Grow Mindfulness – By Dr. Ron Passfield

Beyond Happiness: Strategies to Find Contentment

Gregory P. Smith wrote a book explaining the practical steps and strategies that he employed to turn his life around from being friendless, homeless, unemployed and broke to living a life of fulfillment and contentment. His book, Better than Happiness: The True Antidote to Discontent, is a heartfelt exploration of his transformation where he openly discusses his anger, depression, and violence (to himself and others).

Gregory had previously spent 10 years alone in the forest to escape from a society that he found to be superficial, manipulative and harmful. The story of his survival in harsh forest conditions is captured in his book, Out of the Forest, where he explores his survival strategies and self-exploration. His escape to the forest was, in part, a reaction to his traumatic upbringing where he was physically beaten by his father, placed in an orphanage, suffered “negative labelling” by fellow school students, and treated with contempt in youth detention centres. He was unable to sustain employment because of his turbulent lifestyle, drinking to excess and doping on drugs.

Gregory has transformed incredibly completing a PhD, becoming an international speaker and advocate for the homeless and disadvantaged and achieving the Order of Australia award for his community contributions. His story incorporating the Order of Australia Medal award was captured in a 2023 episode of ABC’s Australian Story. Gregory strongly advocates that we do not ignore homeless people but give them a smile of acknowledgement (even if it is risky), as it can change their life.

The process of transformation

Gregory gave up alcohol and drugs and found a way to “become human” again. His process involved much soul-searching and vigilance to avoid “sliding back” and indulging in ‘self-destructive behaviours”. Gregory’s story of transformation is captured in the earlier Australian Story filmed in 2018. He also shared his story in a 2021 TEDx Talk, From Forest Hermit to Professor of Sociology (transcript available through this link).

In discussing his journey in various media and in his books, Gregory highlighted a number of key elements/strategies that enabled him to move beyond happiness to a life of contentment with his very significant social and academic roles and a farmed-based life with his family. These strategies included the following:

Accepting that he had created his own diabolical situation: instead of blaming others for his unhappy life, lack of friendships and homelessness, he began to acknowledge that his adverse situation was the result of choices that had made. Instead seeing himself as a “victim” powerless to change, he recognised that he could turn his life around if only he had the resolve and willingness to do whatever was needed to improve his life and achieve contentment (a positive state beyond happiness). Gregory focused on “acceptance” of what is – the fact that his “deepest wounds were self-inflicted” and that his internal battles had been “destructive.” He needed to develop the serenity to accept what he could not change, build the courage to change the things that were within his control, acquire the wisdom to discern the difference and understand his “locus of control”.
Forming an intention: Gregory resolved at the outset of his changed approach to “be a better man”. This unshakeable resolve led to many changes in the way he viewed the world and people in it. He had to challenge his attitudes and reframe how he thought about himself. Intention forming helped him reshape his life.
Giving up alcohol and drugs: this was a foundational decision in line with his intention. He knew from his experience of alcoholism and addiction that he could not pursue his resolve without giving up the power that alcohol and drugs had over him. He realised, too, that his addictions were an ineffective way to deal with the pain of his traumatic childhood and adolescence. Gregory had to ward off the commercial and social pressures that tried to force him to conform to others’ drinking and drug taking habits. Once he became sober and drug-free, he found that he could begin to think clearly, make sound choices and plan his next steps. However, the journey into sobriety was a difficult one, testing him continuously.
Taking one day at a time: the complexity of the personal changes Gregory had to make were sometimes overwhelming. However, his resolve “to take it one day at a time” enabled him to deal with bite-size chunks in terms of attitude and behavioural change. His philosophy “to begin small” helped him to achieve small personal changes that became reinforcing in terms of the direction he was trying to head in – they also served to build his sense of self-efficacy.
Volunteering with the RSPCA: Gregory had been a forest recluse for 10 years and was consumed by anger and hate as a result of his physical and psychological abuse in early childhood and debilitating detention experienced in adolescence. He did not trust people and found it impossible to talk to them. He decided to take the small step of volunteering with the RSPCA looking after dogs which enabled him to get in touch with the furry animals that he loved but also to begin to engage, slowly but surely, with other volunteers. He also tried Alcohol Anonymous but found that regular participation was not for him – he did acknowledge that on the infrequent occasions he attended a meeting, he learned something from his fellow sufferers.
Gaining an education: Gregory believed that education would open doors for him. Again, he decided to start small and enrolled in a Certificate 1 in Information Technology which when he passed gave him the belief in his ability to study and learn and do well in education. Being “pumped and motivated”, he then enrolled in a bridging course at Southport TAFE which enabled him to eventually enrol in a university course. He decided to undertake a course in sociology at the Coffs Harbour campus of Southern Cross University. This led to an invitation to take on an Honours Degree. His successful achievement of First Class Honours resulted in the offer of a Australian Postgraduate Award Scholarship to do his PhD.
Jettisoning labels: At every stage of his life, Geoffrey had to deal with negative labels. In his book on contentment, he explains the process and difficulty he experienced in “peeling labels”. He realised that negative labels repeated often become a part of your self-perception (almost by osmosis). He had been called “stupid’ throughout his life and was labelled a “sociopath” by a psychologist. He did engage in anti-social behaviour and was violent at stages of his life, but deep down he had an intense desire to do the right thing and be morally upright. Gregory’s ongoing academic achievements served as evidence that the negative labels he had been branded with were, in fact, false and were often promoted by people who were envious of his free thinking and outstanding transformation. There were always naysayers who tried to deter him or belittle his goal to “be a better man”.
Changing attitudes: Gregory had to change his attitudes and particularly the way he viewed other people. Instead of making them conform to his expectations (sometimes violently), he began to acknowledge peoples’ idiosyncrasies and accept that people are different and that is okay. He focused on himself instead and tried to be the best he could be. However, he acknowledged that “changing an attitude requires constant effort and vigilance”.
Being in the present moment: one of the things Gregory learned as a recluse in the rainforest was the power of the “present moment”. Despite the hardship and deprivation he experienced in this reclusive existence, he was able to focus in on the present moment and appreciate the beauty that surrounded him in the plants, birds, trees and mountains. He experienced the Power of Now that was a key learning of Eckhart Tolle during his period of homelessness. Gregory was able to use the power of the present moment to manage the challenges that beset him in his transformation journey.
Managing his anger and resentment: after an angry outburst or physical altercation, Gregory would critically analyse what happened – what were the triggers?; what were his thoughts?; what words and actions did he employ?; what was behind his resentment? He came to realise what Viktor Frankl discovered in the concentration camp that there was a “gap” between a stimulus (such as a trigger) and a response and that real freedom lies in that gap and the power to choose how to react.
Framing his life as a “three-day-week”: Gregory had to resist the natural tendency to dwell on the past (which leads to depression) or to obsess about the future (which leads to anxiety). He adopted the concept of the three-day-week as a way to frame his life – “yesterday, today, tomorrow”. In this way, he could reflect on the day that had passed and take learnings from it, plan his activities for the following day and spend as much time as possible in the present moment.

