contentment – Grow Mindfulness

Beyond Happiness: Strategies to Find Contentment

Gregory P. Smith wrote a book explaining the practical steps and strategies that he employed to turn his life around from being friendless, homeless, unemployed and broke to living a life of fulfillment and contentment. His book, Better than Happiness: The True Antidote to Discontent, is a heartfelt exploration of his transformation where he openly discusses his anger, depression, and violence (to himself and others).

Gregory had previously spent 10 years alone in the forest to escape from a society that he found to be superficial, manipulative and harmful. The story of his survival in harsh forest conditions is captured in his book, Out of the Forest, where he explores his survival strategies and self-exploration. His escape to the forest was, in part, a reaction to his traumatic upbringing where he was physically beaten by his father, placed in an orphanage, suffered “negative labelling” by fellow school students, and treated with contempt in youth detention centres. He was unable to sustain employment because of his turbulent lifestyle, drinking to excess and doping on drugs.

Gregory has transformed incredibly completing a PhD, becoming an international speaker and advocate for the homeless and disadvantaged and achieving the Order of Australia award for his community contributions. His story incorporating the Order of Australia Medal award was captured in a 2023 episode of ABC’s Australian Story. Gregory strongly advocates that we do not ignore homeless people but give them a smile of acknowledgement (even if it is risky), as it can change their life.

The process of transformation

Gregory gave up alcohol and drugs and found a way to “become human” again. His process involved much soul-searching and vigilance to avoid “sliding back” and indulging in ‘self-destructive behaviours”. Gregory’s story of transformation is captured in the earlier Australian Story filmed in 2018. He also shared his story in a 2021 TEDx Talk, From Forest Hermit to Professor of Sociology (transcript available through this link).

In discussing his journey in various media and in his books, Gregory highlighted a number of key elements/strategies that enabled him to move beyond happiness to a life of contentment with his very significant social and academic roles and a farmed-based life with his family. These strategies included the following:

