deadlines in terms of importance and necessity and, where possible, negotiate a change in timeline. Self-imposed timelines are time- traps of our own creation. We can review them and question why we have created them – are they the product of limiting self-beliefs, a need to please, or a need to achieve? In reviewing our self-imposed deadlines, we can ask ourselves, “How necessary are they?” “How could they be changed/adjusted?” By way of example, when I started out writing this blog, I set myself the goal of daily blog posts. This became unsustainable when I started co-facilitating manager-development programs across the State. On the advice of my mentor, I changed my goal to two or three posts a week. I have subsequently adjusted my timeline again to reflect my desire to write a series of e-books based on this blog. I now aim to write two 1,000 word posts per month, along with updating my archive page. Adjusting our self-imposed deadlines for changed circumstances becomes essential if we are to avoid creating unnecessary stress.

Wasting time

We often hear the expression, “That’s a waste of time” or “Stop wasting time”. The emphasis on waste is a recognition that time is a finite resource for our life here on earth. Unfortunately, we spend so much time either thinking about the past or worrying about the future – catalysts for depression and anxiety. Jake Bailey reminds us too that we can spend so much time on looking forward to tomorrow (and live in expectation of what it has to offer) that we lose sight of the present. Elisha Goldstein in his book, The Now Effect, reminds us that being mindful of the present moment can change our life. Richard Carlson and Joseph Bailey reinforce this message in their book, Slowing Down to the Speed of Life. They maintain that we speed up our lives when we live in the past, engage in self-judging or become overly-analytical of our daily life and its related problems. They argue that the benefits of slowing down to the present moment (rather than racing ahead) include improving our health and relationships, enjoying more peace and equanimity, reducing our stress and strengthening our focus and capacity to be productive.

Time metaphors and chronic illness

Jennifer Crystal – writer, educator and author of One Tick Stopped the Clock – haswritten about the different perceptions of time and mindsets by people experiencing chronic illness and those close to people suffering from chronic illness. In a blog post, The Time-Warp of Tick-Borne Illness, she discusses time metaphors in the context of her own experience of tick-borne chronic Lyme Disease.

Jennifer points out that we typically have a different relationship to time (and different time metaphors) at the various stages of our life. As children, time does not move fast enough; as we become aged, we want time to slow down. When people experience chronic illness, different time metaphors come into play.

Jennifer notes that she lost so much time through illness which delayed her degree graduation, her relationships and job/life plans. For her during this period of chronic illness and a subsequent relapse, time moved too fast. She felt an urgency to catch up with time. However, her recovery depended on her slowing down and spending time on self-care. Despite the feeling of having a lot of catching up to do, Jennifer has had to move at her own pace to achieve her goals in her own time and to avoid further major relapses.

Jennifer noted that perceptions of time can be so very different for the well in comparison to the chronically ill. The former often wish for the free time that they see as the province of the chronically ill (time to lie around and read or watch TV). What they don’t realise is that the chronically ill person often does not have the energy or pain-free experience to enjoy these envied activities. Jennifer maintains that each side (the healthy and the chronically ill) need to develop an understanding of the perspective and experience of the other. Even the healthy person experiences stressors and pain in this fast-paced world.

Reflection

In this post, I have concentrated on several time metaphors that can constrain our perception and mindset. However, there are time metaphors that have positive connotations or that promote proactivity, such as a stitch in time saves nine.

In the March Creative Meetup, an online support group for writers-with-chronic-illness, Jennifer shared her blog post and offered two time-related writing prompts:

How has your relationship to time changed with your illness?
Imagine yourself springing forward or backward to a future or past moment in your life. Write a letter to your future or former self from your current self.

As we grow in mindfulness through reflection and other mindfulness practices, we can gain self-awareness about our own time metaphors and find creative ways to break the frames that constrain our thinking and mindset.

I developed the following poem while reflecting on time metaphors:

Time Metaphors

Time doesn’t wait,
but marches on.

We waste time when
killing time,
living for tomorrow,
buying our time,
waiting for the right time.

We express time regrets when we say
if only I had more time,
I have too much time on my hands,
time is going too fast,
if only I had my time over again.

We express frustration with time when we say
where has all the time gone?
I can’t wait till tomorrow comes,
if only I had time,
there’s no more time!

Time is restless, relentless, resilient, resourceful.

Time is opportunity
to learn, grow and create,
to care for self and others,
to be in the present moment,
to experience wonder and awe.

_______________________________________

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Poetry – Blending Opposites and Breaking Frames

Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer is the author of a poem-a-day as well as a dozen books of poetry. Her daily poems can be accessed through her blog, A Hundred Falling Veils. Her latest books of poetry – All the Honey and The Unfolding – were written after the death of her son and that of her father three months later. Her son took his own life and Rosemerry’s grief expressed in her poems is palpable. Rosemerry describes writing poetry as a mindfulness practice that has helped her manage her grief and an abiding sadness

Poetry – “a dance of opposites”

What is particularly distinctive about her poetry is the blending of opposites – pain and joy, sadness and wonder. Rosemerry considers poetry as “a dance of opposites”. She maintains that poetry gives expression to opposites. This process enables her to hold two conflicting feelings at the same time. Writing poetry helps her to rise above her sorrow – to be able to admire beauty and peace amidst pain and loss.

Her focus on what is good in her life enables her to manage the personal devastations that she has experienced. While she gives full voice to her grief, her poetry expresses her gratitude and appreciation for the beauty and goodness that surrounds her daily. She is able, through her poetry, to be fully present to what is – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Rosemerry asks the question, “How do we show up for these oppositional feelings?” such as grief and joy. Her discussions cover not only feelings but also perceptions and mindsets. In an interview about her book, The Unfolding, she tells the story of how she used to make assumptions about Ford car owners and their likely voting preferences. To challenge this perception and mindset, she purchased a Ford car herself and found that by reaching across the mental divide she was able to perceive some commonality with other such owners.

As I was listening, I recalled that I had developed a mindset about Mercedes owners, assuming they were thoughtless, constantly obsessed with “time is money” and caring little for other people’s needs. Then two things happened – my wife and I were looking at buying a Mercedes ourselves (it was the best option available at the time to meet our needs) and a thoughtful Mercedes driver let me into a busy line of traffic. These experiences challenged my perception and mindset. Rosemerry asserts that poetry can also do this by helping us to take an alternative view and look at oppositional perceptions and mindsets.

Poetry: changing metaphors and breaking frames

In a TEDx Talk, Rosemerry spoke of the need to change metaphors if we are to accommodate oppositional thinking. In her presentation, she quotes linguist George Lakoff who writes in his book, Don’t Think of an Elephant!: Know Your Values and Frame the Debate, that “one of the fundamental findings of the cognitive sciences is that we think in terms of frames and metaphors”. Neuroscience has identified the physical manifestation of this phenomenon in the form of neurocircuitry.

Rosemerry asserts that the use of metaphors is universal, employed in every language throughout the world, to enable us “to understand our world, our ideas and our emotions”. She suggests that we just listen to, and carefully observe, everyday language, which is replete with metaphors, e.g. “the time is ripe”, “fell like a dead tree”, “he has a heart of gold”.