Reflection

Greg Hassall in writing about how Gregory “survived homelessness, addiction, and abuse” suggested that Gregory’s greatest contribution is to provide a living example of the ability to change and to challenge those who believe that they cannot change because “we are captive to our own histories”.

Gregory argues that “changing who you are is a great adventure” – you need to identify what you will take with you in terms of attitudes and what you have to leave behind. He showed that intention, being in the present moment, critical reflection and education go a long way to facilitating the necessary changes.

As we grow mindfulness through reflection and present moment awareness, we can develop self-awareness and insight, gain the courage and creativity to change and achieve contentment with our life. Gregory reminds us that “contentment takes thought, mindfulness, planning, self-reflection, patience and vigilance”.

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Image by Patty Jansen from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Wintering: Finding Light in the Darkness

I belong to an online group that meets once a month to share their stories of chronic illness and healing, both orally and in writing. These Creative Meetups are sponsored by the Health Story Collaborative (HSC) and are designed to enable participants to access the healing power of storytelling.

In our December Meetup, Jennifer Harris (our facilitator) introduced the theme of the winter solstice and the related concept of moving from darkness to light. The winter solstice is the time of the year when we experience the longest night and shortest day, signalling the transition from Winter to Spring. The event occurs at different times in the Northern Hemisphere (December) and the Southern Hemisphere (June).

Throughout history, the symbolism of the transition from darkness to light, represented by the winter solstice, has been celebrated around the world through rituals and festivals. There is also a very rich core of poetic expression around the theme of the winter solstice revealing the embedded sub-themes of rest, recuperation, replenishment and transformation.

Winter too is a time of transition for animal and plant life. Animals, for example, often withdraw from the bitter cold of winter and undergo some change in their habitat, feeding and outward appearance. They will prepare and change to meet the challenge of winter and, in some cases, hibernate so that they can survive.

The challenge of winter and wintering – moving from darkness to light

Katherine May, captures the essence of the challenge of transitioning from darkness to light in her book, Wintering: The power of rest and retreat in difficult times. She recounts her personal story of dealing with darkness in her life and her struggle to discover the light that would lead to her transformation. Katherine initially treated the advent of darkness in her life as a source of humiliation but came to realise that the darkness, like the transition from day to night, is “inevitable”.

Darkness for Katherine descended in the form of illness- undiagnosed autism and depression, as well as death in the family. She found the resultant involuntary period “lonely and painful”. Her tendency, like that of many others, was to withdraw, hide from public view and “show a brave face” whenever she could not avoid appearing in public.

Ivan Cleary, Head Coach of the Penrith NRL team, who suffered from depression during his football coaching career, found it a “humbling experience” and sought to hide the fact and withdraw from interaction with people. However, he found strong social support through his wife, Bec, and family members. After his second bout of depression, he learned to share his story with others and to model openness about his condition for the welfare of his players. Katherine, too, found that sharing her story, rather than hiding away, was healing. In telling her story to others, she found that there was a “shared thread in their story and mine”.

Learning to invite winter in

After a period of resistance, Katherine learned that “wintering” was a process of reflection and renewal and she gained a sense of “its length and breadth”. She began to understand that wintering was “not the death of a life cycle but its crucible”. She was able to recognise the wintering process and “engage with it mindfully and even cherish it”.

Katherine realised that inviting the winter in involved acceptance of her current health condition (and the nature of the human condition) while making adjustments to achieve ”a comfortable way to live till Spring”. She found that wintering could create insightful and profound moments in her life. Katherine concluded that “wisdom resides with those who have wintered”. Novelist Olga Tokarczuk reinforces this view in her book, Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead, when she has a key character conclude that “sometimes I think that only the sick are truly healthy”.

My own recent darkness

Over the past month, I have experienced a personal winter and attendant darkness. My daily life was upended by several concurrent events:

A friend and colleague dying of cancer
A close friend and co-author/co-facilitator (over 16 years) suffering a major stroke
A serious illness of one of my adult sons
A major flare-up of my MCAS-fuelled dermatitis.

As a result of these events, I have experienced grief, sadness, frustration, panic, and debilitation. The social support of my Creative Meetup group, where I have shared my story online, has helped me cope with these challenges. I am slowly emerging from the darkness as I acknowledge and accept my condition and begin to reach out to let the light in.

Letting the light in

During our Creative Meetup session focused on the winter solstice theme, Jennifer suggested that we write a letter to ourself, our body and/or the year ahead about what it means to let the light in. I found that I was able to identify some ways that the light was beginning to penetrate my darkness:

Discovered the power of intentional breathing
Became aware of a new hyper-sensitivity to soy products
Discovered that an infection from a tick bite contributed to my flare-up (resulting in the MMA allergy – Mammalian Meat Allergy)
Gained a referral to a specialist allergist to understand and manage my MCAS
Received strong support, TLC and understanding from my wife
Revisited the healing power of nature through Louie Schwartzberg’s visual meditations incorporated in 21 Days of Gratitude
Drew on the inspiration of my son’s resilience
Obtained medical assistance from a hospital Emergency Department.