Accepting that he had created his own diabolical situation: instead of blaming others for his unhappy life, lack of friendships and homelessness, he began to acknowledge that his adverse situation was the result of choices that had made. Instead seeing himself as a “victim” powerless to change, he recognised that he could turn his life around if only he had the resolve and willingness to do whatever was needed to improve his life and achieve contentment (a positive state beyond happiness). Gregory focused on “acceptance” of what is – the fact that his “deepest wounds were self-inflicted” and that his internal battles had been “destructive.” He needed to develop the serenity to accept what he could not change, build the courage to change the things that were within his control, acquire the wisdom to discern the difference and understand his “locus of control”.
Forming an intention: Gregory resolved at the outset of his changed approach to “be a better man”. This unshakeable resolve led to many changes in the way he viewed the world and people in it. He had to challenge his attitudes and reframe how he thought about himself. Intention forming helped him reshape his life.
Giving up alcohol and drugs: this was a foundational decision in line with his intention. He knew from his experience of alcoholism and addiction that he could not pursue his resolve without giving up the power that alcohol and drugs had over him. He realised, too, that his addictions were an ineffective way to deal with the pain of his traumatic childhood and adolescence. Gregory had to ward off the commercial and social pressures that tried to force him to conform to others’ drinking and drug taking habits. Once he became sober and drug-free, he found that he could begin to think clearly, make sound choices and plan his next steps. However, the journey into sobriety was a difficult one, testing him continuously.
Taking one day at a time: the complexity of the personal changes Gregory had to make were sometimes overwhelming. However, his resolve “to take it one day at a time” enabled him to deal with bite-size chunks in terms of attitude and behavioural change. His philosophy “to begin small” helped him to achieve small personal changes that became reinforcing in terms of the direction he was trying to head in – they also served to build his sense of self-efficacy.
Volunteering with the RSPCA: Gregory had been a forest recluse for 10 years and was consumed by anger and hate as a result of his physical and psychological abuse in early childhood and debilitating detention experienced in adolescence. He did not trust people and found it impossible to talk to them. He decided to take the small step of volunteering with the RSPCA looking after dogs which enabled him to get in touch with the furry animals that he loved but also to begin to engage, slowly but surely, with other volunteers. He also tried Alcohol Anonymous but found that regular participation was not for him – he did acknowledge that on the infrequent occasions he attended a meeting, he learned something from his fellow sufferers.
Gaining an education: Gregory believed that education would open doors for him. Again, he decided to start small and enrolled in a Certificate 1 in Information Technology which when he passed gave him the belief in his ability to study and learn and do well in education. Being “pumped and motivated”, he then enrolled in a bridging course at Southport TAFE which enabled him to eventually enrol in a university course. He decided to undertake a course in sociology at the Coffs Harbour campus of Southern Cross University. This led to an invitation to take on an Honours Degree. His successful achievement of First Class Honours resulted in the offer of a Australian Postgraduate Award Scholarship to do his PhD.
Jettisoning labels: At every stage of his life, Geoffrey had to deal with negative labels. In his book on contentment, he explains the process and difficulty he experienced in “peeling labels”. He realised that negative labels repeated often become a part of your self-perception (almost by osmosis). He had been called “stupid’ throughout his life and was labelled a “sociopath” by a psychologist. He did engage in anti-social behaviour and was violent at stages of his life, but deep down he had an intense desire to do the right thing and be morally upright. Gregory’s ongoing academic achievements served as evidence that the negative labels he had been branded with were, in fact, false and were often promoted by people who were envious of his free thinking and outstanding transformation. There were always naysayers who tried to deter him or belittle his goal to “be a better man”.
Changing attitudes: Gregory had to change his attitudes and particularly the way he viewed other people. Instead of making them conform to his expectations (sometimes violently), he began to acknowledge peoples’ idiosyncrasies and accept that people are different and that is okay. He focused on himself instead and tried to be the best he could be. However, he acknowledged that “changing an attitude requires constant effort and vigilance”.
Being in the present moment: one of the things Gregory learned as a recluse in the rainforest was the power of the “present moment”. Despite the hardship and deprivation he experienced in this reclusive existence, he was able to focus in on the present moment and appreciate the beauty that surrounded him in the plants, birds, trees and mountains. He experienced the Power of Now that was a key learning of Eckhart Tolle during his period of homelessness. Gregory was able to use the power of the present moment to manage the challenges that beset him in his transformation journey.
Managing his anger and resentment: after an angry outburst or physical altercation, Gregory would critically analyse what happened – what were the triggers?; what were his thoughts?; what words and actions did he employ?; what was behind his resentment? He came to realise what Viktor Frankl discovered in the concentration camp that there was a “gap” between a stimulus (such as a trigger) and a response and that real freedom lies in that gap and the power to choose how to react.
Framing his life as a “three-day-week”: Gregory had to resist the natural tendency to dwell on the past (which leads to depression) or to obsess about the future (which leads to anxiety). He adopted the concept of the three-day-week as a way to frame his life – “yesterday, today, tomorrow”. In this way, he could reflect on the day that had passed and take learnings from it, plan his activities for the following day and spend as much time as possible in the present moment.

Reflection

Greg Hassall in writing about how Gregory “survived homelessness, addiction, and abuse” suggested that Gregory’s greatest contribution is to provide a living example of the ability to change and to challenge those who believe that they cannot change because “we are captive to our own histories”.

Gregory argues that “changing who you are is a great adventure” – you need to identify what you will take with you in terms of attitudes and what you have to leave behind. He showed that intention, being in the present moment, critical reflection and education go a long way to facilitating the necessary changes.

As we grow mindfulness through reflection and present moment awareness, we can develop self-awareness and insight, gain the courage and creativity to change and achieve contentment with our life. Gregory reminds us that “contentment takes thought, mindfulness, planning, self-reflection, patience and vigilance”.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Consolidating a Career: Establishing a Career Identity

Angela Duckworth, in her book, Grit: Why passion and perseverance are the secrets to success, describes George E. Vaillant, Professor of Psychology (Harvard Medical School), as an exemplar of “grit”. George was Director of Harvard’s Study of Adult Development for more than 30 years and persisted in data collection and interpretation over those years – mining the “gold” within the longitudinal study undertaken over 75 years. He was particularly enamoured by the richness of such a prospective study which enabled data collection and interpretation as both the circumstances and characteristics of study participants changed over time – information being captured at different age points in their life (such as thirty, fifty, sixty and eighty).