She explains that behind each metaphor we use is a “conceptual frame” that shapes our perception of the world and our situation in it. The frame allows a particular perception and interpretation and excludes other explanations – it constrains our freedom to explore alternative ideas. Rosemerry gives the example of a constraining metaphor that occurred for her following the rejection of one her manuscripts and the acceptance of someone else’s. She describes how the “envy metaphor” took over her thinking – she engaged in an endless comparison with the other person, inflating their positives and exaggerating her own negativities. After a while, she began to realize that the envy metaphor did not serve her well but limited her perception of options. Her comparisons with the other person were grossly distorted.

Rosemerry found that she had to find another metaphor to frame her situation to enable her to move forward, rather than wallow in her disappointment and resentment. What helped her on this occasion was her tendency to push her metaphoric story to absurd limits – a form of reductio ad absurdum (Latin for “reduction to absurdity’}, e.g. she began to think that the other writer was a “better gardener” who had “greener fingers” – an analogy way beyond the writing competence of her perceived competitor.

How to change metaphors and break mental frames

In her TEDx Talk, Rosemerry offered a number of suggestions of how we might change our metaphor that is not working for us in a particular situation. Her first offering might prove to be “too far-fetched” for some people but she offered it nonetheless. In this approach she suggests that you choose an object (any object} and you ask the object a number of questions, e.g. “What can you teach me today?”, “What is your purpose?” This imagined interaction can lead to the identification of an alternative metaphor that may work in your new situation.

Rosemerry also offers a second approach to metaphor change and frame breaking. For this approach, she draws on the work of a friend who suggested that you take a line of poetry and change the words and ideas expressed in that poem. By way of example she quoted a line from an Emily Dickinson’s poem, Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul. Rosemerry suggested that you use this line (or any other line of poetry} as a jumping off point to explore a new metaphor or frame of reference. She offers some possible changes to the line such as persistence is the bindweed that pushes through the pavement.

Putting forth alternative lines opens up the possibility of identifying new metaphors or frames of reference that can create the freedom to think differently, to break through the constraints of an existing frame of reference. Rosemerry maintains that the changed metaphor can enable you “to see the world in ways that you have never seen the world before” – this can be truly freeing and provide the opportunity to develop new perspectives and identify different options to address your situation. She asks, “How might it [the new metaphor] change the way you approach your day?”

Reflection

I took a line about hope from Anne Frank’s book, The Diary of a Young Girl, and changed it to read, Where there is hope there is exploration and openness, not closure. At the time I was dealing with another psychotic episode suffered by my adult son. This helped me to replace a “despair metaphor” with a “hope metaphor” – it helped me to see alternative outcomes and the possibility of healing. The process of reframing led me to develop the following poem where “he” became “we” and opened up a new understanding, as well as allowed space for hope:

Hope is Opening

He has been elevated again.
Why does he consume things that are harmful to himself and others?

Turning the mirror on myself,
why do I consume foods that are harmful to myself and others?

What are we seeking?
Is it an escape from boredom and the sense of exclusion?
Is it a search for companionship and connection?

Where there is hope, there is exploration of new pathways,
there resides openness and the end of closure.

If we grow in mindfulness through mindfulness practises such as spending time in nature, conscious breathing and reflection, we can become more aware of own constraining metaphors and find creative ways to change our metaphors and break our imprisoning frames.

_______________________________________

Image by Loi Tran from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

A Letter in Response to Chronic Illness

Each month I participate in an online Meetup of a group of writers-with-chronic-illness sponsored by the Health Story Collaborative (HSC). In our February Creative Meetup, we were introduced by our facilitator, Jennifer Crystal, to the concept of writing a letter to our chronic illness. Jennifer who has Lyme Disease herself, read out a poem by Bonny van Geffen, titled One Lyme Warrior’s Letter to Herself.

In the letter to herself, Bonny exhorts herself to admire her own strength in dealing with her illness and to avoid guilt, shame, self-hate and self-accusations. She compassionately encourages herself to forgive others for their lack of understanding of her illness and its debilitating effects. In her final paragraph, she suggests to herself that she blame the tick and it’s bite, not herself, for her chronic illness.

Writing prompts

Following the reading of Bonny’s letter, Jennifer invited us to spend 20 minutes writing prose or poetry in response to one of the following writing prompts:

Write a love letter to your illness or yourself
Write a letter to someone involved in your story (such as a doctor, family member, or friend). What do you need them to know?

Participants in the group shared their insightful letters to their illness or self, some with humour that they explained was a coping mechanism for them. One participant wrote A letter to My Father expressing appreciation and love for his tolerance and support during his mental illness. Synchronistically, I wrote A Letter to My Son who recently suffered a mental health episode that resulted in his hospitalisation.

The context of my letter- its connection to my chronic illnesses

I have MCAS and histamine intolerance along with hypertension. So the stress generated by my son’s behaviour over a week, affected me not only emotionally and mentally but also physically. It resulted in increased blood pressure along with elevated histamine levels leading to rashes and hives, that alternated between being excessively itchy and generating very dry skin with a burning sensation.

Writing poetry as a mindfulness practice

I found that writing poetry during this time helped me to deal with the stress and enabled me to achieve some degree of emotional regulation and capacity to assist my son and other affected family members – a result of poetry as a mindfulness practice (as recommended by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer).

My mixed emotions and hopeful thoughts were expressed in my poem, A Family Crisis:

Disturbing distress,
disrupted sleep,
distracted concentration,
confused feelings.

Concentric circles of disorientation,
extending to family and friends,
putting life on hold,
family’s peace and privacy punctured.

As I experienced a deepening divide between my son and myself during his mental health episode, I wrote a poem with the title, The Great Divide:

Anger and aggression rear their ugly head,
an unbridgeable chasm,
a physical, mental and emotional divide,
Therein lies grief – separation and loss.
Lives in disarray.

Stretching out across the void,
seeking connection,
unable to reach the other side,
into the tunnel, no light at the end,
dislocation, disturbance and dismay.

As I began to empathise with my son’s mental health condition, I came to realise that we were living in Parallel Worlds:

Parallel worlds of exhaustion,
of mind, body and spirit,
loss of control, freedom and choice,
shared experience of anxiety, uncertainty and deep distress.

As his condition began to improve through medication, I was able to experience some relief (together with mixed emotions) – expressed in the poem, Light at the End of the Tunnel:

Grateful for the care,
concern for the future,
admiring resilience,
trusting intention.

Relief floods in as aggression abates,
freedom, control and choice partially restored,
regret and shame emerge,
revisiting trust and faith.

New insight into “elevated”,
shedding psychosis,
re-emergence of sensitivity,
growing self-awareness.

Mixed emotions –
trust, patience and tolerance restored,
pain and hurt linger beneath,
still unease remains.

A way forward emerges,
light appears at the end of the tunnel,
faith and hope abide,
welcoming home what was lost.

My response to Jennfer’s writing prompts

I chose to write to the second of the writing prompts provided by Jennifer (listed above), so I wrote A Letter to My Son:

You are in pain and lost in your world.
I see you emerging out of the darkness of a deep tunnel.
We have been in parallel worlds.
Hurt and distrust lie within.

I look for the thoughtfulness and sensitivity that is the real you.
I treasure the times when you showed me love and concern.
I savour your presence, personality and power,
your insight, kindness and intelligence.