Reflection

It appears that wintering is a natural part of the human condition. Our normal tendency is to deny our condition and to hide it from public view, whatever form our darkness takes at different stages of our life cycle. However, if we engage our winter mindfully and embrace its learning opportunities, we can experience renewal and growth, increasingly realizing our human potential. Katherine reminds us that there can be “a quick onset” of winter or a “slow drip”. Whatever way it occurs, we can use the inherent challenge of darkness to grow in mindfulness and emerge into the light, wiser and more resilient.

I created the following poem after reflecting on our discussion of the winter solstice and reading Katherine’s book on “Wintering”:

Letting the Light In

The darkness engulfs me:
a major stroke suffered by a close friend,
the death of a colleague,
serious illness of a relative,
MCAS flare up – dermatitis gone mad,
the light blocked out.

Wintering brings wisdom, resilience and regeneration:
without winter, there is no transformation,
without breath, there is no life,
without darkness, there is no transition to light,
without challenge, there is no growth,
without sickness, there is little wisdom.

Letting the light in:
accepting what is,
seeking out glimmers,
searching out options,
acknowledging the power within and without,
accessing agency to accelerate healing,
admiring the resilience of the healing journey of others,
savouring accomplishments achieved under difficulties,
connecting with others to gain strength.

Being gentle with myself:
sustaining my heart in the midst of heartlessness,
searching for hope in a poem,
seeking intimacy and connection,
finding sustenance in writing poetry,
expressing chronic pain and frustration,
sharing my story with others,
adjusting my expectations,
savouring freedom and life,
meditating on nature.

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Image Source: Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Managing People with Confidence

I have been co-authoring a book with my colleague, Julie Cork. The book, Managing People with Confidence (to be published in 2025), is based on our co-facilitated, longitudinal, manager development program. We have conducted the 4-6 month Action Learning Program together for the past 16 years. The book is based on our experience of working with over 2,000 managers and draws on the Resources Book that we have co-authored and provided to Program participants.

I found it intriguing to read Ivan Cleary’s memoir, Not Everything Counts but Everything Matters. Ivan states very clearly that everything that you do as a leader/coach matters, whether you are in the public eye or not – it matters intensely to your team members. In our Manager Development Program and co-authored book, we make the fundamental point that as a manager “what you say and do and how you say it and do it” matters – it shapes your team and your team culture. We emphasise the need to manage mindfully – being conscious of the impact of your words and actions on members of your team. Ivan reinforces this message by sharing his own learning experiences as a leader and coach.

There are many elements to Ivan’s book about how he led Penrith to three consecutive premierships (despite early career failures and depression) that resonate very strongly with our long established approach to managing people with confidence. Below are some of the elements that we have in common with Ivan when writing about managing people:

Consciously creating a team culture: Ivan spends considerable space in his book stressing the critical importance of consciously establishing a team culture based on mutual respect, commitment and behavioural norms. Our Program emphasised this cultural element very strongly. We encouraged manager participants to think explicitly about the kind of team culture they are trying to cultivate and provided them with a model for developing a productive and mentally healthy team culture.
Building trust in the team: Ivan reiterates this time and again because it develops relationships and connection – so that people have a sense of belonging and become focused on the success and wellbeing of the playing team and all team members (including, in Ivan’s case, his Assistant Coaches and other staff). He emphasises the importance of leadership accountability and authenticity, involving honesty and owning your mistakes. We encapsulate these themes in our book by emphasising “congruence” – aligning your actions as a manager with your words. It means not just espousing values but personally acting on them so that you model your desired cultural values in your own behaviours, in your words and actions. This congruence, in turn, builds trust.
Giving positive feedback – in his early career, Ivan failed to do this and acknowledged in his book that it negatively impacted team members. He came to realise the power of positive feedback, acknowledging individual’s contribution to the overall positive team outcomes. The contributions will differ among players and non-playing staff but each person has a role to play for team cohesion and success and this needs to be acknowledged through positive, timely, sincere feedback by the leader/coach. It’s through positive feedback that we build employee’s self-belief and self-efficacy. In this way, we can also reinforce the desired values and related behavioural norms of our team.
Proving corrective feedback – failing to do this, can lead to self-deception and misconceptions on the part of an individual team member. Honest, open corrective feedback reinforces cultural norms, builds self-awareness and helps people make the quality contribution that they are capable of. Like Ivan, in our long-running Program and book, we have emphasised the need to provide such feedback face-to-face and in private to facilitate understanding and acceptance of the feedback.
Being vulnerable to encourage openness by team members: Ivan shared with team members (and in his book) that fact that he had experienced debilitating depression and anxiety at various stages in his career as an elite footballer and coach. By sharing his own vulnerability, he encouraged his team members to “speak up” about their personal difficulties and to draw on the social support of family members, friends and therapists. As managers, we can build trust and openness in our team by acknowledging our own vulnerability and sharing strategies to develop positive mental health.
Developing individual and team resilience: by providing stretch and helping people to use challenges to build character and grow in confidence in facing inevitable setbacks. In this way, we enable team members to grow and develop exponentially on all fronts – intellectually, physically and emotionally. In our Program and book, we provide specific strategies for building team resilience, through an approach we call “the 10 C’s”. Managerial congruence is foundational to this approach.
Delegating to team members and support staff: a fundament challenge for the leader/manager is to be able to “let go” to enable employees to grow and develop and learn through their own mistakes. In our book, we highlight the power of delegation and the disablement of others (and ourselves) that occurs when we fail to delegate. Ivan acknowledged that he learnt the hard way by trying to do it all himself. He recognises now that trusting others to perform and achieve builds connection, competence, respect and self-belief.
Mindfulness to overcome depression and anxiety: Ivan stresses the importance of being able to stay in the present moment to avoid experiencing depression (by focusing negatively on the past) or anxiety (by focusing negatively on the future). He discusses ways that different elite athletes have used mindfulness to restore their focus and concentration (away from negative-self-talk) in the middle of challenging encounters (with others or their own mistakes). Ivan reiterates the importance of mindfulness for “high performance” and positive mental health. Our own book and related manager development Program provides reflections and strategies to build managerial mindfulness, incorporating both reflection-on-action and reflection-in-action (the latter described by Ivan as “practising mindfulness in the middle of the football field” (e.g. joining our fingers to feel the warm of the blood flow in our hands). He maintained that so much of his day as Head Coach with the Penrith NRL team is taken up with providing information to players or “mindfulness practices”. Mindfulness helps us to become grounded and firmly focused on the present moment.