George readily acknowledges that not only did the study participants change over time, but the interpretive framework, including his own evolving understanding, changed as well. He was very conscious of the biological mindset of the early investigators on the research project and his own latter bias towards psychological frameworks. His third book about the study, Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study, illustrates very clearly his personal evolution as well as that of the people undertaking the study – he often acknowledges how his assumptions about an individual’s potential proved to be wrong (based on his prior erroneous reasoning).

Consolidating a career – an evolutionary concept

George was strongly influenced by the adult development framework of Erik Erikson presented in his book, Childhood and Society. In his Pulitzer Prize winning book, Erik identified 8 stages of psychological development, including Stage 5 – Identity Versus Confusion. George attempted to fit the data on the psychological development of his study participants to this stage as described by Erik Erikson. However, George found that while study participants were able to establish a personal identity, they often had not developed a “career identity”. He decided to divide Erik’s “Identity versus Confusion stage” into two separate stages – “Identity” (versus “Identity Diffusion”) and “Career Consolidation” (versus “Role Diffusion”). Identity in George’s terms means “to separate from social, economic, and ecological dependence upon one’s parents”. Career consolidation, on the other hand, leads to “Career Identity” (a state he contrasts with experiencing role diffusion – an inability to commit to a “work” role that provides both personal enjoyment and social contribution).

Career Identity

The outcome of George’s “Career Consolidation” stage is “Career Identity”. He maintains that this stage of adult development involves four key tasks – commitment, compensation, contentment, and competence. George suggests that if all four are not present, then what is often involved is a job, not a career. The tasks of commitment and contentment reflect the perseverance and passion that I discussed as core elements of “grit”. Compensation often reflects competence but George points out that it can be a misleading concept where women’s compensation is involved (because of a lack of equal pay) and also for househusbands who he considered to have a “consolidated career” if commitment, contentment and competence are present (despite the lack of adequate compensation). Effectively, “compensation” is the more flexible element of his Carrer Identity stage.

George also argues that Career Identity involves a basic paradox in that commitment to a career that is sufficiently contributory beyond the self to warrant compensation, is also a “selfish” pursuit in that it requires the self-absorption necessary to develop the requisite competence. He suggests that society is tolerant of both men and women as they attempt to develop the “sense of competence” that underpins Career Identity.

Reflection

When I look at George’s concept of Career Identify, I reflect on my own work life as an academic. I can see that my academic career spanning more than thirty years had each of the four elements present – commitment, contentment, compensation and competence (the latter reinforced by the award of Emeritus Professor on retirement). While many elements of this career and associated identification were personally rewarding, some aspects were not. I enjoyed teaching students, examining Masters and Doctoral Theses and the researching/learning that such a career entailed; however, I did not appreciate the politics of academia that diverted my energy and attention away from my core role(s).

As I grow in mindfulness, through reflection and other mindfulness practices, I have come to value my career and its highlights, to be grateful for the opportunities that it provided (including overseas travel) and for the mentors and supporters (including my parents) who made my progression possible. Without their guidance and belief in my capacity, I would not have been able to achieve this aspect of the Identity Stage of adult development.

One of my mentors, Professor David Limerick, died recently after leading an exemplary life encompassing Career Consolidation, robust self-esteem, love of family, generosity towards others and an enduring love of nature and music. I can readily feel the imprint of his life on my own mindset and personal development, my love of nature and music, and my perspective on organisation change and development. To this day, I appreciate the time and effort he took to enable us to co-author an award-winning article – Transformation Change: Towards an Action Learning Organization (1995 Award for Excellence, The Learning Organization Journal).

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

Developing Mindfulness in Schools

Increasingly mindfulness is being introduced into schools for the benefit of teachers and students. I previously discussed the work of Goldie Hawn and the MindUP program introduced extensively in schools across America. Goldie explained the motivation for her work with schools and the reasons why children need mindfulness in an interview with Tami Simon. The Australia and New Zealand Mental Health Association highlights the need to raise mental health awareness in schools because of the increasing level of mental illness amongst school age children and the adverse effects of social media together with study pressures and performance expectations (of others and themselves). Research strongly supports the benefit of mindfulness for mental health.