Reflection

At the end of the Meetup session, after we had shared our writing with other members of the group, Jennifer suggested that we write a short process journal entry. The aim here is to identify what the session brought up for us in terms of insight and feelings. It surfaced for me, my love for my son despite the hurt, pain and resentment. It helped me to deal with my nervousness by focusing on what I truly value and savour in my son who is very likeable and loving.

I felt especially grateful to Jennifer for introducing us to the poetry of Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer. Writing poetry during this family crisis was an important anchor for me as everything around me was in freefall. I had read the introduction to Rosemerry’s book, Exploring Poetry of Presence 11: Prompts to Deepen Your Writing Practice, and started writing poems frequently, rather than as a one-off exercise.

In a previous Meetup, Jennifer reinforced the added value of sharing our writing by reading our poem/prose to others in the group. Jo, a participant, reinforced this idea by commenting to me, “I felt calm just listening to you”. I have subsequently listened to a number of interviews with Rosemerry about her anthologies of poems. In an interview about her new anthology, The Unfolding, she states that she really loves doing poetry reading around the world and conducting classes where “we read poems and talk about them”. Rosemerry maintains that she finds this process “ecstatic”, “Juicy“ and yummy” because “we all translate it [the poem] through the lens of our own experience”. There are times that Rosemerry is “shocked” or experiences “utter admiration” for the different translations of a poem that people bring to the conversation.

Writing poetry can help us to grow in mindfulness because it makes us more present to what is, develops insight into our inner world and encourages us to value and appreciate our outer world, its beauty and awe-inspiring nature.

_______________________________________

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Poetry as Mindfulness

In the previous blog post, I discussed the mindfulness practices that Mary Fowler, international soccer star, uses to grow her resilience, support her mental health and develop calm and happiness. What I did not include in these discussions is the poetry that Mary writes and incorporates in the chapters of her memoir, Bloom: Creating a life I love.

Poetry can be a rich source of mindfulness, both when reading poems or writing them. Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, author of Exploring Poetry of Presence 11: Prompts to Deepen Your Writing Practice, explains how writing poetry can be a mindfulness practice. Her book provides not only a guide to reading Poetry of Presence 11- More Mindfulness Poems, but also a stimulus to our own poetry writing. To achieve guidance for reading the focal book, Rosemerry draws on every poem in the book and uses them and other poems to stimulate our own writing of poetry.

Rosemerry co-hosts the podcast Emerging Form that discusses how to develop the creative process and provides examples. Her poetry is published widely and her anthologies include Hush (a winner of the Halcyon Prize), Naked for Tea, and All the Honey. She has written a poem daily since 2006 and these can be accessed by subscribing to her mailing list and/or by reading her blog, A Hundred Falling Veils. Rosemerry also produces an audio daily, The Poetic Path, which she describes as “an immersive daily experience of poetry and reflection”.

Writing poems as a mindfulness practice

Writing poems develops our capacity to be in the present moment, to be open to the richness of our daily experience and to engage more consciously with others and the world at large. Writing cultivates curiosity and acceptance of what is. It enables us “to show up in the moment”, if we arrive daily with a pen in our hand or a digital device for capturing our thoughts, observations and reflections in-the-moment.

Writing poems changes the way we engage with others, ourselves and our daily environment. It makes us more aware of, and open to, both our external and internal worlds and helps us to achieve an integration between them. When we are seeking to write poetry, we are on the lookout for inspiration and are more conscious of what is going on in our life, in our body and in our mind – it makes us so much more grounded in the reality of our everyday life.

Rosemerry maintains that we should not seek to write “good” poetry according to external standards or those of other people. She argues that this only taps into our negative self-thoughts and cultivates a mindset of criticism and can lead us to get stuck or frustrated. For her, this self-criticism is the opposite of being mindful – it is not accepting what is and how our writing reflects the vicissitudes of our daily life and our natural responses to how we experience our reality. She encourages us to write from our own truth – what is true for us in this moment of writing.

The outcomes of writing poems as a mindfulness practice

Rosemerry draws on her own poem-writing experience to provide a “caveat” for the readers of her book. She counsels us to be aware that not only will our writing change but a lot of other things in our life will change too in unpredictable ways. She explains that using writing as a mindfulness practice has made her more open to life, softened her perspective on many things and enabled her to be “more willing to be vulnerable”.

She found that through her poetry writing she became more honest and trusting. A key outcome of this mindfulness practice was her ability to meet “great loss”, in particular, when her son took his own life. Rosemerry contends that the mindfulness practice of writing poetry really matters when we are faced with “trauma, loss, fear and woundedness”. In her anthology of poems titled The Unfolding, written after the deaths of her son and father, she shares her aching heart while savouring beauty and wonder. Her poems in this collection convey contrasting states such as playful and sombre. They express a life lived fully, consciously and openly.

Despite her grief over her son’s death, Rosemerry experienced an ever-increasing capacity and desire to be open to the richness of life. In the process, she was able to love and connect even amidst “the tough stuff”. She attributes the mindfulness practice of writing poetry to her ability to avoid “shutting down” in the face of extraordinary pain. Having established a “practice of presence”, she was able to show up each day. Her daily stimulus for writing was a set of questions such as, (1) “What is here?” and (2) “What is true right now?”. We could add for our own writing practice the question, “How do I want to show up today?”.

Rosemerry contends that gaining these mindfulness outcomes does not depend on our talent, wisdom or skill level – all that is required is to “show up with a blank piece of paper and a pen”. She maintains that using other people’s poems as a guide can help us to write as well as drawing on the writing prompts she provides in her book or other books such as Exploring Poetry of Presence: A Companion Guide by Gloria Heffernan.

Writing prompts for poems

Throughout her book, Rosemerry provides a series of writing prompts to enable us to write our own poems if we need an external stimulus. Sometimes poems just come to us, catalyzed by significant events in our lives. The writing prompts she offers are an invitation to write our own poems and are an excellent stimulus for self-expression. An example of the prompts she provides includes the following prompt:

Paying attention – the challenge to be in the present moment, noticing the world around us and within us. We can view the world (and our writing) through our senses – sight, sound, smell, touch and taste. Consciously noticing our outer world can lead to cognisance of our inner world – our thoughts, our feelings, our sense of wonder and awe. Rosemerry claims that writing poems mindfully can “build a bridge between these two worlds” – our outer and inner reality.

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, meditation teacher and practitioner, paying attention is central to mindfulness and enables openness, curiosity and self-awareness (particularly of our negative self-talk). Rosemerry suggests that an easy way to start to pay attention and write is to create a list, e.g. of “what could be”, “what I sense in the moment” or “what I find interesting about the world”. She maintains that by “naming things outside the body” we are led to a “revelation inside the body”.

Reflection

I have found that writing a reflective poem has helped me to manage my frustration and pain associated with chronic illnesses. Writing poetry enables me to take a different perspective, explore the consequences of my own actions and often acts as a “bridge to action” when I am faced with inertia.

Writing poems has been particularly helpful for me to stay grounded during a recent family crisis where violence and injury, destruction and dissolution, were very real. Mindfulness heightened by poetry writing enabled me to reflect on what was occurring, explore alternatives and be conscious of my whole-body stress.

As we grow in mindfulness by poetry writing, we can tap into the power of being present, enhance our creativity and build our resilience in the face of “the tough stuff”. We can also develop self-care strategies that enable us to withstand the ever-occurring forces of overwhelm.

