Tag: reflection

Managing Adversity with Mindfulness

Mary Fowler recently published a memoir, Bloom: Creating a life I love, that covers the period from her teens to early adulthood. Mary is considered one of the brightest female talents in soccer in Australia.  In 2018, when under 16 years of age, she was the fifth youngest soccer player to represent Australia.  Since then she has gone on to represent Australia in soccer on 64 occasions, scoring 16 goals.

The highs

Mary had been selected to represent Australia at the 2019 FIFA Women’s World Cup but owing to a hamstring injury was unable to play.  She had always dreamed of being an Olympian and, although a gifted long-distance runner, chose soccer as her sport to excel in.  The highpoint of her soccer career, in her own words, was being chosen in the Australian team for the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo.  She scored a goal in extra time in Australia’s quarter final win over Great Britain.

Mary was elated to be chosen in the Matilda’s team for the home-based 2023 FIFA Women’s World Cup.  With the loss of team captain, Sam Kerr, through injury, Mary’s role in the team increased significantly.  She scored her first World Cup goal against Canada and was instrumental in the win over Denmark in the Round of 16 game.

In her memoir, Mary recounts the lead-up and successful execution of a penalty goal in the penalty shoot-out against France in the quarter final.  She expressed appreciation for her coach’s extensive pre-game practice of taking penalties in a shoot-out, including the line-up at halfway, the slow progression to the penalty spot and the elation on scoring against the goalie.  After her World Cup performance, Mary was chosen to represent Australia at the 2024 Summer Olympics in Paris.

The Lows

Throughout her soccer career and much of her early life, Mary was plagued by negative self-thoughts – questioning whether she was good enough, looked good enough or was a good person.  Her low self-esteem was frequently aggravated by social media messaging that reinforced her negative self-image.  With the sudden advent of fame, Mary’s social media following expanded dramatically and so did the “haters” and belittlers (which only fed her negative view of herself).  Wisely, a close friend advised her to stop responding to the online “haters” and spend her efforts commenting on messages from supporters who sought to acknowledge her skills and achievements and wanted her to do well.

In her memoir, Mary describes her period at Montpellier Football Club as her lowest point.  She joined the club on her 17th birthday and spent three years with the club (2020-2022).  In her early period there she spent a lot of time on the bench.  She was very conscious that being the youngest player in the team, she lacked the experience of the other players.  However, she felt acutely the status differential between the “starters” and the “benched” players – the latter sometimes being totally ignored by the coach.

Mary found that as the team suffered a series of losses, conflict within the team grew. She was challenged for the amount of time she spent in the gym, as if she was contributing to their losses by trying to improve her fitness and overall stamina.  She also felt keenly the divide within the team between the French players and the “internationals”, the later considered of a lower value. 

Mary’s mixed race (Irish and Papua New Guinean) had always been a source of low self-esteem and differentiation by others.  These feelings of inferiority were compounded when she finished up at Montpellier.  Players leaving the team were given flowers at the end of the of their tenure whereas Mary and her close friend (two of only six black players in the team) were given bananas.  She didn’t know whether this was an intentional slight or just a consequence of an accidental series of events. 

Mary, who valued her creativity in playing soccer, had offered suggestions on ways to improve the team’s play but had been told by the Montpellier coach to “do what you are told”.  This frustration of her creativity was another source of dissatisfaction for her.  However, her experience was the opposite when she played with the Australian team as coach Tony Gustavsson encouraged her to be adventurous.  Mary found, too, that the move from “striker” to “wing” reduced the pressure on her to score but enabled her to provide plenty of “goal-assists” and become a real team player.

Mary reached an absolute low point during her time with the Montpellier soccer team.  She describes cutting herself and engaging in other forms of self-harm, ultimately leading to thoughts of suicide.  She also lost her love of the game and thought seriously about giving up the sport (to the point of planning her “retirement”).  What helped Mary recover was the very strong support of close friends and family, together with therapy.  In her memoir, Mary strongly encourages people who are not coping to reach out for help and therapy if needed.  She argues that, like her, people who are stressed have to get past feelings of vulnerability and be willing to share their feelings and concerns with others.  Mary learnt that being vulnerable with friends actually deepened her relationships.

As Mary’s fame grew, so too did the pressures on her.  She could not go out to do shopping without people recognising her and seeking “selfies” and autographs.  She had to deal with increased performance expectations from her friends, fans, team mates and coaches. Negative social media commentary intensified.  An additional pressure was the invasion of privacy, particularly in relation to her emerging relationship with Nathan Cleary (who was famous in his own right).

Managing adversity with mindfulness

Mary turned to a series of mindfulness practices to help her restore calm and balance to her life and provide her with the mental clarity and stamina to manage the stresses in her life.

Mary found the strength to go on and pursue what proved to be a stunning international career, as well as eventual success with the Manchester City English Premier League team (2022 till now).  She drew on a range of mindfulness practices to help her manage the downside of her career as an elite athlete and to achieve her potential:

  • Journalling – Mary had been journalling since she was a child but found new commitment and energy for journalling as she progressed in her career and had to deal with the pressures of international fame.   Journalling enabled her to deal with the unpredictable and daily challenges.  She also found that journalling helped her to get in touch with her feelings, which she tended to hide from others and herself.  It provided her with a different perspective on issues and served to challenge her negative thinking about herself.
  • Positive Affirmations – Mary had to deal with constant negative self-talk that told her she was “not good enough” in many ways.  She turned to daily recitation of affirmations to reinforce what was good in her life and was good and positive about herself.  Danette May argues that affirmations can replace unconscious negative thoughts with reinforcement of what is good in ourselves.  This change in focus (from negative to positive thinking) can alter our mindset and reality.
  • Drawing nurture from nature – spending time in nature played a major role in Mary’s life and, in her memoir, she acknowledges the role of nature in providing her with calm, new insights, energy and a source of awe and wonder.  While in Montpellier she undertook daily mountain walks with her brother to absorb the peace and tranquility of nature.  In her memoir chapter on “Stop & smell the flowers” (Chapter 8), Mary explains how she began an intentional practice of stopping to admire a flower, closely observing its colours and textures, and smelling its aroma.  This became a habituated practice and extended to stopping to observe any animals along her path (such as birds and possums).  She experienced excitement and a warm glow from these animal encounters.   Mary often spoke of the Moon as a personal source of stability, energy and positive self-affirmation.   Mary’s discussion of her encounters with nature and her slow, observant walking resonates with a mindful walking approach to developing mindfulness.
  • Reframing goals – Mary was an obsessive goal-setter.  She had goals for when she would get pregnant, get married, own her own home and many other things in her life and career.  Her goals had set times for achievement.  While this aided her outcome focus, it eventually created undue stress through self-created time-pressures and left no room for the vicissitudes of life (such as sporting injuries) that can prevent or delay goal achievement.  In a discussion with her “bestie” at the time, Mary decided that she would set “targets” instead of “goals”, removing the constraining effect of detailed timelines.
  • Expressing gratitude – Mary discovered the power of gratitude to offset negative feelings. Like Kim Armstrong, she found that daily gratitude practice builds resilience, overcomes resentment and envy, and develops a positive mindset.  In the final analysis, expressing gratitude helps us “to get in touch with ourselves”.  Mary found that routinely expressing gratitude helped her manage the downside of her soccer injuries – times on the sidelines from concussion, an ACL injury and hamstring injury.
  • Present moment awareness – Mary consciously sought to be in the “present moment” whether playing competitive soccer or being with friends and family.  She was strongly influenced by a book, The Power of Now, written by meditation teacher, Eckhart Tolle.  She routinely practised meditation to develop this present moment awareness.  Mary found that through this mindfulness practice, she began to savour the small things in her life.
  • Mindset change –  Mary had publicly stated that she wanted to be the “best in the world” as an international soccer player.  After a period of reflection on how self-limiting this goal can be (she pursued it at the expense of her relationships with friends and the opportunities for fun and new adventures), she changed her target to “be the best that I can be”. This change in mindset freed her from obsessive practice, a sole focus on soccer and a tendency to envy the success of others.  Instead, she developed better as a team player, savouring the success of others.

Reflection

Mary Fowler experienced some great highs and some serious lows.  Her negative self-talk contributed to many of her lows.  However, by turning to mindfulness practices she discovered that as she grew in mindfulness she developed resilience, changed her mindset, increased her happiness, savoured the small things in life, developed a positive self-image and increased her capacity to deal with the stressors in her life.