Benefits of mindfulness in schools

Research into mindfulness practice in schools demonstrates that both students and teachers benefit. Students develop greater capacity for attention and focus, increased self-awareness and better emotional self-regulation. These outcomes in turn build their self-esteem and reduce stress and the incidence of anxiety and depression. Teachers too experience similar outcomes and develop resilience to deal with setbacks and disappointments. Patricia Jennings, author of Mindfulness for Teachers: Simple Skills for Peace and Productivity in the Classroom, identifies seven ways mindfulness can help teachers along with practices to support these outcomes. These benefits include the capacity to slow down, build better relationships with students and handle difficult students more effectively.

Guidelines for the implementation of mindfulness in schools

The Smiling Mind organisation has developed guidelines based on research into successful implementation of their mindfulness programs in schools. These evidence-based guidelines provide recommendations for the training of teachers and students in mindfulness as well as suggestions re the ideal duration and timing of daily mindfulness practices. They strongly encourage the involvement of teachers in mindfulness practices so that they can act as models and a resource for students. The guidelines recommend a whole-of-school approach to the development of mindfulness in schools, including the active involvement of school leaders and parents (where possible). This wider level of involvement serves as positive reinforcement for the practice of mindfulness by students.

Resources for mindfulness in schools

There is a growing mindfulness resource base for teachers, students and parents. Here is a small sample of what is available:

Free mindfulness app: Smiling Mind offers a free mindfulness app that incorporates meditations and other mindfulness practices for use by teachers, students and parents.
Mindfulness videos and books: Grow Mindfully provides videos and a reading list for teachers and parents.
Mindfulness training programs for teachers and students: Grow Mindfully and Smiling Mind offer these program.
Weekly meditation podcast: The weekly meditation podcast provided by the Mindfulness Awareness Research Center (MARC) covers a wide range of possible meditation topics that can be incorporated in school-based meditations.

Reflection

Developing mindfulness in schools can help both students and teachers deal with the stresses of modern life and help them to enrich their relationships at school, work and home. Modelling by teachers (and ideally by parents) will help to reinforce positive changes in self-awareness and self-regulation achieved by students through mindfulness practices. As students and teachers grow in mindfulness through regular practice, they can experience life more fully and with a greater level of contentment.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Ways to be more Productive and Content

Leo Babauta, expert in forming and sustaining habits, offers multiple ways to be more productive and more content with the way we spend our time. His suggestions can help us to develop a greater sense of purpose, reduce anxiety and build our capacity to do meaningful work. Our contentment can increase as we accomplish more purposeful and meaningful tasks.

Ways to develop productivity and contentment

Leo’s suggestions cover many aspects of our daily life. His ideas are particularly relevant where we find we are procrastinating or feeling unfocused, time-poor or unmotivated:

Put structure into your day: There maybe times when you seem to be just floating, not achieving very much at all, with time passing you by and leaving you with a sense of “What did I really achieve today?” Leo recommends putting some structure into each day so that certain tasks are undertaken at set times and/or for a predetermined period. For example, he sets specific time aside in the morning and the afternoon to process his emails. Your work role may not permit this, but you can identify some aspect of your work that you can structure in each day, e.g. a period for reflection on the day’s work and the outcomes, intended and unintended.
Change your relationship to time: Leo has some very concrete ideas here including being conscious that your life has an endpoint and that your time on earth is limited. Increasing your consciousness about this and reflecting on how you have spent the last six months or year, can help you to value your time and revisit your priorities. He recommends that you see time as a gift not to be wasted but to be used productively and meaningfully. Leo maintains that you can change your relationship to time if you use it joyfully and intentionally and learn to create space to slow down and reflect on how you are using the abundance that time provides.
Dealing with your procrastination: Leo offers strategies to deal with the rationalisations that stop you from undertaking meaningful work or that important task that you keep putting off. He proposes that you face up to these rationalisations, record them and understand them for what they are. He encourages you to fearlessly move beyond these blockages generated by your brain which has an inherent negative bias.
Do the smallest next step towards your meaning work: Your mind can think up innumerable excuses why now is not the right time to take on this uncomfortable task which would add significant meaning to your life and help to improve the life of others. Leo recommends that each day you take the smallest next step that will move you towards your goal of undertaking a meaningful role or task. He also recommends that you revisit your positive intention to maintain your momentum.
Replace negative self-talk with self-praise: You can so easily beat up on yourself for not doing something very well or avoiding something that you should have done. Leo argues that negative self-talk is disabling and can be overcome through kindness to yourself. He strongly encourages the use of self-praise to improve your overall wellness and capacity to make a difference in your world.