_______________________________________

Image by Janusz Walczak from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Managing Adversity with Mindfulness

Mary Fowler recently published a memoir, Bloom: Creating a life I love, that covers the period from her teens to early adulthood. Mary is considered one of the brightest female talents in soccer in Australia. In 2018, when under 16 years of age, she was the fifth youngest soccer player to represent Australia. Since then she has gone on to represent Australia in soccer on 64 occasions, scoring 16 goals.

The highs

Mary had been selected to represent Australia at the 2019 FIFA Women’s World Cup but owing to a hamstring injury was unable to play. She had always dreamed of being an Olympian and, although a gifted long-distance runner, chose soccer as her sport to excel in. The highpoint of her soccer career, in her own words, was being chosen in the Australian team for the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo. She scored a goal in extra time in Australia’s quarter final win over Great Britain.

Mary was elated to be chosen in the Matilda’s team for the home-based 2023 FIFA Women’s World Cup. With the loss of team captain, Sam Kerr, through injury, Mary’s role in the team increased significantly. She scored her first World Cup goal against Canada and was instrumental in the win over Denmark in the Round of 16 game.

In her memoir, Mary recounts the lead-up and successful execution of a penalty goal in the penalty shoot-out against France in the quarter final. She expressed appreciation for her coach’s extensive pre-game practice of taking penalties in a shoot-out, including the line-up at halfway, the slow progression to the penalty spot and the elation on scoring against the goalie. After her World Cup performance, Mary was chosen to represent Australia at the 2024 Summer Olympics in Paris.

The Lows

Throughout her soccer career and much of her early life, Mary was plagued by negative self-thoughts – questioning whether she was good enough, looked good enough or was a good person. Her low self-esteem was frequently aggravated by social media messaging that reinforced her negative self-image. With the sudden advent of fame, Mary’s social media following expanded dramatically and so did the “haters” and belittlers (which only fed her negative view of herself). Wisely, a close friend advised her to stop responding to the online “haters” and spend her efforts commenting on messages from supporters who sought to acknowledge her skills and achievements and wanted her to do well.

In her memoir, Mary describes her period at Montpellier Football Club as her lowest point. She joined the club on her 17^th birthday and spent three years with the club (2020-2022). In her early period there she spent a lot of time on the bench. She was very conscious that being the youngest player in the team, she lacked the experience of the other players. However, she felt acutely the status differential between the “starters” and the “benched” players – the latter sometimes being totally ignored by the coach.

Mary found that as the team suffered a series of losses, conflict within the team grew. She was challenged for the amount of time she spent in the gym, as if she was contributing to their losses by trying to improve her fitness and overall stamina. She also felt keenly the divide within the team between the French players and the “internationals”, the later considered of a lower value.

Mary’s mixed race (Irish and Papua New Guinean) had always been a source of low self-esteem and differentiation by others. These feelings of inferiority were compounded when she finished up at Montpellier. Players leaving the team were given flowers at the end of the of their tenure whereas Mary and her close friend (two of only six black players in the team) were given bananas. She didn’t know whether this was an intentional slight or just a consequence of an accidental series of events.

Mary, who valued her creativity in playing soccer, had offered suggestions on ways to improve the team’s play but had been told by the Montpellier coach to “do what you are told”. This frustration of her creativity was another source of dissatisfaction for her. However, her experience was the opposite when she played with the Australian team as coach Tony Gustavsson encouraged her to be adventurous. Mary found, too, that the move from “striker” to “wing” reduced the pressure on her to score but enabled her to provide plenty of “goal-assists” and become a real team player.

Mary reached an absolute low point during her time with the Montpellier soccer team. She describes cutting herself and engaging in other forms of self-harm, ultimately leading to thoughts of suicide. She also lost her love of the game and thought seriously about giving up the sport (to the point of planning her “retirement”). What helped Mary recover was the very strong support of close friends and family, together with therapy. In her memoir, Mary strongly encourages people who are not coping to reach out for help and therapy if needed. She argues that, like her, people who are stressed have to get past feelings of vulnerability and be willing to share their feelings and concerns with others. Mary learnt that being vulnerable with friends actually deepened her relationships.

As Mary’s fame grew, so too did the pressures on her. She could not go out to do shopping without people recognising her and seeking “selfies” and autographs. She had to deal with increased performance expectations from her friends, fans, team mates and coaches. Negative social media commentary intensified. An additional pressure was the invasion of privacy, particularly in relation to her emerging relationship with Nathan Cleary (who was famous in his own right).

Managing adversity with mindfulness

Mary turned to a series of mindfulness practices to help her restore calm and balance to her life and provide her with the mental clarity and stamina to manage the stresses in her life.

Mary found the strength to go on and pursue what proved to be a stunning international career, as well as eventual success with the Manchester City English Premier League team (2022 till now). She drew on a range of mindfulness practices to help her manage the downside of her career as an elite athlete and to achieve her potential:

Journalling – Mary had been journalling since she was a child but found new commitment and energy for journalling as she progressed in her career and had to deal with the pressures of international fame. Journalling enabled her to deal with the unpredictable and daily challenges. She also found that journalling helped her to get in touch with her feelings, which she tended to hide from others and herself. It provided her with a different perspective on issues and served to challenge her negative thinking about herself.
Positive Affirmations – Mary had to deal with constant negative self-talk that told her she was “not good enough” in many ways. She turned to daily recitation of affirmations to reinforce what was good in her life and was good and positive about herself. Danette May argues that affirmations can replace unconscious negative thoughts with reinforcement of what is good in ourselves. This change in focus (from negative to positive thinking) can alter our mindset and reality.
Drawing nurture from nature – spending time in nature played a major role in Mary’s life and, in her memoir, she acknowledges the role of nature in providing her with calm, new insights, energy and a source of awe and wonder. While in Montpellier she undertook daily mountain walks with her brother to absorb the peace and tranquility of nature. In her memoir chapter on “Stop & smell the flowers” (Chapter 8), Mary explains how she began an intentional practice of stopping to admire a flower, closely observing its colours and textures, and smelling its aroma. This became a habituated practice and extended to stopping to observe any animals along her path (such as birds and possums). She experienced excitement and a warm glow from these animal encounters. Mary often spoke of the Moon as a personal source of stability, energy and positive self-affirmation. Mary’s discussion of her encounters with nature and her slow, observant walking resonates with a mindful walking approach to developing mindfulness.
Reframing goals – Mary was an obsessive goal-setter. She had goals for when she would get pregnant, get married, own her own home and many other things in her life and career. Her goals had set times for achievement. While this aided her outcome focus, it eventually created undue stress through self-created time-pressures and left no room for the vicissitudes of life (such as sporting injuries) that can prevent or delay goal achievement. In a discussion with her “bestie” at the time, Mary decided that she would set “targets” instead of “goals”, removing the constraining effect of detailed timelines.
Expressing gratitude – Mary discovered the power of gratitude to offset negative feelings. Like Kim Armstrong, she found that daily gratitude practice builds resilience, overcomes resentment and envy, and develops a positive mindset. In the final analysis, expressing gratitude helps us “to get in touch with ourselves”. Mary found that routinely expressing gratitude helped her manage the downside of her soccer injuries – times on the sidelines from concussion, an ACL injury and hamstring injury.
Present moment awareness – Mary consciously sought to be in the “present moment” whether playing competitive soccer or being with friends and family. She was strongly influenced by a book, The Power of Now, written by meditation teacher, Eckhart Tolle. She routinely practised meditation to develop this present moment awareness. Mary found that through this mindfulness practice, she began to savour the small things in her life.
Mindset change – Mary had publicly stated that she wanted to be the “best in the world” as an international soccer player. After a period of reflection on how self-limiting this goal can be (she pursued it at the expense of her relationships with friends and the opportunities for fun and new adventures), she changed her target to “be the best that I can be”. This change in mindset freed her from obsessive practice, a sole focus on soccer and a tendency to envy the success of others. Instead, she developed better as a team player, savouring the success of others.