Reflection

Both Ivan’s book and our manager development Program and book (currently in production) reinforce the power of mindfulness. As we grow in mindfulness through reflection and mindfulness practices we can develop self-awareness, build resilience and grow in self-belief and creativity.

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Image by John Hain from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Breathe for Health

James Nestor’s book, Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, encourages us to breathe with intention. Drawing on the latest research in physiology, psychology, biochemistry and pulmonology (specialising in the respiratory system, including lungs and airways) to put forward the case for us to make a concerted effort to improve our breathing. He argues, with solid evidence, that deficient breathing underlies many health issues such as hypertension, migraine, asthma, anxiety, depression, scoliosis, and allergy. James even provides an additional bibliography of research he has undertaken beyond the publication of his book.

James describes in his book how he often used himself as a research subject, on occasions accompanied by fellow researcher, Anders Olsson. In a video podcast interview, Anders describes their joint “Mouth Breathing Experiment”. He contends as a result of research with athletes that “mouth breathing can put the body into a state of stress that can make us more quickly fatigued and sap athletic performance”.

Both James and Anders advocate for nose breathing over mouth breathing and explore the benefits of the former along with the health issues caused by the latter. James’ book draws on a wealth of research to support their position in advocating nose breathing. James also explores the benefits of efficient exhaling, holding your breath and chewing effectively.

Based on his extensive research, James contends in his book that breathing techniques developed over thousands of years have multiple benefits – they provide us with the means to balance our minds and moods, boost blood flow, straighten our bodies and stretch our lungs. He maintains that, in consequence, these breathing practices enable us “to sleep better, run faster, swim deeper, live longer, end evolve further”.

Breathing exercises

James draws on ancient breathing practices to provide a compendium of breathing exercises that can be undertaken by anyone. The written descriptions of these practices provided in his book are supported by breathing video tutorials on James’s website.

Some of the breathing practices covered in his book include:

Yogic breathing (also described in a video on his website) – involving consciously inhaling into the stomach, lower rib cage and the chest followed by exhaling in the opposite sequence.
Box breathing – for achieving calm and focus in situations that are tense. This entails a sequence of inhaling, holding, exhaling and holding, each to a count of four.
Resonant breathing – achieves coherence between lungs, heart and circulation thus maximising the body’s performance. Fundamentally, this breathing practice involves inhaling softly for 5.5 seconds and exhaling for the same period.
Breathing coordination – increases the efficiency of the respiratory system. Involves breathing through the nose for a count of ten (counting out softly as you go), then doing a similar process for exhaling (allowing a quiet tapering of the voice as the lung completely empties).

Reflection

James’ book highlights the fact that we unconsciously breathe 25,000 times day and we often breathe too quickly, too shallowly and without resting in a holding pattern – all of which places strain on our body and our individual organs. As we grow in mindfulness through breathing with intention, we can attain calm, clarity and good health.

I wrote the following poem after reflecting on James’ book and our Creative Meetup discussion of “breathing”:

Until Our Last Breath

They talk of…
“The War to End All Wars”.
Yet we go on killing others and ourselves.
Life goes on…until it doesn’t.

Waves approach and recede,
slapping the shore,
with echoes of times past,
the rhythm of life.

A new day dawning,
the sun rises lighting the sky,
birds twitter,
the sky changes hues.

We breathe in and out,
chest and abdomen rising and falling,
life-giving energy and healing,
we take for granted.

Yet in slowing and lessening our breathing,
we heal ourselves,
extend our lives,
grow our insight and wisdom.

Breath is the ease of life
until we struggle,
obstructed by our ignorance,
overcome by the vicissitudes of living.

Breath is our life,
until our last breath.

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Image by Tung Lam from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Managing Chronic Illness

The November Creative Meetup was facilitated by Jennifer Crystal, author of One Tick Stopped the Clock. Jennifer is a “story coach” with the Health Story Collaborative which hosts the online Meetups. She also conducts the Writing to Heal Immersive at the Grubb Street Center for Creative Writing. Jennifer has a long history in writing about her experience with Lyme Disease and sharing her knowledge with others who have contracted the disease and other tick-born illnesses. Since 2013, she has been the writer of a weekly column for the Global Lyme Alliance and her enlightening and inspiring blog posts can be found on the Alliance website.

Jennifer’s medical journey

Jennifer was bitten by a tick on a camp when she was 19 years old but had to experience many frustrating years of misdiagnosis. At 25 years of age, she was finally diagnosed with Lyme Disease which led to the Epstein-Barr virus (EBV) infection that causes Mononucleosis. Jennifer was bed-ridden and experienced multiple symptoms that doctors had not been able to explain. In her period of misdiagnosis, she was variously told “to rest”, “eat things close to the ground” (e.g. chicken and turkey), and “talk about your feelings” (assuming that the illness was psychosomatic, not real). Grace Currey from Australia (bitten by a tick in the US) provides a vivid description of what it was like to have Lyme disease that was not recognised by medical professionals in her home country.

Jennifer Crystal had a five-year journey to wellness and remission of the Lyme disease. However, she then had to experience a “searing relapse” and eventually found a new balance and developed her teaching-coaching career. Earlier, she was unable to commit to relief teaching because of her inability to guarantee that she could manage physically or emotionally. She is now a leading proponent of the multiple benefits of sharing your health story and teaches people how to write-to-heal.