Leo’s Zen Habits blog contains innumerable ideas and strategies to build habits that are positive and improve your personal productivity. His approach to dealing with uncertainty can increase your sense of achievement and lead to greater levels of happiness and contentment.

Reflection

Leo offers so many wise and practical ideas that he has developed to turn his own life around. Sometimes we can be overwhelmed by the richness of his ideas and numerous suggestions. The starting point may be building in time each day for the smallest next step that will enable us to move towards our goal of meaningful work. As we build positive habits, in small incremental steps, we can find that our relationship to time changes, our sense of accomplishment increases and our belief in our personal capabilities is enhanced. As we grow in mindfulness through regular meditation and mindfulness practices, we can increase our awareness of our negative self-stories and begin to remove the blockages that stop us from moving forward and making a difference in our world.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk through Kindness to Yourself

Leo Babauta, creator of Zen Habits, recently wrote a comprehensive blog post on the importance of self-kindness to achieve your potential. In his post, How to Be Kind to Yourself & Still Get Stuff Done, emphasised the disabling effects of negative self-talk, the potentiality in releasing yourself from a focus on your deficiencies, defects and mistakes and the power of self-kindness to achieve this release. Leo is a leading expert on the formation and maintenance of healthy and productive habits, the author of Zen Habits: Handbook for Life and the developer of the Fearless Training Program.

How negative self-talk disables you

Your brain has an inherent negative bias, so it is so easy to constantly focus on what you have not done well, your defects and deficiencies and your mistakes. This negative self-talk can lead to depression (regret over the past) and anxiety (about possible future mistakes). It also engenders fear of failure and prevents you from achieving what you can achieve. It serves as an anchor holding you in place and preventing you from moving forward. Negative self-stories, if entertained, can lead to a disabling spiral.

You might find yourself saying things like:

Why did I do that?
What a stupid thing to do!
When will I ever learn?
Why can’t I be like other people, efficient and competent?
If only I could think before I leap!
Why do I make so many mistakes? – no one else does!
If only I was more careful, more useful, more thoughtful or more attentive!

…and so, your self-talk can go on and on, disabling yourself in the process.

Overcoming negative self-talk through self-kindness

Leo suggests that being kind to yourself is a way to negate the disabling effects of negative self-talk that focuses on your blemishes, mistakes or incompetence. He proposes several ways to practise self-kindness:

Give yourself compassion – instead of beating up on yourself when you get things wrong, have some compassion, positive feelings toward yourself whereby you wish yourself success, peace and contentment.
Focus on your good intentions – you may have stuffed up by being impatient in the moment, by a rash or harmful statement or by making a poor decision, but you can still recognise in yourself your good intentions, the effort you put in and the learning that resulted.
Be grateful for what you have – rather than focus on your defects or deficiencies. Gratitude is the door to equanimity and peace. You can focus on the very things you take for granted – being able to walk or run, gather information and make decisions, listen and understand, breathe and experience the world through your senses, be alive and capable, form friendships and positive relationships. You can heighten your experience of the world by paying attention to each of your senses such as smelling the flowers, noticing the birds, hearing sounds, touching the texture of leaves, tasting something pleasant in a mindful way.

I found that when I was playing competitive tennis, that what worked for me was to ignore my mistakes and visually capture shots that I played particularly well – ones that achieved what I set out to achieve. I now have a videotape stored in my mind that I can play back to myself highlighting my best forehands, backhands, smashes and volleys. You can do this for any small achievement or accomplishment. The secret here is that this self-affirmation builds self-efficacy – your belief in your capacity to do a specific task to a high level.

These strategies and ways to be kind to yourself are enabling, rather than disabling. They provide you with the confidence to move forward and realise your potential. They stop you from holding yourself back and procrastinating out of fear that you will make a mistake, make a mess of things or stuff up completely.