Reflection

Mary Fowler experienced some great highs and some serious lows. Her negative self-talk contributed to many of her lows. However, by turning to mindfulness practices she discovered that as she grew in mindfulness she developed resilience, changed her mindset, increased her happiness, savoured the small things in life, developed a positive self-image and increased her capacity to deal with the stressors in her life.

In her memoir; Mary states that she has now achieved a high level of happiness; increased her tools for managing challenges; and developed sound, close friendships that support her daily. By using a range of mindfulness practices, she has developed a toolkit to address mental health issues as they arise and to draw on the positive energy that surrounds her.

Throughout her memoir, Mary provides several reflection questions that are relevant to the discussion in each chapter. She offers reflection questions such as:

What does success mean to you?
What positive things have occurred for you during the day/week?
What are you genuinely grateful for?

These questions can provide a rich source of reflection and insights and can serve as journalling prompts. The discussion that precedes these reflective questions provides a basis for challenging our own mindset and identifying ways to enhance our own life and happiness.

_______________________________________

Image by Lori Dunn from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Happiness and Fulfillment in Retirement

In the previous post I explored aging and retirement planning. In that post I drew on the work of Bec Wilson, creator of the Epic Retirement Flagship Course and the author of the book, How to have an Epic Retirement. In the current post, I want to focus on Bec’s discussion of happiness and fulfillment in retirement while drawing on the writings on the topic by other authors. At the outset, Bec debunks the image of a retired person who is spending their days in a lazy chair on the beach while drinking wine – research highlights the fact that this portrayal is a recipe for boredom and a shortened life span.

Ways to achieve happiness and fulfillment in retirement

Bec offers a series of suggestions for how we might go about achieving these retirement goals:

Examining your personal stories for sources of happiness and fulfillment

In her Epic Retirement Workbook (that accompanies the Course), Bec offers a way to examine our personal stories including recording our key experiences and challenges, triumphs and passions. She also offers some probing questions to identify themes in our responses such as resilience, creativity, and sources of happiness. This approach to recording personal stories is consistent with the research supporting the use of storytelling to manage life transitions. Such storytelling is often described as narrative therapy – an emerging area for university-level study.

Identifying your purpose and source of happiness by exploring your curiosity

Bec’s Workbook has a series of questions designed to elicit your level of curiosity about your future options, friendships, challenging pursuits, and what you might do with your time in retirement. She maintains that without a degree of curiosity in your retirement years, “you might find yourself isolated, bored and even becoming stale”. Frank Ostaseski, author of The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully, encourages us to cultivate openness and curiosity to achieve intimacy with ourselves, live life fully, develop self-forgiveness and “a deep sense of belonging”.

Creating meaning in your life as a retiree

Bec discusses various ways to create meaning because research confirms that a meaningful life can lead to happiness and a sense of fulfillment. She encourages retirees to volunteer to contribute to a cause beyond ourselves and lists multiple arenas in which to volunteer, including volunteering for charity shops, aged care residents and sporting clubs. A psychologically-rich life can generate a meaningful life and a sense of fulfillment. Pursuits such as the following can create meaning in our retirement years:

Collaborating with others in learning
Exploring part-time work options
Pursuing new sporting challenges and social relationships
Expressing gratitude and kindness which are contagious and cultivate health and happiness in others and ourselves.

Identifying your skills and strengths to develop your sense of purpose

Bec suggests that developing a happy and fulfilling life as a retiree depends largely on having a sense of purpose. She draws on the work of Richard Leider and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi to maintain that developing a sense of purpose involves employing your skills and strengths in areas that you are passionate about, are congruent with your values and contribute to something beyond yourself (such as a charity or other organisation pursuing social goals). In her Workbook, Bec offers a columnar chart to assist us to identify the relationships amongst our skills, passions, values and purpose.

Exploring your courage

Bec points out that it takes courage to move beyond our comfort zone, to pursue “endings” to the way we do things and to try new things that are challenging. She encourages us to tell ourselves the truth about our life, our happiness and sense of fulfillment; to make difficult decisions that will present challenges to our self-concept and our comfort zone; to make mistakes as we try out new things; to dream big; and to say ‘no” or “yes” when it is appropriate for self-preservation or to achieve our potential.

Engaging in epic pursuits

Bec draws on research to show that to achieve an “engaged, curious and happy life” as a retiree we need to adopt three or more pursuits that we enjoy and that ideally engage us physically, cognitively and socially. To this end, she lists (on pages 280-281 of her 2025 Book) epic pursuits that “active and engaged retirees” have adopted to pursue their passions. This can serve as a stimulus and checklist to help us to identify epic pursuits that might interest us. Home swapping can also bring excitement and a change of location (either domestically or overseas).

Exploring different types of work that may be compatible with semi-retirement

Bec suggests that this work could provide supplementary income and draw on existing knowledge and skills (such as lecturing, tutoring, consulting or training) or , alternatively, provide the opportunity to learn new skills (such as starting a small business built on a hobby or a special interest area). Her other suggestions include roles such as driving for rideshare services such as Uber, baby-sitting, pet-sitting, carer/helper, or landlord. The opportunities are numerous and include having a hobby farm, house-sitting, or developing bed and breakfast accommodation.

Developing a new daily routine

It is important that this is developed over time as you become more accustomed to life beyond full-time work or being a home-parent. Research in this area suggests that a daily routine enhances longevity and meaningful living. A retirement routine is very individual and takes some planning and acknowledgement of your own “circadian rhythms”. Bec offers suggestions for rebuilding our morning routine and creating purposeful evenings. Penny Pennington Weeks shares her comprehensive retirement routine to encourage us to plan our own “to enjoy a retired life”.

Practising mindfulness for a happy and fulfilling retirement

Throughout her Epic Retirement Book and Course, Bec strongly encourages cultivating openness, curiosity and reflection – key components of mindfulness practices. Research and personal experience confirm the multiple benefits of mindfulness that accrue from regular mindfulness practices such as Tai Chi, mindful eating, and engaging with nature. Mindfulness practice has been shown to enhance happiness, improve health, strengthen our sense of self-efficacy and enable fulfillment by helping us to realise our potential.

Reflection

I identify as a Morning Person, so in retirement I tend to do creative pursuits such as writing in the mornings and the more routine activities in the afternoons or evenings. As we grow in mindfulness, we can increase our self-awareness, self-compassion, and perception of options. We can also reduce negativity and self-limiting beliefs to enable us to achieve happiness and fulfillment in retirement.