In her memoir; Mary states that she has now achieved a high level of happiness; increased her tools for managing challenges; and developed sound, close friendships that support her daily.  By using a range of mindfulness practices, she has developed a toolkit to address mental health issues as they arise and to draw on the positive energy that surrounds her.

Throughout her memoir, Mary provides several reflection questions that are relevant to the discussion in each chapter.  She offers reflection questions such as:

These questions can provide a rich source of reflection and insights and can serve as journalling prompts.   The discussion that precedes these reflective questions provides a basis for challenging our own mindset and identifying ways to enhance our own life and happiness.

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Image by Lori Dunn from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

To Care for Ourself is to Care for the World

Self-care is often considered to be narcissistic or self-indulgent in a fast-paced world where we have multiple responsibilities and ever-changing demands.  However, the reality is that in caring for ourself, protecting ourself from burnout, we are able to give time and energy from a place of abundance rather than from depletion.

In a previous post, I wrote about strategies suggested by various experts on how to manage ourselves in times of overwhelm.  The focus in that article was on the overwhelm resulting from external events and circumstances as well as from our own health situation such as chronic illness. 

In a talk given for UCLA Health, Diana Winston focused on the internal causes of “overwhelm”, namely, our own self-stories and patterns of thinking and doing.  Her talk, Taking Care of Myself I Take Care of the World, focused on what we can do to redress the frenzied state of our lives as we endlessly pursue multiple conflicting goals. Diana stressed the need to prevent personal overwhelm, exhaustion and burnout and offered strategies for addressing this modern-day challenge.

The internal messaging that drives us

We might be caught up in activism over climate change, addressing issues of domestic violence or working to help redress the growing levels of homelessness.  We might think that we must be doing something to help those in need and cannot rest until these needs are met. Diana cautions us that working in a frenzy is not going to enable us to make a “long-run, sustainable contribution”.  She argues that if we are operating from “depletion”, we cannot give to the world in a “real and meaningful way”.

Diana quoted Thomas Merton who talks about self-violence when people over-commit in the face of conflicting demands.  He argues that “frenzy” depletes our inner peace and “kills the root of wisdom that makes work fruitful”.   This raises the question as to why we work in a frenzy when such a state destroys both the rewards and productivity of our work. 

Diana suggests that sometimes this need to help everyone and “commit to too many people” comes from a sense of self-identity, needing to do something compassionate to feel validated.  It might also be that it makes us “feel okay” if we are doing something to help others, we feel useful and not “empty” or useless. Diana acknowledged that in an early period of trying to help everybody all the time, she was working from a sense of feeling “not enough”, her inner voice was critical of her output.

Meditation and reflection to reverse frenzy

Thomas Merton argues that “we are so obsessed with doing that we have no time and no imagination left for being”.  Diana maintains that we can recapture our sense of being-in-the-world through meditation and deep reflection.  In the process we can unearth our negative patterns of thinking and gain clarity about the way forward for peace and productivity.

Diana argues for scheduling “a time of not-doing” in our diaries so that we can become less frenzied and less focused on doing.  We can change our attitude from “running out of time” to expanding our time through delegation, asking for help and learning to act more productively and calmly by devoting some time to self-care.  We can then contribute to the world through “overflow’, rather than depletion.

Diana also argues for the process of self-resourcing, building “positive states of mind” through pleasurable activities.  This can involve forest bathing, meeting with friends, spending time in our garden, journalling, blogging, and engaging in compassion practices.  We can imagine beautiful places that have brought us joy or revisit activities such as pickleball that offer enjoyment and fun.  Tai Chi, meditation-in-motion, is another way to replenish our inner resources and develop our overall health and fitness.

When we don’t care for ourselves

When we get consumed by our work and frenzied activity we exhaust ourselves and operate from a state of depletion.  Burnout, for example, causes depletion on the physical, mental and spiritual levels.  We become tired and exhausted, overly negative and cynical and  lose a sense of meaning in what we are doing.

Diana points out that we can’t give to others from this state of “emptiness”.  Self-nurturing can rebuild “our bathtub” so that we can offer service and help from a state of “surplus” rather than deficit.  When we are in deficit, every small challenge appears large and adds to our depletion.  We become short-tempered, impatient and critical of others.  So many things are seen to “stand in our way”. 

Diana suggests that The Nap Bishop, Tricia Hersey, has a lot to offer through her focus on rest and relaxation.  In her book, Rest Is Resistance, Tricia promotes the idea of napping, being prepared to say “no” and upholding personal boundaries as ways to “free yourself from the grind culture and reclaim your life”.  She argues that in this approach lies true liberation and justice.

Reflection

When I think about self-care, what immediately comes to mind is my weekly glass of wine that I have to relax and wind down from the week.  I rationalise this aberration from my diet on the grounds that it helps me focus away from work and is restful.  However, with my chronic illness of MCAS, drinking alcohol is not self-care but self-harm.  When I really reflect on what alcohol does to my body and mind, I have to ask myself, “Why do I persist in having my one glass a week when I know it is injurious to my health?”

As I grow in mindfulness through meditation, reflection and mindfulness practices, I can gain a greater insight into what drives my behaviour and develop the courage to create change so that self-care becomes a priority.

As part of this reflection, I wrote the following poem to help me unearth my thought patterns and reframe wine as self-harm, not self-care.  Wine can no longer be viewed by me as a reward – it is a source of harm.

What is There About Alcohol?

What is the attraction?
like light to a moth.

It hurts my head,
makes my throat sore.

It damages my stomach,
strains my liver.

It aggravates my arthritis,
disturbs my sleep.

The pain outlasts the pleasure,
a mythical creation.

Is it for companionship?
Is it for conformity?
Is it for comfort?
Is it for control?

What do we see in this delusion,
where are the rewards?

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Image by Niels Zee from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield- Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution-Non-Commercial -No Derivatives.

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Writing “In Community” for Healing

During the recent Healing Through Writing Festival, Grace Quantock presented on the topic, Living Well with Chronic Illness.  Grace maintained that people with chronic illness often have to deal with missed symptoms, explaining away illness, and social exclusion.   She stated that it is often harder to gain belief from others than to deal with the symptoms themselves.

Grace identified an experience that I have had with diagnosis of chronic illness.  She indicated that people with chronic illness can produce “exhaustive documentation” only to be ignored by medical professionals.   In my case, I spent three hours documenting the major events and symptoms in my medical history over 10 years only to have an Allergist refuse to read the document or add it to my medical file.

The barriers to writing for healing

In a previous post, I explored the idea of memoir-writing for healing as proposed by Janelle Hardy.  Grace argued that there are often barriers to our attempts to write as people with chronic illness.  She suggested that isolation, both emotional and practical (in terms of access to information), creates a personal barrier. 

The writing community itself can also establish barriers by promoting “a productivity culture” that is translated into words-per-hour or words-per-day (e.g. setting a goal of writing 2,000 words per day).  The assumption, as Grace points out, is that writing is a linear process.  However, people with chronic illness have a different relationship to writing time in that they can be intermittently or chronically disabled in terms of capacity to write.  They may have impediments like brain fog, arthritic limbs, chronic fatigue and/or nausea.

Grace maintained that there is an assumption in the writing community, and especially amongst publishers, that writing has to “be a certain way”.  There is a tendency to favour universal experience over individual stories – personal experience and coping strategies are often discounted.  Writers with chronic illness can be blocked by literary gatekeepers who argue that their stories are “too niche” or “not literary enough”. 

Grace suggested that we can too easily succumb to the expectations and standards of others by thinking that we “do not have the credentials” to write or “lack the recognition or prestige” required to publish.  This mental barrier makes it harder for us to envisage our “own writer’s journey” (which will be unlike that of anyone else).  Often relevant credentials are difficult to acquire because of lack of access to training and/or the availability of empathetic mentors.

She argued that the real or core questions relate to “what we hope for in the writing” and what will have the most positive impact for us.

Strategies for overcoming the literary barriers to writing with chronic illness

According to Grace, a starting point is to change our expectations of ourself in terms of written output but also in terms of healing outcomes.  She warned that writing with the mindset “that writing has to fix us” (it must be “reparative”) can actually harm us.  An “extractive mentality” can do us violence.  She suggests that instead of trying to “write to heal”, that we view writing as “a way that is healing”.  The process itself is healing; the healing outcomes are beyond our control. We have to move from an outcomes-focus to a process focus and write the best way we can, given our physical, mental and emotional states.