Ways to achieve what you set out to accomplish

Leo maintains that being kind to yourself enables you to achieve creative things for yourself and the good of others. He proposes several ways to build on the potentiality of kindness to yourself:

Do positive things: these are what is good for yourself and enable you to be good towards others. They can include things like yoga, meditation, mindful walking, taking time to reflect, Tai Chi, spending time in nature, savouring the development of your children, eating well and mindfully.
Avoid negative things – stop doing things that harm yourself or others. Acknowledge the things that you do that are harming yourself or others. Recognise the negative effects of these harmful words and actions – be conscious of their effects on your body, your mind, your relationships and your contentment. Resolve to avoid these words and actions out of self-love and love for others.
Go beyond yourself – extend your loving kindness to others through meditation and compassionate action designed to address their needs whether that is a need for support, comfort or to redress a wrong they have suffered. Here Leo asks the penetrating question, “Can you see their concerns, feel their pain and struggle, and become bigger than your self-concern and serve them as well?” He argues that going beyond yourself is incredibly powerful because it creates meaning for yourself, stimulates your drive to turn intention into action and brings its own rewards in the form of happiness and contentment – extending kindness to others is being kind to yourself.

Reflection

There are so many ways that we can be kind to our self and build our capacity and confidence to do things for our self as well as others. As we grow in mindfulness, we can become more aware of the negative self-stories that hold us back, be more open and able to be kind to our self, be grateful for all that we have and find creative ways to help others in need. We can overcome fear and procrastination by actively building on the potential of self-kindness. As Leo suggests, self-kindness enables us to get stuff done that we ought to do for our self and others.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Meditation: A Refuge in Difficult Times

Following the mass shootings in the US, Diana Winston provided a meditation podcast on the topic, Finding Refuge in Difficult Times. Diana suggests that we could turn to meditation in these difficult times when we are confronted with senseless violence, international conflict over trade and territories and increased levels of uncertainty and vulnerability. Mindfulness meditation can help us to develop many positive aspects in our lives including gratitude, compassion, calmness and clarity. Diana maintains that in difficult times meditation practice can serve as a refuge for us – a place of quiet, equanimity and loving kindness. Meditation in this context is not escapism but genuine facing of reality to restore our equilibrium and develop resourcefulness to meet the challenges that confront us daily.

Meditation as a refuge

Diana provides a meditation that is designed to achieve a sense of equanimity in difficult times. It addresses today’s challenges and their impact on our thoughts and emotions and, at the same time, provides a means to become grounded, resourceful and open-hearted. There are four main elements to the meditation provided by Diana through MARC (Mindful Awareness Research Center) at UCLA:

Becoming Grounded – this is particularly important given that we can become unhinged, buffeted and disturbed by difficult times experienced in the world at large. Tlhe concept of grounding evokes the image of solid earth underfoot and certainty and support when moving forward. The meditation thus begins with ensuring we have our feet firmly planted on the floor so that we can feel the support of the earth by picturing the solid earth below us. Out attention then moves to the firmness and uprightness of our back against the chair. This feeling of solidity reinforces our sense of groundedness. This, in turn, can be strengthened by focusing attention on the solid contact of our body with the seat of the chair.
Breathing – breath is our life force and we take around 20,000 breaths a day. It is a good thing that we do this unconsciously, without having to think or be focused. However, focusing on our breath, paying attention to the act of breathing, is an important way of becoming grounded in life. This stage of the meditation involves focusing on our in-breath and out-breath and the space in between. It does not involve controlling our breath but just paying attention to what is happening naturally for us, despite the absence of conscious effort. You can feel energy tingling in your fingers if you join them together while paying attention to your breath and this can serve as an anchor throughout the day whenever you feel the need to re-establish a sense of equilibrium and equanimity. Accessing your boundless, inner energy resources in this way can build your ongoing resourcefulness and resilience.
Acceptance – accepting what is and what we are experiencing. This means owning our thoughts and feelings and acknowledging that reactions such as anxiety, concern, fear, uncertainty or doubt are normal, given the difficult world we live in. It does not involve passivity, however, but noticing our reactions, not denying them nor indulging them. It means handling our natural responses non-judgmentally and seeking to accept what is happening for us. Diana suggests that we can even express this as a conscious desire such as, “May I accept what is”.
Offering compassion – this involves being empathetic towards people who are suffering – for example, as a result of a major adverse event. Compassionate action in this situation can involve loving kindness meditation embracing all who are affected by a significant adverse event – extending to family, friends, colleagues, emergency responders and the community at large. We can express the desire that all who are directly affected are protected from inner and outer harm; develop good health; find contentment and happiness; and experience the ease of wellness.