_______________________________________

Image by Ahmet Yüksek from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

Finding Stability and Predictability in Times of Uncertainty

In the previous blog post, I discussed a UCLA talk by Bhanu Joy Harrison on the topic of Unpredictability and Adapting. Bahnu emphasised our constant mind-body search for stability and predictability despite continuously encountering uncertainty in our personal lives as well as the world at large. She maintained that we are constantly seeking “an island of coherence in a sea of chaos”.

The reference to “islands of coherence” is based on the work of Nobel prize winning chemist, Ilya Prigogine, who stated that when systems move away from equilibrium and create chaos, “small islands of coherence” can “shift the entire system to a higher order”. When applied to our inner world, this concept relates to our capacity through interconnectedness to develop stability and predictability that, in turn, provides us with “strength, calm and groundedness”.

Bhanu maintained in her UCLA podcast that mindfulness practices are a way for us to create our own “islands of coherence”. On the InsightTimer website, she offers a range of guided meditations on topics such as slowing down, getting unstuck and managing anxiety. During her podcast, she also provided a guided meditation on supporting ourselves by creating “islands of coherence”.

Guided meditation – providing support and groundedness

Throughout the guided meditation, Bhanu encouraged us to trust our support. As a starting point, this trusting involved letting our chair support us by enabling our weight to sink into the chair. While being conscious of this support, we can let our mind focus on the power of gravity to hold our posture in place (not allowing us to fly into the air but to stay grounded on the earth). We can sense the “grounding effect of gravity” on our body.

While being conscious of this groundedness, we can notice what is happening in our body – a slowing of our breathing, loosening of our muscles and bodily tension. The aim is to drop from our brain into our bodies like dropping an anchor “into the bottom of a lake”.

If we want to contain ourselves bodily we can give ourselves a hug – placing our left hand on our right shoulder and then reversing the process. Alternatively, we can “feel the solid edges of our body” by squeezing along the length of our arms. I often found that joining the fingers of both hands together can have this grounding effect as I feel the sensations pulsing through them.

Bhanu reminded us that “our body holds so much”, including the visceral imprint of trauma. She suggested that one way to calm the body and mind is to hold our head with two hands – one holding the base of the skull while the other holds the forehead. Again, she encouraged us to notice any change in bodily sensations, our emotions and our mental activity.

Bhanu then suggested that we focus on our legs because our legs help us to carry a lot of weight embedded in our torso from the “intensity of life”. Our body, especially our torso, is activated by stress and being aware of this activation through our legs can “help spread out that activation”. In particular, exercises such as pressing our feet into the ground (together or alternating) and squeezing down our legs with our hands, can serve to reduce the activation in our torso by spreading the load. Squeezing down our arms can have a similar positive effect.

Working with the predictable – breathing

Bhanu suggests that when we are overwhelmed by the unpredictable, in whatever form it takes, we can focus on the “predictable” things in our life. A key element of this strategy is to focus on our breath because “our body knows how to breathe”, no matter what is going on in our life. Mindful breathing is an important aspect of mindfulness practice and there are many ways to achieve this re-focusing. James Nestor, for example, promotes intentional breathing as a path to improved health and longevity.

We can breathe with the earth, engage in lower-belly breathing, or rest in our breathing. Richard Wolf argues that we can develop deep listening through focusing on our breathing which he calls “the sound of your life”. He maintains that we can listen to our breath just like a musician listens to music. He provides a number of ways of doing this including listening to the sound of our breath (the inhalation and exhalation), resting in the silence between breaths and breathing in time.

Mast Cell 360 offers breathing as one of the strategies to de-activate the body’s over-active nervous response to perceived “invaders” (food allergies and, in particular, high histamine foods). For example, in the masterclass, Mast Cell Nervous System Reboot, the course creator, Beth O’Hara provides examples of “alternate nostril breathing” as one of the strategies she employed to redress the histamine activation effects of Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS). “Resonance breathing” also forms part of her holistic approach to MCAS and histamine intolerance.

Working with the predictable – alternative strategies

In addition to breathing practices, Bhanu offers other strategies that we can easily employ on a day-to-day basis to focus on the predictable and work to de-activate our bodies from the stress effects of the “unpredictable”. These practices include:

focusing on the seasons of the year which are predicable, especially winter and summer whose arrival is often celebrated with special rituals
consciously viewing the sunrise and sunset occurring each day
observing the emergence of flowers in Spring, the fall of leaves in Autumn (Fall), the shortening of the day in winter and their lengthening in summer
noticing the sun rising early in summer and later in winter
thinking about the way you are greeted by your children and your dog when you return from work each day
observing the millions of stars that appear each night.

Bhanu suggests that these grounding practices can help us to find peace and calm in times of turmoil – they can become our “island of coherence” in the advent of chaos.

Reflection

Chronic illness is often unpredictable and can prove to be complex and difficult to resolve. The uncertainty about its development and resolution and the lack of help from the medical profession can exacerbate the situation. Chronic illness too is disruptive, impacting quality of life and self-identity.

The mindfulness practices proposed by Bhanu can help to manage chronic illness. As we grow in mindfulness, we can better regulate our emotions, draw inspiration from people who have mastered their debilitating situation, and find creative ways to address our own limitations and constraints.

___________________________________________

Image by Kanenori from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield- Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution-Non-Commercial -No Derivatives.

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Adapting to Unpredictability

Bhanu Joy Harrison provided a meditation podcast on Unpredictability and Adapting in September this year. Her session was one of the weekly meditations and talks offered by UCLA Health. Bhanu is an accredited meditation teacher and clinical social worker specialising in the resolution of trauma. She integrates neuroscience with mindfulness practices to enable people to achieve greater joy, balance and resilience. Bhanu provides classes, workshops and resources to assist people to manage the daily challengers of unpredictability. Her website provides a series of guided meditations and she offers access to an app that serves as a journalling guide.

Impact of unpredictability

Drawing on neuroscience, Bhanu maintains that our brain and nervous system is forever seeking stability and predictability as this provides us with an abiding sense of control and safety. In our daily life, however, we have to deal with the unpredictability of our own health, our workplaces and interactions, our shopping and entertainment environments and our social and family encounters. The unpredictability and challenge to our stability of these daily events can lead to stress, overwhelm and inability to cope.

In her talk, Bhanu pointed out how much we rely on past experience to predict what will happen in the future as a result of current events. We look for reliability and steadiness in our life. She contends that our past experience provides us with some form of scaffolding or framework that influences our perceptions and our predictions.

Mindfulness as a toolbox for managing unpredictability

Bhanu contends that mindfulness practices progressively build our personal resources and provide us with a toolbox to draw on to manage unpredictable situations. In contrast, mindless absorption of news and replaying of adverse events serves only to destabilise us and reactivate our stress response.

Bhanu argues that we often look to the past to seek out ways to achieve steadiness, comfort or groundedness. Unfortunately, our past solutions typically involve short-term solutions which prove to be maladaptive in the medium to long term – solutions such as overeating, drinking excessive alcohol to numb the pain or discomfort, “seeking illicit pleasure”, increasing caffeine consumption or scrolling endlessly through social media to distract us from the challenge of the present moment.

Drawing on her extensive experience with clients and the increasing body of research on mindfulness, Bhanu asserts that mindfulness practices undertaken with clear intention and self-kindness effectively create “a different input” for our nervous system than that created by our maladaptive solutions. In her words, mindfulness is capable of enabling us to “generate a different kind of sensory, emotional and mental response” to unpredictability and the related stimuli such as fear, anxiety and sense of loss of control.