Stimulus questions during the Creative Meetup

Typically the Creative Meetups begin with a writing stimulus of some kind such as a poem, article or book extract. Jennifer introduced herself to the group and read a few brief sections from her book which served as a basis for creative writing by group members and story sharing in the group. Jennifer’s stimulus questions flowed naturally from her book extracts:

Write about a time when you felt brushed off and what you wished that person could have seen on the inside, or
Pick a single object related to your story and write about it in a poem or prose – see where it takes you!

These were both challenging and fruitful questions that led to some insightful, creative writing by the group and follow-on sharing and discussion. The level of creativity, resilience and insight in the group always amazes me. The Creative Meetup process illustrates the healing power of storytelling and demonstrates the benefits of this approach to “narrative medicine”.

Jennifer’s healing strategies

Besides the medical solution of months of antibiotics, Jennifer identified the need to change her mindset about her chronic illness. She adopted a number of strategies to achieve this:

Integrating chronic illness into her life – she established a “new normal” which addressed the question, “How to live well in the context of a chronic illness?”. This very much involved self-acceptance and avoiding denial. It also meant acknowledging that there was “no going back”.
Shedding an identity made impossible by the chronic illness – Jennifer’s dream was to become a skiing instructor – a role very much tied up with her self-image and personal goals. This identity was no longer possible given her disabilities precipitated by her chronic illness. She had to shed her ”skier instructor identity” and find a new sense of self. She asked herself the question, “if I can’t [follow this dream], who am I?”. This required her to value herself for who she was, not who she might be or could become. She recognised that she was still a caring person, who had friends that she connected with, and was still a writer.
Pacing herself – slowing down and recognising that she needed frequent sleep and suffered from brain fog and other debilitating symptoms. It meant napping each day, taking on freelance writing, listening to her body and sharing the load by moving in with her parents. It also meant building stamina gradually, not trying to achieve her previous “workaholic” status. It required her to accept that things would take much longer than previously to complete and that healing from chronic illness is not a linear process, but an undulating journey of indeterminate length.
Learning to say “no” – part of self-care during chronic illness is to being able to say “no”. Jennifer reiterated the view that “No is a complete sentence”. Saying “no” enables us to set personal boundaries. Jennifer encouraged us not to fall into the “explanation trap”, which itself consumes energy and can lead to exhaustion and frustration. We don’t have to explain everything or give a reason for our “no”. She suggested that we could use her phrase, “No, that would not be healthy for me now”.
Writing – the process of writing enables our inner landscape to become outer, to express the feelings that are hidden inside us. Writing can change our mindset and create freedom. Initially, Jennifer could not write about her illness and all that it entailed, so she concentrated on writing to her friends and family. Eventually, she was able to address the issues of her chronic illness, including the challenge of “not being seen” or understood. She found that writing enabled her to be more honest and vulnerable. It helped other people to see the effects of chronic illness and to become more compassionate in their interactions with others.
Joining a community – the Health Story Collaborative (HSC), for example, provides a community where people are encouraged to share their health stories either verbally or in writing. Their Creative Meetups are one form of regular online interaction in a community that provides social support and encouragement. Jennifer found that undertaking a course in creative writing enabled her to share her chronic illness with her classmates who did not judge her, were in a learning mode too and were exploring making the “inner world” visible. She also noticed that people were better able to assimilate information about an individual’s chronic illness when it was shared in written form.

Reflection

In the discussion that followed the creative writing of participants, one major issue emerged. This involved people not understanding the hurt that their well-intentioned words can cause to someone who is suffering from chronic illness. Comments such as “You look good” or “You don’t look ill to me” can be particularly hurtful when someone with a chronic illness has gone to the trouble (despite the difficulty involved) to “dress up” or put on a “façade” when they are going out in public (leaving their bed and track pants behind)!

The well-intentioned comments can be experienced as “devaluing” the experience of a person with a chronic illness. It can also trigger memories of mistreatment by the medical practitioners who were unable to relate the presenting symptoms to their “medical cookbook”. Annie Brewster (founder of HSC) contends that many patients with chronic illness experience “frustration, invalidation and exhaustion” when their ongoing symptoms don’t fit neatly into the “diagnostic algorithms” of medical practitioners.

As we grow in mindfulness through reflection and sharing our stories, we can increase our sensitivity to the situation and needs of others and experience what Jennifer describes as developing “greater compassion for others”.

During the creative writing segment of our Meetup with Jennifer I wrote the following poem to reflect some of the earlier sharing and my own experience of dealing with medical professionals who consider the existence of MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome – my chronic illness) as controversial as the concept of Lyme disease:

Validation and Accommodation

There’s no place for me in cookbook medicine –
so I don’t have an illness,
it’s all in my head.

Until something happens that is considered serious –
then perspectives change.

I appreciate my body –
the millions of daily decisions,
the miracle of breath,
the ability to write, walk, run and play tennis.

Now my body seems to be letting me down –
treating good food as invaders,
hypervigilant, ever on the alert.

My new bodily reality –
reflecting the dark and light of nature,
creating a challenge to accommodate the “new normal”,
with its remissions and relapses,
enabling and disabling in unpredictable ways.

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Image by Márta Valentínyi from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Breathing with Intention

In our October Creative Meetup we focused on the theme of “breath” catalyzed, in part, by James Nestor’s book, Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art. In our discussion, various poems about “breath” were highlighted. These included Mary Oliver’s poem, I Am Breathing and Rumi’s poem Only Breath where he notes, “first, last, outer, inner, only that breath breathing ”. The poems and James’ book reinforce the essential nature of breathing for human existence – at every moment that we are alive, we are breathing.

We consciously “hold our breath” for many reasons. It may be to swim under water, to steady ourselves before playing a tennis shot or as part of a mindful breathing exercise. However, we often hold our breath unconsciously when we experience fear, anxiety, anger or shock. This was made clear by an exercise we undertook as part of the Creative Meetup. We were asked to think of a time when we held our breath and explore what happened at the time in terms of bodily sensations and emotions.