Contribution to a literary lineage

Grace suggested that we reframe the writing process by acknowledging that we are contributing to a “literary lineage” – writers with chronic illness – and, in the process, creating our own legacy.  There are writers with chronic illness who have considerable literary achievements such as Alice Wong (with Lupus); Flannery O’ Connor (with Spinal Muscular Atrophy); and Virginia Woolf (serious mental health conditions).  Over recent months, I have been inspired by Jennifer Crystal, author of One Tick Stopped the Clock: A Memoir, who contracted Lyme Disease from a tick bite. Jennifer is a weekly columnist for the Global Lyme Alliance, creator of the Writing to Heal Immersive Program, and story coach/facilitator for the Health Story Collaborative.

Grace argued that by writing with chronic illness we are creating documentation that can lead to personal and system change.  By navigating the process of writing about difficult or challenging health situations, we are creating “words that will outlive us” and offering possible solutions or strategies for someone else experiencing chronic illness. She stated categorically that “the poem we write today might be a lifeline somebody else finds after our lifetime”.

Grace contends that our writing – whether as a novel, memoir, blog, poem or journal – can be a “springboard for the next person” as we can be offering alternatives and providing evidence of their efficacy.  We can reframe our solitary writing as “part of a larger network” and a contribution to our “collective experience, collective tapestry and collective legacy”. 

Cultivating our literary community

A strong theme throughout Grace’s presentation is her emphasis on networking within our writing community.   She proposes three core strategies to take advantage of the mutual support and resources that can be available through such a network:

  1. Name three people who are part of your literary community.  In thinking about this, I was able to name Annie Brewster, Jennifer Crystal, and Jennifer Harris.  Annie is the creator of The Health Story Collaborative (HSC), designed to “harness the healing power of stories”.  She is the author of The Healing Power of Storytelling: Using Personal Narrative to Navigate Illness, Trauma and Loss. 
  2. Identify an element of their work that resonates with you.  I have networked with each of the authors mentioned above when they have been facilitators for the monthly, online Creative Meetups, hosted by HSC.  The Meetups are a network activity for writers with a chronic illness.  Each of the facilitators have a profound knowledge of narrative therapy and a very strong commitment to helping people to heal through shared personal narratives.
  3. Exchange literary support with other members of your literary community, e.g. re-tweet, write supportive blog posts and create book reviews for members of your literary community.  I have had correspondence with each of the previously mentioned Creative Meetup facilitators, and they have read my blog posts and poems and offered support and encouragement.  I have also mentioned their work and promoted their writing in my blog posts, e.g. articles about Annie Brewster and Jennifer Crystal.  The Creative Meetups themselves involve a community of writers who willingly share their stories and their writing.  The participants offer supportive challenge and the constant encouragement to move towards healing.

Reflection

Grace has made me more aware that I am not writing alone as a writer with chronic illness and that I am not just writing for myself and my own health.  As I become more aware of my participation in a literary community, I can become more conscious of how I can support, and be supported by, others in my literary community,

This newfound appreciation enhances my gratitude for my ongoing access to an understanding literary community where I don’t have to explain myself, defend my position or pretend to be someone other than who I am.

As we collaboratively grow in mindfulness through our reflections and writing, we can increase our connectedness, build our mutual support and deepen our insights.

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Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)      

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Exercising Agency When Living with a Chronic Illness

There is a story in chronic illness – it’s evolution, it’s manifestation, our proactive attempts to manage it and its resolution (whatever form that takes).  Managing chronic illness invariably involves the three “As” – acceptance, accommodation and agency. 

Agency refers to our capacity to have some control over our internal and/or external environment.  Typically, chronic illness reduces our agency in various areas of our life because it creates some form of disability which can be far reaching or limited in its manifestation in our day-to-day lives.  The challenge for people with chronic illness is to limit the loss of agency where possible and increase its presence in other areas of our life.

How to develop agency as a writer with a chronic illness

In a previous post, I discussed ways to develop agency when we are trying to write while having a chronic illness.  In that post, I discussed specific strategies relating to writing such as setting your own pace, finding a comfortable location for writing, writing a reflective poem and starting small.

I have developed agency in my own writing despite having MCAS, a chronic disease affecting the immune system.  One form of accommodation I have adopted is to reduce my expectations about the frequency with which I produce a blog post.  I have also written a series of reflective poems to help me manage the symptoms and feelings associated with MCAS.  I have also started a new writing enterprise in the form of a co-authored book on management (now in its first draft stage).  I have had to exercise self-compassion with this project because of the setbacks I have experienced during my writing efforts – setbacks such as the bankruptcy of our contracted publisher, the loss of data, the serious illness of my coauthor, and a week-long cyclone and associated anxiety and disruptions.

Developing agency through research and education

In an earlier post when I discussed a holistic approach to MCAS and histamine intolerance, I mentioned the work of Beth O’Hara, FN, a sufferer from multiple chronic illnesses.  Beth used her illness to motivate herself to research her own health solutions and to create the Mast Cell 360 facility which offers paid, holistic health interventions as well as  free resources.  Her research and her own clinical practice highlighted the role of the nervous system in the development and expansion of MCAS. 

Beth’s proactive approach to understanding the role of the nervous system in MCAS was to provide a specialised, online course to help MCAS sufferers gain control of their nervous system which is variously dysregulated with MCAS.  Her self-help program, Master Class to Reboot the Mast Cell Nervous System, gives sufferers some degree of agency over their own health improvement.

Through this Reboot Course I came to better understand the components of the nervous system and how the nervous system interacts with other systems of the body (e.g. the digestive system).  The Roadmap incorporated in the course gave me insight into the vagal nervous system, factors impacting it and manifestations of damage to the vagal nerves.  More importantly, the Roadmap provides strategies to address vagal nerve excitation based on the level involved.  In other words, through this Reboot Course I have a way of exercising agency over my own nervous system and its level of excitation.  This provides a proactive way of managing the nervous system element of MCAS which according to Beth represents 50% of the recovery protocol.

Typically, a chronic illness will have a pattern – good days, bad days; good periods, bad periods (of variable duration).  Once we understand the pattern of our chronic illness (how it manifests itself from day to day), we can exercise agency by utilising the “good” times to undertake what we consider to be important and productive.  This can involve writing prose or poetry, engaging in social work or undertaking part-time employment as Jennifer Crystal did with her part-time teaching while she experienced the difficult aspects of Lyme Disease.

Exercising agency in our recreational activity

Agency can also extend to our recreational activity – we can shape our activities to fit our physical, emotional and/or mental ups and downs.  I play social tennis despite having MCAS which often means that my ankles and legs are swollen and I have arthritis in one of the fingers I use to hold a tennis racquet. 

I have found that swelling in my ankles reduces my mobility.  I find that the lack of mobility is very frustrating as this used to be a strength of my tennis game (I was a champion sprinter during secondary school).   Now with the swelling I feel anchored on the spot, not able to accelerate forward.

As the inflammation is caused by sensitivity to some foods and drinks, it is within my control to limit these to reduce the swelling and improve my mobility.  This, however, is easier said than done as it severely restricts what I can eat and drink.

Another related area of agency with regard to the quality and enjoyment of my tennis game is undertaking exercise on a daily basis – including walking, a daily exercise routine (designed by my exercise physiologist) and my Tai Chi routine.

I re-learnt recently that most of the power of a tennis shot comes from your legs, not your arms or hands. I was getting very frustrated with the arthritic pain in my fingers which caused me to lose power in my arms and hands.  However, I have found that by bending my knees with each shot (as I used to do), I can restrict the pain in my fingers and hands and increase the accuracy and power of my tennis shot.

An added benefit of this form of agency is that by bending my knees I unconsciously activate my body memory so that I can access a wider range of tennis shots than I would normally play without the knee-bending. You only have to watch Grand Slam tennis to see how much players, both male and female, rely on bending their knees to gain power and to play a wide range of tennis shots (some even kneel at times to absorb the power of an opponent’s shot).  So the simple act of knee-bending gives me a form of agency that increases both the quality and enjoyment of my social tennis.

Reflection

The challenge with chronic illness is to identify areas for increased agency and to experiment with particular strategies to activate whatever agency we can find in whatever window of opportunity reveals itself.  Mindfulness practices such as meditation, conscious breathing, reflection and Tai Chi can help us to be open to opportunities for agency and to act on them.  As we grow in mindfulness, we can gain insight, heighten creativity and develop the courage to act on our increased self-awareness.