Bhanu argues for creating an “ever-growing toolbox of ever-adaptive and helpful skills” through mindfulness practices. She encourages us to develop a “big variety of options” so that we can resource ourself effectively when we encounter the diverse challenges associated with unpredictability. Her suggestions for mindfulness practices include:

Bhanu argues that by developing a mindfulness toolbox, we are resourcing ourself for times when we are overwhelmed by the unpredictable such as a chronic illness diagnosis or the death of a loved one. She provides the example of one of her clients who experienced a “tsunami of grief” to illustrate this point. As Bhanu explains, when we experience grief our rational, analytical brain is hijacked by the amygdala and our lower brain. This shuts down our capacity to engage in logical thinking and solution generation. We then need “an escape hatch out of lower brain structures” (limbic system and brainstem).

Bhanu’s client developed an “escape hatch” in the form of a Mason jar where she stored pieces of paper recording “things that I can do in the moment” – simple things such as drink water, pat an animal, call a friend or relative or breathe deeply and slowly. On the jar she placed a picture of a life-jacket to remind herself “to put her life-jacket on” by accessing her jar and the suggestions within that could help her “settle herself, come back to the present moment and ground herself”.

The jar proved to be a ready resource that was both physical and accessible and provided a choice of pathways back to mindfulness and groundedness. It meant that she did not have to think in the moment about what resources she had available to her to access the stability and control provided by mindfulness.

Awareness of our “Circle of Influence”

Bhanu suggests that we think about our Circle of Influence – identifying the things that we can control and those that are outside our control. This then involves letting go of what we can’t control.

By way of example, Bhanu suggested that the things you can’t control include:

the weather
events beyond our country
the emotions or opinions of other people
traffic flow
natural disasters.

Unfortunately, we can spend a lot of time going over events beyond our control through obsession with the news, over-concern with other people’s views of us, and anxiety about potential natural disasters.

Bhanu indicated that one thing we do have control over is our choices. For example, we can choose to be continually disrupted by “external noise” or we can spend time with relaxing music, enjoying nature or just being quiet. We can choose to avoid foods that create a “flare-up” for us or indulge at our own expense. We can also choose how we respond to stimuli – recognising that there is a gap between stimulus and response.

We can choose to listen to our internal critic telling us that “we are not good enough” or “consciously shift to something else” that is positive and helpful. Our choices extend to controlling our words and tone of voice – we can reaffirm that “I can control what comes out of my mouth”. Our boundaries are also under our control if we choose – for example, deciding when to say “yes” or “no”. We can develop a mindset consistent with an “internal locus of control”– where we are not totally controlled by external events but believe that we have some influence on our environment, are willing to take responsibility for our actions and respond proactively to unpredictable events in our life such as chronic illness.

Reflection

In seeking to manage the unpredictable in our life we can learn from people like Jean-Dominique Bauby. Despite suffering a massive stroke that left him unable to talk or move, he was able to create his memoir by blinking one eye to let his specialist nurse know word by word what he wanted to say. His other strategies for gaining stability and control included humour and virtual travel.

As we grow in mindfulness through a range of mindfulness practices, we can enhance our personal resources and develop a readymade toolbox to achieve stability and control in times of unpredictability such as chronic illness or the death of a loved one.

___________________________________________

Image by Martine Auvray from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield- Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution-Non-Commercial -No Derivatives.

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Exercising Agency When Living with a Chronic Illness

There is a story in chronic illness – it’s evolution, it’s manifestation, our proactive attempts to manage it and its resolution (whatever form that takes). Managing chronic illness invariably involves the three “As” – acceptance, accommodation and agency.

Agency refers to our capacity to have some control over our internal and/or external environment. Typically, chronic illness reduces our agency in various areas of our life because it creates some form of disability which can be far reaching or limited in its manifestation in our day-to-day lives. The challenge for people with chronic illness is to limit the loss of agency where possible and increase its presence in other areas of our life.

How to develop agency as a writer with a chronic illness

In a previous post, I discussed ways to develop agency when we are trying to write while having a chronic illness. In that post, I discussed specific strategies relating to writing such as setting your own pace, finding a comfortable location for writing, writing a reflective poem and starting small.

I have developed agency in my own writing despite having MCAS, a chronic disease affecting the immune system. One form of accommodation I have adopted is to reduce my expectations about the frequency with which I produce a blog post. I have also written a series of reflective poems to help me manage the symptoms and feelings associated with MCAS. I have also started a new writing enterprise in the form of a co-authored book on management (now in its first draft stage). I have had to exercise self-compassion with this project because of the setbacks I have experienced during my writing efforts – setbacks such as the bankruptcy of our contracted publisher, the loss of data, the serious illness of my coauthor, and a week-long cyclone and associated anxiety and disruptions.

Developing agency through research and education

In an earlier post when I discussed a holistic approach to MCAS and histamine intolerance, I mentioned the work of Beth O’Hara, FN, a sufferer from multiple chronic illnesses. Beth used her illness to motivate herself to research her own health solutions and to create the Mast Cell 360 facility which offers paid, holistic health interventions as well as free resources. Her research and her own clinical practice highlighted the role of the nervous system in the development and expansion of MCAS.

Beth’s proactive approach to understanding the role of the nervous system in MCAS was to provide a specialised, online course to help MCAS sufferers gain control of their nervous system which is variously dysregulated with MCAS. Her self-help program, Master Class to Reboot the Mast Cell Nervous System, gives sufferers some degree of agency over their own health improvement.

Through this Reboot Course I came to better understand the components of the nervous system and how the nervous system interacts with other systems of the body (e.g. the digestive system). The Roadmap incorporated in the course gave me insight into the vagal nervous system, factors impacting it and manifestations of damage to the vagal nerves. More importantly, the Roadmap provides strategies to address vagal nerve excitation based on the level involved. In other words, through this Reboot Course I have a way of exercising agency over my own nervous system and its level of excitation. This provides a proactive way of managing the nervous system element of MCAS which according to Beth represents 50% of the recovery protocol.

Typically, a chronic illness will have a pattern – good days, bad days; good periods, bad periods (of variable duration). Once we understand the pattern of our chronic illness (how it manifests itself from day to day), we can exercise agency by utilising the “good” times to undertake what we consider to be important and productive. This can involve writing prose or poetry, engaging in social work or undertaking part-time employment as Jennifer Crystal did with her part-time teaching while she experienced the difficult aspects of Lyme Disease.

Exercising agency in our recreational activity

Agency can also extend to our recreational activity – we can shape our activities to fit our physical, emotional and/or mental ups and downs. I play social tennis despite having MCAS which often means that my ankles and legs are swollen and I have arthritis in one of the fingers I use to hold a tennis racquet.

I have found that swelling in my ankles reduces my mobility. I find that the lack of mobility is very frustrating as this used to be a strength of my tennis game (I was a champion sprinter during secondary school). Now with the swelling I feel anchored on the spot, not able to accelerate forward.

As the inflammation is caused by sensitivity to some foods and drinks, it is within my control to limit these to reduce the swelling and improve my mobility. This, however, is easier said than done as it severely restricts what I can eat and drink.