What immediately came to mind for me was a car accident that I experienced when I was 12 years old. I was travelling with my family and my father was driving us home. At one moment, I looked out the side window of my passenger seat to observe a large car approaching on the left (we were in a small car on a main road). It was as if time stood still as I realised that the oncoming car was going to crash into us and instinctively I held my breath waiting for the impact. We were hit on my mother’s passenger side and ended up upside down at the foot of a four metre embankment. I can’t remember when I exhaled but I was aware that my breathing was erratic and I was in shock.

Learning to breathe with intention

James Nestor recounts how he undertook research with free divers in Greece. These divers were able to dive to incredible depths (up to 300 feet) while holding their breath (not assisted by any breathing apparatus). They could dive to depths that scientists thought were not possible for human beings. What James learned was that these divers considered breathing a conscious act (not unconscious as most of us breathe in our daily lives). For the divers, breathing is a mechanism to achieve depth in diving and they intentionally “coax their lungs to work harder” so that they are able “to tap the pulmonary capabilities that the rest of us ignore”. The divers suggested that anyone who is healthy can achieve what they achieve if they put in the time and energy “to master the art of breathing”.

In talking to a range of divers, James learned that there are multiple ways to breathe and that different ways to breathe “will affect our bodies differently”. The divers explained that various breathing methods can enhance our brains, lengthen our life span or improve our physical and mental health. Other ways we breathe can have the opposite effects. James discovered that the secret to nourishing our brains and enhancing our health is to breathe with intention.

James expanded his personal interview research with divers by exploring the published literature on breathing including books on regulating breathing that were 400 years old. As James points out, many cultures over the centuries have focused on the art of breathing and its benefits, e.g. Buddhists use conscious breathing to reach higher levels of awareness and to achieve longevity. The scientific literature reinforces the view that how we breathe can affect the systems of the body, e.g. our immune and digestive systems. Some of the research, for example, showed that “asthma, anxiety and even hypertension, and psoriasis” could be reversed or reduced by changing the way we breathe.

James’ conclusion from all his research is that we can use conscious breathing “to hack into our nervous system and control our immune response and restore health”. In his book , he sets about providing exercises to enable us to learn to breathe with intention so that we can reach our potential in terms of our mental and physical health.

Reflection

As I listened to the audiobook version of James’ book, Breath, I began to realise that intentional breathing as promoted by him could help me alleviate my MCAS difficulties – which are fundamentally a result of an over-reactive immune system. Calming my immune system through the breathing exercises contained in each chapter of James’ book could enable me to expand my food options, which at the moment are severely limited because of my food sensitivity responses (such as rash, hives, headaches, and nausea).

Many mindfulness teachers demonstrate that we can grow in mindfulness through conscious breathing which enables us to become grounded, calm the mind and body, expand our lung capacity and increase our focus and clarity of thinking.

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Image by John Hain from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

A Journey Into Sobriety

Seana Smith in her memoir, Going Under, graphically describes her journey into sobriety – a state achieved for four years at the time of publishing her book. Her memoir tracks her early childhood, addiction to alcohol and multiple attempts to escape both physically and mentally. For each step forward, there was always a backward step until she found the solution to her addiction. Her insightful, inspiring and humorous account traces the ups and downs of a life burdened by alcohol addiction.

Early childhood

Seana had adverse childhood experiences as a result of her father being a violent alcoholic and the inability of her mother to cope with his addiction and the physical and mental abuse against her. The verbal abuse by her father extended to Seana and her siblings, especially to Callum who had a serious mental health issue. Seana’s home environment lacked consistency and warmth and was constantly unpredictable, despite some happy childhood moments with her parents individually or together.

Year of sobriety

Seana was able to achieve a year of sobriety when her twins were seven years old. The catalyst was a period of heavy drinking that resulted in her trying to pick a fight with her husband, Paul. She was mean to him but fortunately he did not react to her” sarcasm and barbs”. The twins had started school and Seana had a strong sense that her drinking was undermining “her urge to feel healthy and bright and well”. She joined AA and took up ocean swimming which gave her challenge , excitement and a modicum of fear.

Despite this outstanding sobriety effort, Seana dropped back into her old ways, moving from drinking once a week to drinking a bottle a day. Alcohol provided an escape from the mind-numbing routine of motherhood and the associated domesticity. This led her to her endless cycle of “thinking and thinking and thinking about drinking”. She described herself as “white knuckling” as she fought to regain control and overcome the very real physical and mental urge to drink…and drink to excess.

The ever-present opportunity for free drinks from social events added to her pain and temptation, and ultimately resulted in her submission to the impulse to lose control over her drinking habit. While Seana did not consider herself to be an alcoholic, she acknowledged that she engaged in “gray area” drinking, leading to morning hangovers and severe headaches impacting her ability to function fully. She often alternated between moderate drinking and risky drinking.

Trauma and addiction

Gabor Maté contends that addictions, in multiple cases, originate from the pain of adverse childhood events. The addiction, in whatever form it takes, is often an ineffective attempt to remove the trauma-induced pain. The experience of trauma evokes negative self-stories and Seana’s book is replete with continuous self-deprecation. Seana was in the grip of the “need to please” and believed that if she did not drink with others in social settings, she would not be “accepted”. She also acknowledged that in her twenties, she was addicted to sex – another form of failed attempt to escape from trauma pain.

As part of her journey to sobriety, Seana discovered that her father’s “drinking story” continued through her. It impacted her need to “keep moving and moving”. She sought help from a therapist to assist her in “letting go of old trauma”. The therapist employed EMDR therapy to great effect. Seana was able to progressively move beyond the past, focus on the present, express gratitude for the “positive gifts my family and upbringing have given me” and to remember “all the good parts of Dad and Mum” and the adventures they took her and her siblings on.

The journey to sobriety

There are many perspectives on, and paths for, recovering from trauma and its muti-dimensional impacts. The road to sobriety is complicated by trauma-induced beliefs and behaviour. Seana like many others who have achieved sobriety found that it was a very long journey with many setbacks to recovery. She also recognised that recovering from alcohol addiction required multiple pathways which served to positively reinforce each other.