The story of Lucy, a 13 year old blind girl who is also neurodiverse, is an outstanding example of what is possible when we focus on our strengths rather than our deficits. Lucy is a prodigal pianist who has wowed audiences in places such as Leeds Train Station with her rendition of the extremely complex Chopin piece “Nocturne in B-flat Minor Op.9 No.1”.  She competed in a public piano competition with three other gifted pianists who were selected by Lang Lang, world famous pianist who was “speechless” with her performance and chose Lucy as the best of the four pianists. 

Lucy achieved agency in the form of her creativity and musicality, playing complex classical pieces for audiences, by utilising her strengths despite her obvious disabilities.  She has highly developed hearing and an incredible sense of touch – she learned to play the piano by placing her fingers under the fingers of her piano teacher as he depressed each key.  Her sensitivity in playing the classical pieces astounded Lang Lang.  She played at the Coronation Concert at Windsor Castle on 7 May 2023.  Lucy has since produced a classical piano CD, simply called Lucy – The Album.  Lucy’s story and her training through the Amber Trust and her teacher, Daniel, is available on video.

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Image by yoshitaka2 from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)      

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Beyond Happiness: Strategies to Find Contentment

Gregory P. Smith wrote a book explaining the practical steps and strategies that he employed to turn his life around from being friendless, homeless, unemployed and broke to living a life of fulfillment and contentment.  His book, Better than Happiness: The True Antidote to Discontent, is a heartfelt exploration of his transformation where he openly discusses his anger, depression, and violence (to himself and others). 

Gregory had previously spent 10 years alone in the forest to escape from a society that he found to be superficial, manipulative and harmful.  The story of his survival in harsh forest conditions is captured in his book, Out of the Forest, where he explores his survival strategies and self-exploration.  His escape to the forest was, in part, a reaction to his traumatic upbringing where he was physically beaten by his father, placed in an orphanage, suffered “negative labelling” by fellow school students, and treated with contempt in youth detention centres.  He was unable to sustain employment because of his turbulent lifestyle, drinking to excess and doping on drugs.

Gregory has transformed incredibly completing a PhD, becoming an international speaker and advocate for the homeless and disadvantaged and achieving the Order of Australia award  for his community contributions.  His story incorporating the Order of Australia Medal award was captured in a 2023 episode of ABC’s Australian Story. Gregory strongly advocates that we do not ignore homeless people but give them a smile of acknowledgement (even if it is risky), as it can change their life.

The process of transformation

Gregory gave up alcohol and drugs and found a way to “become human” again.  His process involved much soul-searching and vigilance to avoid “sliding back” and indulging in ‘self-destructive behaviours”.  Gregory’s story of transformation is captured in the earlier Australian Story filmed in 2018.  He also shared his story in a 2021 TEDx Talk, From Forest Hermit to Professor of Sociology (transcript available through this link).

In discussing his journey in various media and in his books, Gregory highlighted a number of key elements/strategies that enabled him to move beyond happiness to a life of contentment with his very significant social and academic roles and a farmed-based life with his family.  These strategies included the following:

  • Accepting that he had created his own diabolical situation: instead of blaming others for his unhappy life, lack of friendships and homelessness, he began to acknowledge that his adverse situation was the result of choices that had made.  Instead seeing himself as a “victim” powerless to change, he recognised that he could turn his life around if only he had the resolve and willingness to do whatever was needed to improve his life and achieve contentment (a positive state beyond happiness).  Gregory focused on “acceptance” of what is – the fact that his “deepest wounds were self-inflicted”  and that his internal battles had been “destructive.”   He needed to develop the serenity to accept what he could not change, build the courage to change the things that were within his control, acquire the wisdom to discern the difference and understand his “locus of control”.
  • Forming an intention: Gregory resolved at the outset of his changed approach to “be a better man”.  This unshakeable resolve led to many changes in the way he viewed the world and people in it.  He had to challenge his attitudes and reframe how he thought about himself.  Intention forming helped him reshape his life.
  • Giving up alcohol and drugs: this was a foundational decision in line with his intention.  He knew from his experience of alcoholism and addiction that he could not pursue his resolve without giving up the power that alcohol and drugs had over him.  He realised, too, that his addictions were an ineffective way to deal with the pain of his traumatic childhood and adolescence.  Gregory had to ward off the commercial and social pressures that tried to force him to conform to others’ drinking and drug taking habits. Once he became sober and drug-free, he found that he could begin to think clearly, make sound choices and plan his next steps.  However, the journey into sobriety was a difficult one, testing him continuously.
  • Taking one day at a time: the complexity of the personal changes Gregory had to make were sometimes overwhelming.  However, his resolve “to take it one day at a time” enabled him to deal with bite-size chunks in terms of attitude and behavioural change.  His philosophy “to begin small” helped him to achieve small personal changes that became reinforcing in terms of the direction he was trying to head in – they also served to build his sense of  self-efficacy.
  • Volunteering with the RSPCA: Gregory had been a forest recluse for 10 years and was consumed by anger and hate as a result of his physical and psychological abuse in early childhood and debilitating detention experienced in adolescence.  He did not trust people and found it impossible to talk to them.  He decided to take the small step of volunteering with the RSPCA looking after dogs which enabled him to get in touch with the furry animals that he loved but also to begin to engage, slowly but surely, with other volunteers.  He also tried Alcohol Anonymous but found that regular participation was not for him – he did acknowledge that on the infrequent occasions he attended a meeting, he learned something from his fellow sufferers.
  • Gaining an education: Gregory believed that education would open doors for him.  Again, he decided to start small and enrolled in a Certificate 1 in Information Technology which when he passed gave him the belief in his ability to study and learn and do well in education.  Being “pumped and motivated”, he then enrolled in a bridging course at Southport TAFE which enabled him to eventually enrol in a university course.  He decided to undertake a course in sociology at the Coffs Harbour campus of Southern Cross University.  This led to an invitation to take on an Honours Degree.  His successful achievement of First Class Honours resulted in the offer of a Australian Postgraduate Award Scholarship to do his PhD.
  • Jettisoning labels: At every stage of his life, Geoffrey had to deal with negative labels. In his book on contentment, he explains the process and difficulty he experienced in “peeling labels”.  He realised that negative labels repeated often become a part of your self-perception (almost by osmosis).  He had been called “stupid’ throughout his life and was labelled a “sociopath” by a psychologist.  He did engage in anti-social behaviour and was violent at stages of his life, but deep down he had an intense desire to do the right thing and be morally upright.  Gregory’s ongoing academic achievements served as evidence that the negative labels he had been branded with were, in fact, false and were often promoted by people who were envious of his free thinking and outstanding transformation.  There were always naysayers who tried to deter him or belittle his goal to “be a better man”.
  • Changing attitudes: Gregory had to change his attitudes and particularly the way he viewed other people.  Instead of making them conform to his expectations (sometimes violently), he began to acknowledge peoples’ idiosyncrasies and accept that people are different and that is okay.  He focused on himself instead and tried to be the best he could be.  However, he acknowledged that “changing an attitude requires constant effort and vigilance”.
  • Being in the present moment: one of the things Gregory learned as a recluse in the rainforest was the power of the “present moment”.  Despite the hardship and deprivation he experienced in this reclusive existence, he was able to focus in on the present moment and appreciate the beauty that surrounded him in the plants, birds, trees and mountains.  He experienced the Power of Now that was a key learning of Eckhart Tolle during his period of homelessness.  Gregory was able to use the power of the present moment to manage the challenges that beset him in his transformation journey.
  • Managing his anger and resentment: after an angry outburst or physical altercation, Gregory would critically analyse what happened – what were the triggers?; what were his thoughts?; what words and actions did he employ?; what was behind his resentment? He came to realise what Viktor Frankl discovered in the concentration camp that there was a “gap” between a stimulus (such as a trigger) and a response and that real freedom lies in that gap and the power to choose how to react.
  • Framing his life as a “three-day-week”: Gregory had to resist the natural tendency to dwell on the past (which leads to depression) or to obsess about the future (which leads to anxiety).  He adopted the concept of the three-day-week as a way to frame his life – “yesterday, today, tomorrow”.  In this way, he could reflect on the day that had passed and take learnings from it, plan his activities for the following day and spend as much time as possible in the present moment.

Reflection

Greg Hassall in writing about how Gregory “survived homelessness, addiction, and abuse” suggested that Gregory’s greatest contribution is to provide a living example of the ability to change and to challenge those who believe that they cannot change because “we are captive to our own histories”.

Gregory argues that “changing who you are is a great adventure” – you need to identify what you will take with you in terms of attitudes and what you have to leave behind.  He showed that intention, being in the present moment, critical reflection and education go a long way to facilitating the necessary changes.