Another related area of agency with regard to the quality and enjoyment of my tennis game is undertaking exercise on a daily basis – including walking, a daily exercise routine (designed by my exercise physiologist) and my Tai Chi routine.

I re-learnt recently that most of the power of a tennis shot comes from your legs, not your arms or hands. I was getting very frustrated with the arthritic pain in my fingers which caused me to lose power in my arms and hands. However, I have found that by bending my knees with each shot (as I used to do), I can restrict the pain in my fingers and hands and increase the accuracy and power of my tennis shot.

An added benefit of this form of agency is that by bending my knees I unconsciously activate my body memory so that I can access a wider range of tennis shots than I would normally play without the knee-bending. You only have to watch Grand Slam tennis to see how much players, both male and female, rely on bending their knees to gain power and to play a wide range of tennis shots (some even kneel at times to absorb the power of an opponent’s shot). So the simple act of knee-bending gives me a form of agency that increases both the quality and enjoyment of my social tennis.

Reflection

The challenge with chronic illness is to identify areas for increased agency and to experiment with particular strategies to activate whatever agency we can find in whatever window of opportunity reveals itself. Mindfulness practices such as meditation, conscious breathing, reflection and Tai Chi can help us to be open to opportunities for agency and to act on them. As we grow in mindfulness, we can gain insight, heighten creativity and develop the courage to act on our increased self-awareness.

The story of Lucy, a 13 year old blind girl who is also neurodiverse, is an outstanding example of what is possible when we focus on our strengths rather than our deficits. Lucy is a prodigal pianist who has wowed audiences in places such as Leeds Train Station with her rendition of the extremely complex Chopin piece “Nocturne in B-flat Minor Op.9 No.1”. She competed in a public piano competition with three other gifted pianists who were selected by Lang Lang, world famous pianist who was “speechless” with her performance and chose Lucy as the best of the four pianists.

Lucy achieved agency in the form of her creativity and musicality, playing complex classical pieces for audiences, by utilising her strengths despite her obvious disabilities. She has highly developed hearing and an incredible sense of touch – she learned to play the piano by placing her fingers under the fingers of her piano teacher as he depressed each key. Her sensitivity in playing the classical pieces astounded Lang Lang. She played at the Coronation Concert at Windsor Castle on 7 May 2023. Lucy has since produced a classical piano CD, simply called Lucy – The Album. Lucy’s story and her training through the Amber Trust and her teacher, Daniel, is available on video.

_______________________________________________

Image by yoshitaka2 from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Expressing Gratitude Daily

Kim Armstrong provides a meditation on the theme of Cultivating Gratitude Daily. In the 12-Minute Meditation podcast on 21 March 2024, she takes us through a process of reviewing our day (or the previous day) at micro-points to reflect on instances, interactions or events that brought us joy, happiness or contentment. She encourages us to reflect on these moments to express appreciation for them. They don’t have to be big happenings, but by reflecting on the small positive moments in our life, we can cultivate gratitude on a daily basis.

Kim is co-founder and facilitator of Space Between, a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to bringing the benefits of mindfulness to teachers and school-aged youth. She has a Master’s Degree in Child and Adolescent Psychology and is a certified meditation and yoga teacher. Fun-loving Kim is a strong advocate and practitioner of deep listening and draws inspiration from Thich Nhat Hanh’s quote, “Live the actual moment. Only this actual moment is life”.

Space Between draws its name from Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, and his observation that:

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lives our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our greatest happiness.

Guided meditation process

In her guided meditation, Kim helps us to explore the minutia of daily life and to learn to savour each moment that has enriched our lives in small and significant ways. Her process begins with encouraging us to take two deep breaths, inhaling through our nose and exhaling through our mouth, as a way to become grounded for the meditation practice. This initial breathing process could be accentuated by vagal toning. She then leads us to reflect on different stages in our day. The reflections below are my own recollections of moments I appreciated as I progressed through her “Cultivating Gratitude Daily” practice:

Waking up – the warm morning hug from my partner; the sound of birds greeting the morning light (especially the Kookaburras and their raucous “laughter”); the red and yellow glow of the sunrise spreading across the horizon and being reflected in the waters of Moreton Bay; the view of Green Island and its sandy beach from my lounge room and deck; the sand dunes of Moreton island providing a very white backdrop; the early morning silence punctuated by the calls of birds and the sea breeze.
Moving from the bedroom – appreciating having the water and toothpaste to brush my teeth; the opportunity to shower and freshen up for the day in a bathroom (instead of in a lake or river); observing the sunlight spreading throughout the rooms of the house I share with my partner and one of my sons; having a house to live in that is spacious and open to views of the Bay.
Beginning the day – being able to make a cup of coffee on our Expresso machine; having access to Almond Milk (to avoid dairy milk intolerance); savouring the foam and taste of the cappuccino I made; providing a coffee for my partner; having distilled water and vitamins to energise my day; enjoying gluten-free toast and avocado for breakfast; watching the birds feeding off the nectar from our native Bottlebrush trees; enjoying the colour and shape of the Bottlebrushes.
Transition to work, play, or exercise – having a focus and a purposeful task such as my blog and book; being able to write well; having a talent for integrating ideas, concepts and practices from multiple sources; having focus and clarity (not encumbered by “brain fog”); being able to form an intention and pursue it; being able to create poems to reflect my thoughts and emotions.
Transition to home life – being able to walk on the Esplanade beside the Moreton Bay; seeing pelicans gliding gracefully across the water at the creek’s edge and resting contentedly on rocks beside the seagulls as they survey the surrounding Bay waters glistening with sunlight; having access to shops to buy a wide assortment of foods; having food to prepare for dinner; preparing the dinner meal for my partner and son; the pleasure of eating and sharing; the taste of food and drink (peppermint herb tea).
After dinner – sharing a favourite TV show with my partner; being able to watch the Olympics and European soccer (having the resources to fund streaming services such as Stan and Kayo).
Sleeping – being able to sleep (not suffering from insomnia); having a comfortable and warm bed to sleep in (not sleeping in the street on our Winter nights); the stillness of the night.

Kim points out that the “cultivating gratitude practice” has many benefits. She maintains that it offsets the negative bias of our brains and the tendency to focus on what is unpleasant or dissatisfying. Kim argues that gratitude builds resilience, displaces envy and resentment and builds a positive mindset. In her mindfulness training with teachers and school-aged youth, she aims to help them to achieve “integration and wholeness”. Cultivating gratitude helps us to get in touch with ourselves.

Kim and her colleagues at Space Between employ trauma-informed mindfulness training to help members of the school community to use the space between stimulus and response to make better choices for the benefit of themselves and their community. Research supports the organisation’s observation that undertaking mindfulness practices intentionally provides “systemic support for the mental health and well-being of students, teachers and families”.

Reflection

The “Cultivating Gratitude Daily” practice helps us to grow in mindfulness and experience the benefits of heightened creativity, greater calm and clarity, and improved focus and productivity. It assists us to see more clearly what we have in life – the things that bring us happiness and joy and builds positivity that contributes to increased resilience.

It also helps me to appreciate the opportunity to pursue a purpose, the creation of this blog, that is helpful for other people as I contribute to awareness of what resources are available to develop mindfulness and the multiple benefits that can accrue from pursuing mindfulness intentionally.

___________________________________________

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.