She took up pool swimming that, along with the social encounters and new friends, provided her with release from the physical tension of trying to overcome her alcohol addiction. She also bought a dog, “a wee black poodle called Maisie” – which reduced her urges to escape and travel.

A key to her recovery was listening to sobriety podcasts constantly. From Janey Lee Grace’s podcast, Alcohol Free Life, Seana discovered a solution, “keep the ritual – change the ingredients”, that she was able to implement by substituting “alcohol-free wines, cocktails spirits and mixers” for alcoholic drinks whenever she had a ritual of drinking, e.g. at 5pm. She listened to multiple sobriety podcasts including Annie Grace’s podcast, This Naked Mind. Seana also devoured Annie’s book, This Naked Mind: Find Freedom, Discover Happiness and Change Your Life.

A key factor for Seana in her journey to sobriety and freedom was the use of the affirmation, “My life will be better if I never drink again”. This mindset shift refocused her belief and energy because she had always valued health, fitness and happiness but had pursued these goals in the wrong areas such as social drinking.

Reflection

Going Under is a courageous memoir recording a history of childhood trauma and the constant physical and mental battle to overcome alcohol addiction. It makes you realise what is happening “on the inside” when someone is struggling with such addiction. Seana approaches her story with incredible insight and resilience. Her humour adds character to her insightful tale.

As I read her book, I found that some parts triggered the memory of my father who was an aggressive alcoholic, physically abusing my mother and creating fear for myself and my siblings. Seana’s book helped me to appreciate his internal struggle and the inability of my mother to cope with his alcoholism, sometimes aggravating the situation by berating him when he was drunk. Seana recounts how her own mother learnt a little too late how to relate to an alcoholic partner.

There are multiple social support groups such as The Sober Club developed by Janey Lee Grace which Seana refers to. I have found that the Creative Meetup group hosted by the Health Story Collaborative is a strong support for me while I experience chronic illness and deal with my adverse early childhood experiences as a result of my alcoholic father.

Following one such Creative Meetup on Zoom, I reflected on my father’s war experience and resultant PTSD. It helped me to better understand what he was going through and his daily challenge of just coping with life and family. I wrote a blog post and a reflective poem titled, Paternal Forgiveness, to express my thoughts and feelings at the time.

I found that meditation and prayer helped me immensely to deal with my adverse childhood experiences and gave me the strength to overcome the tendency to addiction. As we grow in mindfulness, we can unearth our negative self-stories, express gratitude for the positive aspects of our life and progressively build courage and resilience.

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Image by Alicia from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

The Trauma-Disease Connection – Lessons Learned

Dr. Aimie Apigian recently conducted a masterclass on the theme, How to Help the Body Live, Love and Let Go. Her guest speaker for the interactive session was Dr. Gabor Maté, world-leading trauma physician and author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. Together they shared their clinical experiences and research and highlighted the lessons learned about the trauma-disease connection.

Gabor highlighted the impact of trauma on the body, reflecting the unity of mind and body. He emphasised that the body is inseparable from all aspects of human existence, including the ecological and social environment. He maintained that his new book, The Myth of Normal, provides insight into the lessons he has learned from “working with trauma in the body”. In writing the book he also drew on thousands of articles and newspaper reports.

Gabor contends that everyone has experienced some form of traumatic experience and that trauma embedded in the mind and body contributes to chronic illness. In his view, healing begins with waking up to the body’s sensations as well as to “what the mind is suppressing”. It is increasingly acknowledged that trauma is not the precipitating experience/event itself but the negative impact on a person’s mind, body and emotions – how the experience/event is internalised.

The early experience of Aimie

In responding to Gabor’s question about what motivated Aimie to study diverse medical fields and to get into trauma healing, she told the story of her early experience in adopting 4 year old Miguel from the foster care system. He had extreme behavioural problems and in his rages would try to kill Aimie. Caring for Miguel and undertaking her third year residency as a doctor resulted in “severe fatigue”. It was then that Aimie came across Gabor’s book, When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress – the title of his YouTube presentation where he discusses the trauma-disease connection resulting from the unity of mind and body.

Aimie’s response to her own trauma-induced health issues was to try to understand Miguel’s behaviour and her own mind/body response. She undertook training in trauma healing and somatic healing through her functional medicine studies. Aimie also completed master’s degrees in biochemistry and public health as well as “specialized training in neuro-autoimmunity, nutrition, and genetics for addictions, mental health, mood, and behavioural disorders”. Her book on The Biology of Trauma looks at trauma’s impact at the cellular level and explores approaches to holistic healing from trauma. The title of her book is also the theme of her podcasts and the focus of her training for other health professionals.

Trauma’s impact

Both Aimie and Gabor stressed the holistic impact of trauma on a human being. They described how someone who has experienced trauma develops a disconnection from themselves and their bodies. In their view, trauma leads to a degeneration of the nervous system, a loss of energy and emotional issues such as depression and anxiety. They point out that the various systems of the body are interconnected and interdependent – so trauma can affect the gut, the cardio-vascular system and the emotional system.

Reflection

As Aimie points out, trauma may result from adult experiences, not just adverse childhood experiences. She emphasised that given trauma’s influence on the whole person – body, mind and emotions – a range of healing modalities may be necessary. For this reason she has undertaken extensive trauma training including Somatic Experiencing, Sociometric Relational Trauma Repair, NeuroAffective Touch and the Instinctual Trauma Response Model.

Mindfulness has a key role to play in healing from trauma. As we grow in mindfulness, we can calm our nervous system, reduce our negative self-stories, get in touch with our bodies and build the resilience to restore our health – thus, gradually breaking the trauma-disease connection.

Aimie offers a 6 week online program, The Foundational Journey, designed to provide a safe way to open up “stored trauma”. The evidence-based program has a strong emphasis on the mind-body connection and provides tools that include somatic healing.