As we grow mindfulness through reflection and present moment awareness, we can develop self-awareness and insight, gain the courage and creativity to change and achieve contentment with our life.  Gregory reminds us that “contentment takes thought, mindfulness, planning, self-reflection, patience and vigilance”.

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Image by Patty Jansen from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Autumn: A Time for Reflection and Shedding

The Health Story Collaborative sponsors a monthly, online Creative Meetup for people anywhere in the world who are experiencing chronic illness or disability.  The Meetup via Zoom is facilitated and is designed to enable participants to spend time writing while in a supportive community and, in the process, “to access and release our emotions, personal stories, and creative spirits”.  The Health Story Collaborative was created by Dr. Annie Brewster, author of The Healing Power of Storytelling: Using Personal Narrative to Navigate Illness, Trauma and Loss.

During our Creative Meetup session in September, Jennifer Harris (our facilitator) guided us in reflecting on Autumn and the significance of the season in terms of harvesting and shedding.  By way of stimulus, Jennifer quoted Mary Oliver’s Fall Song and the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, “Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall”.  This led to a session for our creative writing around the themes of “harvesting” and “shedding”.

Autumnal reflections

The four seasons of the year are often used to represent times of transition.  Vivaldi’s Four Seasons – “four violin concerti giving musical expression to a season of the year” – epitomises the seasonal transitions we can observe in temperature, the migration of birds, changes in landscapes and in human behaviour.  Autumn is associated with harvesting, the gathering of food and growing fur by animals to prepare for the impending winter and significant temperature/weather changes.  Many cultures celebrate the arrival of autumn with rites and rituals, especially the Autumnal Equinox (when day and night are equal in length) occurring at the start of Fall (Autumn). 

Autumnal rites and rituals often signify change and harvesting.  In Japan, the National Autumnal Equinox holiday is a time dedicated to paying respect to “deceased parents, grandparents, and other family members”.  In India, Autumn is a time of cleansing.   There are various rituals involving shedding to reflect the falling of leaves and regeneration during this season.

Reflections on harvesting

Harvesting is a time of reaping what you have sown.  Our reflections focused on the metaphorical meaning of harvesting in terms of abundance or achievements realised throughout the year.  We were asked to reflect on blessings we experienced, tending/nurturing received, projects accomplished, and personal growth.  Associated with these reflections was encouragement to express gratitude for what we had harvested in our personal life.

I noted the following in terms of my “harvest” during the 2024 year:

  • Joined the Creative Meetup group of the Health Story Collaborative and participated in the monthly sessions
  • Integrated the themes and discussion of the Meetups into my blog posts
  • Wrote poems that reflected the themes of the Meetups and related blog posts – giving creative expression to my feelings
  • Conceived and structured a book on management – for co-authoring with my colleague (co-facilitator of 80 longitudinal manager development programs, conducted over 16 years)
  • Organised a publisher for our book and signed a contract for assisted self-publishing
  • Completed the first draft of 20 chapters of our book on management
  • Wrote the following posts exploring ways to express gratitude and sharing my gratitude for what I have experienced and am experiencing:

In our discussion of harvesting we acknowledged that it was okay to “harvest less”, given that all participants in the Meetups are people suffering from chronic illness or disability who often experience setbacks in their recovery.

Reflections on Shedding

During autumn we can observe the trees and plants shedding their leaves and fertilising the soil with the decaying material – death generates new life.

There are many things that we can shed if they are holding us back from realising our potential – e.g. identity, old beliefs or expectations.  During the Creative Meetup I became aware of the unrealistic expectations I was placing on myself in terms of output for my co-authored book on management.  The expectations were not coming from my co-author who is currently consumed by her caring role for an ill relative.  The expectations are my own – setting a timeline and trying to determine a daily output. 

What I realised is that my personal output expectations needed to be shed in the light of the continuous disruption I am experiencing in relation to health-related issues and medical testing.  I have been losing momentum in my writing because of the continuous need to undertake important health-related tasks. I have to accept that this is my current situation and shed my expectations about high levels of output in my writing.  I have already changed my expectations of the frequency with which I produce a blog post.  However, to date, I have failed to adjust my expectations concerning writing my co-authored book.

My participation in the Creative Meetup with the focus on the autumnal shedding theme, highlighted the need for me to shed my current expectations about output for our book in order to create the freedom and space for other important things such as maintaining good health and my connections with family and friends. 

Reflection – a poem

The seasons can help us to grow in mindfulness by enhancing our observation of what is changing around us and cultivating gratitude for what we have experienced and achieved.  Autumn promotes reflection on what we have harvested and what we need to shed.   I wrote the following poem to reflect the process of shedding:

Autumnal Shedding

Autumn leaves falling softly
Silently seeking the soil.
Shaken from their anchor
Shrivelled, shrunken, distorted shapes.
Shedding, signalling rebirth
Death begets new life.
New growth, new possibilities
Transcending the past.

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Image by Sven Lachmann from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Creative Meetups: Action Learning for Health and Healing

Creative Meetups are provided by the Health Story Collaborative (HSC) to enable participants to reflect, connect and gain support from other people who are also living with chronic illness or disability or are carers.  The free Meetups, currently facilitated by Jennifer Harris on the Zoom platform, provide a stimulus for writing “to access and release emotions, personal stories and creative spirits”.  They form an avenue for healing through the mechanism of narrative therapy.

Alice Morgan, author of What Is Narrative Therapy?, maintains that narrative therapy can take many forms.  For instance, she suggests that it can involve “particular ways of talking with people about their lives and the problems they are experiencing”.  In essence, it involves people sharing their stories orally and/or in writing to gain insight into the meanings they ascribe to events, experiences and current situations (such as a physical or mental health condition).  Jodi Clarke points out that we carry multiple self-stories including those related to “self-esteem, abilities, relationships and work.”  She maintains that the process of “putting your narrative together” (however, this is created) enables an individual “to find their voice” as they explore  their life experiences and the meanings they attribute to them.

What is action learning?

Action learning can be described in simple terms as a cycle – planning, taking action and reflecting on the outcomes (intended and unintended).  It is used worldwide in public, private and not-for profit organisations and communities to create positive change and empower people to be the best they can be.  It can be undertaken by an individual by themselves (as I have done with my tennis playing over the years) or, more often, as part of a group or “action learning set”.

Creative Meetups and Action Learning

Creative Meetups and action learning have a core assumption in common.  Alice Morgan expressed this well when she maintained that narrative therapy assumes that “people have many skills, competencies, beliefs, values, commitments and abilities” to resolve their own challenging situations – an assumption that underpins the process of Creative Meetups.  This is also a fundamental assumption of action learning (AL).  

Reg Revans, the “Father of Action Learning”, charged with improving the mining industry in the UK, got mining managers together to solve their “here and now problems” in the mines.    He also got nurses in Intensive Care Units together to work on their challenging situations.  In an action learning context, participants are often described as “personal scientists”.  Some academics in universities, tied to the concept of universities as the sole repository of “expert knowledge”, had great difficulty accepting this core assumption and would actively oppose the uptake of action learning – it challenged their firmly held beliefs about knowledge creation and dissemination.

Creative Meetups and action learning have a number of other elements in common and, in the final analysis, both seek to create positive change in a situation (either individual or collective).  Some of the shared elements are as follows:

  1. Peer support – a fundamental principle is to treat each other as peers – with no acknowledged hierarchical difference.  There is a recognition that we are “all in the same boat” – each facing challenging situations.  Reg described this element as “comrades in adversity”; more recently, people have termed it “comrades in opportunity”.  In essence, it involves providing mutual support irrespective of our work role, status, social position or experience level.
  2. Collaboration – participants work together towards a common goal (e.g. health and healing or team improvement) and willingly share stores, resources, and insights for mutual benefit.  People are unstinting in their sharing – often recommending or loaning books, highlighting helpful websites or identifying relevant expert people.
  3. Don’t know mind – participants adopt a “don’t know mind”, not presuming to know and understand another person’s situation.  Reg suggests that if you think you understand something fully, you are not only going to get yourself into trouble but other people as well.   Adopting a don’t know mind – not jumping to conclusions or interrupting another’s story with your own (erroneously assuming they are same or similar) – enables a person to tell their story in an unfettered way, opening up the path to healing and recovery. 
  4. Honesty – the conscious exploration of what it means to be honest with oneself (owning up) and with others.  This opens the way for improvement and change.  The process of writing in Creative Meetups helps participants to identify false self-stories and unearth truer and richer stories that open up new avenues for their lives and their relationships. Action learning, too, enables the development of honesty.  Reg, for example, recounts an action learning program involving industrial executives in Belgium who, after 18 months of action learning, identified “What is an honest man and what do I need to become one?” (they were all men) as the most significant question they wished they had asked at the start of the program.  He maintained that the pathway to learning and change involves “admitting what you do not know”.  Reg also maintained that if you are going to do “something significant about something imperative”, you will come up against how you define yourself and your role.
  5. Reflection – reflection is assisted by writing and sharing.  The more we reflect, the more it becomes a way of life.  Frequent reflection-on-action can result in the ability to reflect-in-action.  Reg suggests that reflection is best done in a group because when we reflect alone we can tend to reinforce our existing assumptions and maintain our blindspots.  He argues for diversity in the reflective group – diversity of culture, nationality, profession and orientation (business/not-for-profit/community).  The Creative Meetups provide a rich diversity in terms of location (participants are from different countries and cultures) and health/caring situation.   Participants can gain insight gratuitously when others share their reflections from their different perspectives.
  6. Questioning – the willingness and ability to ask “fresh question” to open upinsight into a challenging situation.  Reg describes this as “questioning insight”.  This approach involves “supportive challenge” – challenging assumptions to enable a person to be the best they can be.  Alice Morgan highlights the role of questioning in narrative therapy because we can often develop negative self-stories.  Both action learning and Creative Meetups (narrative therapy) cultivate curiosity.
  7. Action taking – action learning involves learning through action undertaken with others where possible.  Creative Meetups promote writing as taking action to become open to  the healing power of storytelling.   The writing can take any form, e.g. prose, poetry, dot points.  Action is also reflected in the changes in behaviour undertaken by participants as a result of insights gained through writing and sharing.
  8. Facilitation – to design and manage the process of sharing.  In Creative Meetups, the facilitator provides stimulus material (e.g., a story, music or poem) to enable participants to write and share.  In action learning, the facilitator guides the process of planning, acting, reflecting and sharing.  In both situations, the facilitator is not a teacher.  Their role is to create an environment that promotes safety, trust, openness and sharing – their metaprocess goal is to develop a learning community.   

Creative Meetups, in promoting writing and reflection, are helping participants to grow in mindfulness which is described by MARC (UCLA) as “paying attention to present moment experiences with openness, curiosity and a willingness to be with what is”.   Both action learning and mindfulness contribute to positive mental health because they increase self-awareness and heighten a sense of agency (belief in the capacity to have some control over our inner and outer environment).  In cultivating mindfulness, both approaches help people to develop resilience, compassion and creativity. 

Reflection

I initially joined the Meetups with a view to writing my stories in prose but have found that the stimulus provided by the discussions and my recent reading of Kim Rosen’s book,  Saved by a Poem: The Transformative Power of Words, has led me to write several poems about my health story and the process of the Meetups.  Kim’s identification of the transformative elements of a poem continues to provide a pathway for my poetic expression.   I used her elements to analyse a poem I had written called For the Love of Tennis that enabled me to express my gratitude for being able to continue to play tennis despite a diagnosis of “multiple-level spinal degeneration”.

Following a recent Meetup, I unearthed my feelings about my chronic condition of food sensitivity/allergy resulting from Long Covid-induced Mast Cell Activation Syndrome.   I was surprised about the intensity of my feelings of frustration and alienation that I had not previously given voice to.   The poem, The Inflammatory Thread in My Life, provided a creative outlet and release for emotions I had kept “under wraps” and not expressed to anyone, including myself.

In a previous post, I shared a poem, Compassionate Listening, that I wrote following a Creative Meetup where the stimulus input included an excerpt from Joni Mitchell’s performance of Both Sides Now at the 2024 Grammy Awards.  To me the poem reflects the stance of participants of the Creative Meetup in being able to engage in deep listening, provide active support of the storyteller and reflect back not only the feelings expressed but also the intensity of those feelings. 

Compassionate listening strongly reflects the ethos of HSC where Healing Story Principals (such as Micheal Bischoff) sought to support people “to tell and listen to stories in ways that are healing, connected and empowering”.  The support and connection underpinning Creative Meetups and action learning promote health and healing.

Reflecting on the process of Creative Meetups and my long-standing experience with action learning in multiple contexts, I was inspired to write the following poem:

Where is “There”?

When you share your innermost secrets

and I say, “I’ve been there!”,

where is “there”?

It’s not where you have been

with your unique experience and perception.

I’m not inside you looking out,

I’m outside you looking in.

It’s like the glimpse of the Bay

that I get from my back deck.

It’s not the Bay!

It’s only a tiny window

on a complex ecosystem.

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Image by Xavier Lavin Pino from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

How to Develop Positive Beliefs About Aging

Previously, I discussed the pervasive impact of negative beliefs about aging and the life-enhancing benefits of positive age beliefs.   In those posts, I drew on the mind-opening research of Professor Becca Levy, author of Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Will determine How Long and How Well You Live.  In her book, Becca not only explores the potential negative or positive impacts of our beliefs about aging, she also  offers multiple ways to develop a positive mindset that will enable us to live longer and with a better quality of life.  She provides numerous examples of people in different fields who have achieved incredible things in their old age.  Becca stresses the need for each of us to be proactive in building positive beliefs about aging to counteract the influence of ageism which is with us from the time we hear our earliest fairy tales until we experience palliative care. 

The ABC approach to developing positive beliefs about aging

In her book, Becca introduces the ABC Method to liberate us from the socially-derived negative beliefs about aging and free our minds to realise the potential inherent in aging.  Her ABC method incorporates three core elements – awareness, blame and challenge:

A – Awareness

Becca suggests that developing positive age beliefs begins with ourselves, increasing our awareness of our own thoughts and the way this impacts our words and actions.  We can increasingly become conscious of how we speak to people in different age groups – how we positively recognise “age diversity” (rather  than perpetuating “age blindness”).  She recalls that on one occasion, she found herself talking in a childlike manner to older people (“elderspeak”) and immediately pulled herself up and changed the way she spoke to these people.  Her newly  adopted adult-to-adult communication was respectful of the wisdom and experience of the people she was addressing. This is an example of reflection-in-action, a skill we can develop by practising reflection on our actions as a habitual approach. 

Our awareness can develop by building a “portfolio of positive images of aging”.  We can do this by reading newspaper reports and articles about people who have excelled in various fields of endeavour.  Another rich source of positive age images is memoirs written by people who describe their accomplishments in old age despite early childhood setbacks, including traumatic experiences.  An incredible exemplar of this approach to developing positive beliefs is Maya Angelou.  She not only broke new ground in writing memoirs but wrote her seventh memoir, Mom and Me and Mom, in her eighties.  Her accomplishments in many fields such as  poetry, writing, acting, film, singing and activism are memorialised in a website in her name.  Becca cautions us, though, to avoid trying to model ourselves on a single, exceptional older person – she argues that a more attainable goal is to strengthen qualities in ourselves that “older role models” exhibit (such as Maya’s work ethic).

We only have to look around us for positive models of aging amongst our friends, relatives, colleagues, our medical carers and other professionals.  This involves developing relationships with, and paying attention to, people who have aged and yet who continue to contribute positively to their career arena, the local community or society generally.  We can also seek the company of elders.  Nadine Cohen, author of the exquisite, debut novel, Everyone and Everything, actively seeks people of her mother’s and grandparents’ age and finds that she is “usually richer emotionally” because of their counsel and wisdom.  

B – Blame

Becca argues that we should put the blame where it truly belongs – not our biology but the ageism that surrounds us in every facet of our life.  This involves consciously developing awareness of our social environment in our everyday life.  It means being able to identify “negative age stereotypes” perpetuated in education, the arts, medical professions, and in daily conversations with friends, colleagues and family members.

As we develop this external awareness, we can begin to identify the “upstream causes” impacting the health and wellness of the aged. Becca maintains that “age beliefs are an upstream predictor of health and well-being”.  She contends that if we actively develop positive age beliefs we can change our health habits.  This approach is in line with the research that shows that to create new behaviours, we need to challenge the assumptions that underlie old behaviours – it is not enough to practise new behaviours if we want sustainable change.