As we grow in mindfulness through meditation and grounding ourselves, we can learn to accept what is, access our inner resources and build our resourcefulness and resilience to face the difficult challenges of daily living in a complex and conflicted world.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Savor The Space Of Being Alone

People who experience loneliness as a constant state are prone to all kinds of issues such as disinterest, disengagement and depression as well as physical illness. The feeling of loneliness is a serious issue today, not only for older people but also the young, including school children.

People can feel lonely even in a crowd or large group if they feel they do not belong, especially if no one reaches out to them with compassion to draw them into the wider circle. The UK Government is so concerned about the impact of loneliness on people’s health and welfare that they have appointed a Minister of Loneliness.

Gretchen Rubin points out, however, that being alone is not the same as loneliness which feels draining, distracting, and upsetting. In her view, being alone or experiencing solitude can be peaceful, creative and restorative – it all depends on how you use the time when alone. Gretchen is the author of The Happiness Project.

Introverts may crave time alone after suffering extended periods of exposure to others; extroverts, on the other hand, may crave the company of friends because they derive their energy from social interaction.

Whether we are introverts or extroverts, we can have the tendency to use alone-time to occupy ourselves rather than confront ourselves. We may experience boredom and look for ways to allay this feeling rather than savor the opportunity and freedom it presents.

Being alone creates the space and opportunity to attend to our own internal and external environment. We can get in touch with our own feelings, rather than ignore them; we can question who we are and what we stand for, rather than hiding from ourselves. This exploration of our internal landscape may turn up some unpleasant findings, but we are then in a position to deal with the issues involved.

We can also really take notice of our external environment – getting in touch with all our senses in a peaceful and calming way. Haruki Murakami, author of Norwegian Wood, gives a wonderful illustration of focus on the sense of sight when one of his characters describes what he sees:

Every now and then, red birds with tufts on their heads would flit across our path, brilliant against the blue sky. The fields around us were filled with white and blue and yellow flowers, and bees buzzed everywhere. Moving ahead, one step at a time, I thought of nothing but the scene passing before my eyes. (p.180)

You can sense the contentment expressed here – something that we can experience in our time alone.

The 5 minute gratitude practice advanced by Elaine Smookler enables us to use our outer landscape to explore our inner world of feelings, especially of appreciation. This is an excellent way to use the space in our lives provided by being alone.

Being alone frees us from the need to talk, to engage with others, or to follow the conversation. It provides the opportunity to explore within and without.

As we grow in mindfulness through meditation we will be better able to savour being alone and the opportunity it provides to explore our inner and outer landscape. This can be a source of self-awareness and other-awareness, of contentment and of appreciation and gratitude.

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Making a Difference Through Mindfulness

One of the things that we often fail to realise is what impact our own consciousness has on people around us – how we can make a real difference through being mindful.

Paulo Coelho captures this principle in his book, The Alchemist:

That’s what alchemists do. They show that, where we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too. (The Alchemist, p.150)

Recent research reinforces the fact that our moods are contagious – so if we are happy and calm, then we can positively impact those around us. We can make a difference in other people’s lives by living mindfully – by developing our emotional intelligence and building our sense of gratitude and contentment.

Joseph Folkman, who has made a personal study of the contagiousness of mood and engagement, reminds us:

Since doing this research, I have begun thinking about the fact that every interaction I have with other people can be inspiring and building, or discouraging and frustrating. We can build others up or tear them down.

The impact of our mindfulness can spread to our social network just as a person’s grief can impact those connected to them to “three degrees of separation” (friends of friends of friends) – like the concentric ripples that result when a stone drops into a pool of water. Nicholas Christakis has studied this ripple effect over 15 years and demonstrated the pervasive influence of social networks. His study can explain the growth of obesity, drug use and depression within a social network over time.

Whether we are conscious of it or not, our mindfulness can impact others in a positive way and make a real difference in their lives. This was recently reinforced for me with the death of a friend, Pam Kruse. People from all walks of life and different phases in her life, expressed their appreciation and gratitude for her sense of fun and humour, her zest for life, her thoughtfulness, her energy and readiness to serve others in a generous and unassuming manner. In a lot of ways, Pam epitomized the “servant-leader“.

So let the warmth of your smile and your sense of contentment shine on those around you, just as the setting sun brightens the darkness of the night sky.