C- Challenge

Becca recommends challenging ageism in whatever form it takes.  She points out the example of antiageism activist, Ashton Applewhite, author of This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism, and the blog Yo, Is This Ageist?   Ashton is actively and publicly challenging the hidden negative beliefs as they are reflected in newspaper articles, headlines, advertisements, and elsewhere and educating readers by responding to their questions about ageism.  She also has a YouTube channel incorporating her Talk at Google and other presentations addressing ageism.   In her Ted Talk, Let’s End Ageism, she points out that ageism is “a prejudice that pits us against our future selves – and each other”.

While people like Ashton and celebrities such as Madonna and Robert De Niro are speaking out publicly against ageism, Becca contends that we can help to overcome ageism in society if we “call it out” when we encounter any form of ageist remark in the relationship circles in which we move,  Becca recounts her discussion over coffee with Irene Trenholme who at 99 years of age ran the Secondhand Prose bookstore which donated all it profits to the local St. Johnsbury library.  Irene proved to be an exemplar for challenging ageism.  Whenever she encountered an ageist remark or action, she would firmly indicate that this was inappropriate, including challenging her doctor who spoke too loudly to her (assuming that, because of her age, she was “hard of hearing”).

Becca challenges many myths that surround aging and encourages us to take up the task of questioning firmly-held beliefs that have no scientific foundation.  She provides an Appendix in her book which she describes as “ammunition to debunk negative age stereotypes”.  She lists common negative age stereotypes and offers facts (proven by research) that can be used to debunk these stereotypes, including “cognition inevitably declines in old age” and “older persons are technologically challenged”.  In relation to the latter myth, Becca points out that Mildred Dresselhaus innovated the field of nanotechnology in her seventies.

Underlying the assumption that older people are technologically challenged is a foundational ageist myth that I call the “blank slate myth”.   People often assume that those who are older lack any related knowledge, skill or experience in a particular area, e.g. technology.  They forget that the technology they enjoy today was pioneered and developed commercially (long before some were born) by people who are now in their later years.  I am now 77 years of age (2024), but I have a long history of involvement in the development and application of technology in education and the workplace in the 1970’s, 1980’s, 1990’s and early 2000’s:

  • National Project Team – the design and implementation of the first online, national, accounting and management information system in the Australian Taxation Office (1973 -1977);
  • National Project Team – the introduction of word processing and personal computers in the Australian Taxation Office;
  • Role of Director, Computer Operations, Australian Taxation Office, Queensland and the Northern Territory;
  • Sensitive National projects associated with physical computer security and deterrence and detection of computer fraud;
  • Role of National Change Manager for the implementation of online learning and teaching in the Technical and Further Education Institutes across Australia (2000-2004);
  • Role of a Leader in Squidoo – a social media platform developed by Seth Godin (2007-2014);
  • Creator of a 6-month, online Social Media Marketing Course – 24 weekly PDF’s (2010);
  • Creator of e-books on internet marketing, social media marketing and Squidoo marketing strategies (2009-2012);
  • Creator of blogs on affiliate marketing (2005-2012) and small business marketing (2011-2012);
  • Co-Creator with colleagues in Germany and America of the article-based, social media platform, Wizzley.com (2011);
  • Sole author of my current Grow Mindfulness blog (2016 – present; 745 posts).

I spend very little time on social media platforms these days, not because I’m “technologically challenged” but because I have other priorities.  My priorities at the moment are to write my mindfulness blog (1,000 word post per week); co-author a book on “managing people”; and write a memoir.

The “blank slate myth” not only applies to technology but also many other areas of endeavour.  I found that it applies even in social activities.  I still play social tennis in my late seventies and I am often confronted with the manifestation of this myth in our social tennis games.  For example, I recently played with a younger partner who shouted out to me not to hit a shot that was clearly going out (by at least 2 metres), assuming that, through lack of experience (or loss of memory/faculties), I had not been able to judge that the ball would be out.  Having played more than 10,000 sets of tennis (including competitive tennis at an A-Grade level) over more than 60 years, I have a fairly advanced awareness of what shots are going to go out – it’s embedded in my body memory.  I can, for instance, when lobbed by an opposition tennis player, chase down the tennis ball and hit it back over my head and land it in the court (the secret is to face parallel to the back fence of the court so your body knows where it is in relation to the court outline).   To me, the “blank slate myth” defies logic and denies the richness of skills, intuition, insight and reflexes developed over many years.

Reflection

In thinking about the impact of negative and positive age beliefs, I became very conscious that, despite social conditioning, what we believe about aging is up to us – and our beliefs determine our actions. I incorporated this reflection in the following poem that I wrote recently;

The Choices You Make About Aging

If you are positive, you open up your potential –

life’s joys and pleasures are yours to gain.

If you look, you will see what is possible –

aging models of achievement are everywhere.

If you challenge the myths, your mind is freed,

you can pursue your goals without constraint.

If you remember what you have achieved

you can draw on your sense of agency.

If you exercise your mind and body

you can restore your acuity and strength.

As you grow in mindfulness

through reading, research and reflection,

you can become more self-aware

and free of stereotypes, assumptions and insipidness.

What you believe about aging

influences the choices you make.

____________________________________________

Image by GreenCardShow from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

The Benefits of Positive Beliefs About Aging

In a previous post, I discussed the pervasive impact of negative beliefs about aging.  Highlighted in that discussion is the research evidence that negative age beliefs can impact every aspect of our aging process and our quality of life.  In that discussion, I drew on the work of Dr. Becca Levy, a pioneer in the area of successful aging and a world-renowned researcher and Yale Professor.  In her book, Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Will Determine How Long and Well You Live, she contends that it is critical that we address ageism in our society both as individuals and as a collective.  

Becca has a section in the book where she identifies the widespread influence of ageism and calls for “an end to structural ageism” in education, Governmental systems, medicine, mental health, advertising and media, science and the arts.  Ageism prevents people from effectively adapting to the aging process, from taking proactive action to maintain their quality of life, from achieving their potential both mentally and physically, and from realising the benefits that can accrue with age.

The benefits of positive beliefs about aging

In her book, Becca draws on her own research and that of researchers worldwide to demonstrate the numerous benefits of positive age beliefs and illustrates these benefits with stories of outstanding achievements by numerous people in multiple fields of endeavour.  Ageism is based on the assumption that all people who are old experience decline in mental and physical capacity at the same rate and that this decline is inevitable.  Becca’s research and stories of individual achievements demonstrate that each of us can arrest decline, or at least reduce the rate of decline, in our capabilities as we age.  Our beliefs about aging are a key determinant of the choices we make and how long and well we live.

In providing research-based claims about the benefits of positive age beliefs, Becca identifies a number of findings that challenge prevailing myths about the aging process.  Her research demonstrates the following benefits of this positivity:

  • Pattern recognition improves with age so much so that neuroscientist, Daniel Levitin, suggests that radiologists past 60-years old should be preferred to younger people for reading and interpreting X-Rays.  Daniel is the author of the book, Successful Aging: A Neuroscientist Explores the Power and Potential of Our Lives. 
  • Indigenous knowledge and memories held by elders in Indigenous communities that have been passed down in communities around the world to ensure the health and continuity of these communities such as in the Indigenous Australian culture.  This aspect of Indigenous aging was documented by anthropologist Margaret Mead in her book, Culture and Commitment: A Study of the Generation Gap.
  • Functional health is enhanced by positive aging beliefs.  Becca demonstrates that her research and that of her colleagues disprove the assumption of the “stereotype of debility and decline” as the natural outcome of the aging process.  She draws on the example of Sister Madonna Buder, who at the age of 52 undertook her first triathlon with borrowed running shoes – now, at over 90 years old, she continues to compete and has completed in excess of 350 triathlons.  Sister Madonna’s view of aging is that it represents “wisdom and grace” and “opportunity”.
  • Irreplaceable knowledge and understanding can accrue to anyone in a specialised field with experience developed as they age.  Becca illustrates this by discussing the experience of a 75-year-old paediatrician called Jonas who had retired from clinical practice “when he was most skilled”.   A young colleague asked him for his opinion on what was ailing a baby because he could not work it out.  Jonas figured it out “right away”.  His young colleague had an instant insight and asked, “Teach me Doc, how’d you do that?”  Jonas now teaches “medical diagnosis” at a university and participates in group diagnoses of patients in a teaching hospital.  Jonas’s career transition highlights the opportunity for older people to make a significant contribution to society even after retirement – all that it requires is a positive view of aging and a willingness to make adaptions in their career role. Jonas has also acquired new interests and hobbies such as cultivating rare orchards, French cooking, close-up photography and amateur aviation. 
  • Mental health growth – during a placement at a psychiatric hospital, Becca found (contrary to her expectations) that more younger, adult patients suffered from mental illness than older patients and that the latter “can be successfully treated”.  Her own research, confirmed by others around the world, also showed that age beliefs heavily impact the nature and quantity of stressors experienced psychosomatically.  She found that positive age beliefs helped to mitigate the impact of stressors (even in PTSD cases), while negative age beliefs acted as a “barrier to mental health”.
  • Longevity – in a significant research study, Becca found that participants who held positive age beliefs “lived an average of 7.5 years longer” than those who held negative age beliefs. ` Other research has demonstrated that non-biological factors such as age beliefs (and social/cultural environments) “determine as much as 75% of our longevity”.
  • Creativity – contrary to the prevailing stereotype, “creativity often continues and even increases in later life”.  Throughout the book, Becca mentions people who achieved “their most creative work at an older age”, e.g., Matisse, Hitchcock, Einstein, Picasso, Bernstein, Lerman and Dickens.  She also noted that 65 is the average age of a Nobel Prize winner.  Becca also reported the comment of actress Doris Roberts that actresses/actors “get better and better in their craft as they get older”.  Michael Caine CBE is just one example.  Starring in 160 films over 8 decades, he produced an outstanding performance at age 90 in his last film before retirement, The Great Escaper.

In the above discussion of the benefits of positive beliefs about aging, I have only “scratched the surface” of Becca’s research and findings.  However, it is very clear that positive age beliefs can impact us in multiple, beneficial ways – opening up opportunity and the realisation of our true potential.

Reflection

I can relate to Jonas’s experience (recounted above) when applied to a recreational context rather than a professional one.  I have continued to play social tennis in my late seventies and recently I played a half-volley, drop shot that left my much younger partner “gobsmacked”.  He responded, “Wow, how did you do that? Can you teach me to do that shot?”  At the time, I just shrugged but felt like saying:

I can’t teach you as I have never learnt to do that shot – it was purely instinctive, as I was caught “in no man’s land”.  When you have achieved in tennis what I have done – played 10,000 sets of tennis over more than 60 years, practised Tai Chi for years (for balance and coordination), and spent numerous hours doing tennis drills – you, too, will be able to do instinctive tennis shots that surprise others (as well as yourself).

Becca’s comment that creativity can increase in later years also resonates strongly with me.  I started this blog in 2016 (at the age of 70) and have now written more than 740 posts on this blog alone (my fifth blog).  I have reduced my output from three posts per week to one post to enable space and time to conduct manager development workshops (hybrid mode) and to co-author a book with my colleague of 16 years (as our legacy to younger managers and organisational consultants).  I am finding that connections and patterns come to me more rapidly and profusely  as I read and write and I now write an average of 1,000 words per post (compared to the 300 words per post, I started with in 2016).

In her book, Becca recounts the comments of 69 year old creative dancer Liz Lerman who observed that as we grow old we “don’t need  to make major life change to activate creativity’.  In her view, “expanding our connections to people” can create life changes for us and spark renewed creativity.  I have certainly found this with my active participation in the Creative Meetups hosted by the Health Story Collaborative.  

Additionally, I am finding (in terms of creativity) that, as I age and reflect, I am writing more poems that are longer and more complex in structure and scope.  In three days, inspired by Kim Rosen’s book Saved by a Poem,  I have written three poems – previously I wrote four short poems over five years.   One of my recent poems relates to the theme of this blog post and its predecessor about negative age beliefs:

Beliefs About Aging

To be positive, is to see opportunities

To be negative, is to deny potentiality.

Positive age beliefs open new horizons

Negative beliefs hold us captive and inert.

Positivity is openness to reality

Negativity is a closed mindset.

In being positive

Our full potential is possible.

With a grateful heart

I live my positive beliefs.

Reflecting and writing poetry enables us to grow in mindfulness. We come to realise that negative beliefs hold us back.  Through mindfulness practices, we can grow in self-awareness, concentration, creativity and resourcefulness – we can become increasingly aware of what is around us each day and what it is possible to achieve.

Photo Credit: The photo incorporated in this post was by Steve Buissinne, aged 74, from South Africa.  He joined Pixabay in 2014 and has had 556 photos accepted, 148 of which have been singled out as “Editor’s Choice” – a sign of excellence.  His photos have been viewed 32.83 million times, resulting in 19.39 million downloads. Steve’s comment on his Pixabay site demonstrates his mindful awareness of the beauty that surrounds us:

Everything has beauty – photography teaches you to see it

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Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

The Pervasive Impact of Negative Beliefs About Aging

Dr. Becca Levy, Yale professor and world leader in the psychology of aging successfully, has written a groundbreaking book that is brilliant in its conception and exhaustive in its research foundation.  The book is titled Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Will Determine How Long and Well You Live.   Becca draws on global research, undertaken by herself and colleagues in the field, to demonstrate that our age beliefs impact positively or negatively not only our physiology but also our mental health.  Negative age belief, perpetuated through the media and our social environment, can lead to mental and physical ill-health and a diminished quality of life.  In contrast, positive age beliefs can enable us to transcend the limitations of aging in terms of mental acuity, physical strength, flexibility and longevity.  Becca draws on numerous stories of people from all walks of life – artists, musicians, actors, athletes, carers, and health professionals – to illustrate the very real impact of beliefs about aging.

How our negative aging beliefs are formed

Becca demonstrates the impact of nursery rhymes and cartoons on the early formation of our age beliefs.  These typically negative portrayals of aging are further reinforced by social media, films, newspapers and everyday social conversations.  The pervasive marketing of a desirable body image and associated cosmetic propaganda (a Trillion-Dollar industry), have served to embed a negative image of aging in our psyche.   We now have “age-defying” skin treatments that remove wrinkles and make our skin glow, along with a pervasive negative stereotyping of menopause (loss of youthfulness, sexual drive, physical prowess and energy).

The impacts of negative age beliefs on institutions and individuals

The resultant negative age beliefs underpin the growth of ageism – “discrimination against older people because of negative and inaccurate stereotypes”.  This discrimination is reflected in institutional bias, in interpersonal communications and relationships, and self-talk/limiting behaviours.  Becca gives examples of institutional discrimination in employment, the acting and legal professions and hospital protocols.  She explains that her research confirms that many health professionals have negative age beliefs and act on them.  Our language in conversations can betray an ageist mindset, for example, when we talk about “having a senior moment” (Becca devotes a chapter to this phenomenon and highlights the amazing memory of deaf people and the role of memory in the oral transmission of indigenous knowledge).

The last mentioned arena of negative age beliefs, the intrapersonal, is difficult for an individual to realise and acknowledge.  Becca surprised herself by her ageist mindset when she suffered an injury while running in a charity event.  Despite her professional knowledge of aging, she immediately attributed the injury to her middle-aged body “succumbing – all too early – to the ravages of age”.  She assumed that her running days had come to a “premature end”.  It was only when her husband, a doctor, explained that she only had a “badly pulled muscle” that she was able to recognise and acknowledge the personal impact of her negative mindset about aging.  Like many people, Becca was shocked that ageism was influencing her own thinking.

I can relate to Becca’s personal injury story.  I was diagnosed with multilevel spinal degeneration, in part, as a result of playing tennis for more than 60 years, including many years at a competitive level.  My doctor told me that I would have to give up tennis because the injury was the result of “wear and tear”.  Initially, I put the degeneration down to aging (I was 76 years old at the time) and decided that my body was no longer able to cope with the rigours of tennis.  For some reason, unknown to me, I decided to seek a second opinion.  The second medical practitioner gave me a referral to an exercise physiologist who provided me with a series of progressively more challenging exercises over a period of six weeks.  By the end of this period, I was able to return to playing tennis and have been doing so for six months (I play social tennis weekly at night).  This brought home to me that a negative mindset about aging can actually prevent us from exploring and undertaking remedies for health issues. We can adopt a helpless frame of mind that impedes our chances of improving our health, physically and/or mentally. 

Reflection

Becca reveals through her research and storytelling that our negative age beliefs can influence our behaviours, our ability to recover from illness and injury, our quality of life, and life span.  It behoves us to become aware of the influence of ageism on us, to become conscious of our negative thought patterns and to be aware of our resultant limiting behaviours (including our willingness to seek ways of healing).

As we grow in mindfulness through reflection and mindfulness practices such as meditation, we can become more aware of our thought processes and their impact and develop increased self-awareness, including knowledge of our habituated behaviours.   Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield teach us about The Power of Awareness developed through mindfulness meditation.

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Image by John Hain from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.