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Image by Daniel R from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Autumn: A Time for Reflection and Shedding

The Health Story Collaborative sponsors a monthly, online Creative Meetup for people anywhere in the world who are experiencing chronic illness or disability. The Meetup via Zoom is facilitated and is designed to enable participants to spend time writing while in a supportive community and, in the process, “to access and release our emotions, personal stories, and creative spirits”. The Health Story Collaborative was created by Dr. Annie Brewster, author of The Healing Power of Storytelling: Using Personal Narrative to Navigate Illness, Trauma and Loss.

During our Creative Meetup session in September, Jennifer Harris (our facilitator) guided us in reflecting on Autumn and the significance of the season in terms of harvesting and shedding. By way of stimulus, Jennifer quoted Mary Oliver’s Fall Song and the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, “Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall”. This led to a session for our creative writing around the themes of “harvesting” and “shedding”.

Autumnal reflections

The four seasons of the year are often used to represent times of transition. Vivaldi’s Four Seasons – “four violin concerti giving musical expression to a season of the year” – epitomises the seasonal transitions we can observe in temperature, the migration of birds, changes in landscapes and in human behaviour. Autumn is associated with harvesting, the gathering of food and growing fur by animals to prepare for the impending winter and significant temperature/weather changes. Many cultures celebrate the arrival of autumn with rites and rituals, especially the Autumnal Equinox (when day and night are equal in length) occurring at the start of Fall (Autumn).

Autumnal rites and rituals often signify change and harvesting. In Japan, the National Autumnal Equinox holiday is a time dedicated to paying respect to “deceased parents, grandparents, and other family members”. In India, Autumn is a time of cleansing. There are various rituals involving shedding to reflect the falling of leaves and regeneration during this season.

Reflections on harvesting

Harvesting is a time of reaping what you have sown. Our reflections focused on the metaphorical meaning of harvesting in terms of abundance or achievements realised throughout the year. We were asked to reflect on blessings we experienced, tending/nurturing received, projects accomplished, and personal growth. Associated with these reflections was encouragement to express gratitude for what we had harvested in our personal life.

I noted the following in terms of my “harvest” during the 2024 year:

Joined the Creative Meetup group of the Health Story Collaborative and participated in the monthly sessions
Integrated the themes and discussion of the Meetups into my blog posts
Wrote poems that reflected the themes of the Meetups and related blog posts – giving creative expression to my feelings
Conceived and structured a book on management – for co-authoring with my colleague (co-facilitator of 80 longitudinal manager development programs, conducted over 16 years)
Organised a publisher for our book and signed a contract for assisted self-publishing
Completed the first draft of 20 chapters of our book on management
Wrote the following posts exploring ways to express gratitude and sharing my gratitude for what I have experienced and am experiencing:

In our discussion of harvesting we acknowledged that it was okay to “harvest less”, given that all participants in the Meetups are people suffering from chronic illness or disability who often experience setbacks in their recovery.

Reflections on Shedding

During autumn we can observe the trees and plants shedding their leaves and fertilising the soil with the decaying material – death generates new life.

There are many things that we can shed if they are holding us back from realising our potential – e.g. identity, old beliefs or expectations. During the Creative Meetup I became aware of the unrealistic expectations I was placing on myself in terms of output for my co-authored book on management. The expectations were not coming from my co-author who is currently consumed by her caring role for an ill relative. The expectations are my own – setting a timeline and trying to determine a daily output.

What I realised is that my personal output expectations needed to be shed in the light of the continuous disruption I am experiencing in relation to health-related issues and medical testing. I have been losing momentum in my writing because of the continuous need to undertake important health-related tasks. I have to accept that this is my current situation and shed my expectations about high levels of output in my writing. I have already changed my expectations of the frequency with which I produce a blog post. However, to date, I have failed to adjust my expectations concerning writing my co-authored book.

My participation in the Creative Meetup with the focus on the autumnal shedding theme, highlighted the need for me to shed my current expectations about output for our book in order to create the freedom and space for other important things such as maintaining good health and my connections with family and friends.

Reflection – a poem

The seasons can help us to grow in mindfulness by enhancing our observation of what is changing around us and cultivating gratitude for what we have experienced and achieved. Autumn promotes reflection on what we have harvested and what we need to shed. I wrote the following poem to reflect the process of shedding:

Autumnal Shedding

Autumn leaves falling softly
Silently seeking the soil.
Shaken from their anchor
Shrivelled, shrunken, distorted shapes.
Shedding, signalling rebirth
Death begets new life.
New growth, new possibilities
Transcending the past.

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Image by Sven Lachmann from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

Paying Attention to the Spaces Between

Chris Willard provided a 12-Minute Meditation podcast on the 15 August this year on the theme, A Meditation to Notice What’s Present and What Isn’t. He noted that spaces are everywhere if we look and by paying attention to the “spaces between” we can grow in awareness of what is around us as well as what is missing. Focusing on the spaces between grounds us in the present, enables us to see the potentiality in spaces and heightens out powers of concentration. Bringing our awareness to these spaces enriches our creativity and deepens our appreciation of the magnitude of our world, the beauty of nature and the uniqueness of the people who are around us.

Chris Willard has a Doctorate in Psychology focusing on neuroscience and positive psychology. He is an author, practising psychologist and consultant, a trainer and faculty member of the Harvard Medical School. He specialises in teaching mindfulness to adolescents and young adults. Chris’ books are readily available on Bookshop.org and his online courses can be accessed on his website. He is the co-author with Olivier Weisser of The In-Between Book – designed as an interactive resource for children to develop mindfulness. Chris is also a public speaker and videos of his talks can be found on YouTube.

Guided mediation

Throughout the podcast, Chris guides us in a meditation process designed to increase our ability to pay attention to the “space between”, both internally and externally. At the outset he suggests that, after adopting a comfortable position, we focus on our breathing. This initial process involves concentrating not only on our in-breath and out-breath but also on the spaces between these – learning to rest in our breathing space between our inhale and exhale.

Spaces between objects in a room

As we progress with this meditation, Chris turns our attention to the spaces between objects in our room:

the shape of objects
the form of spaces between objects
the dimensions of those spaces
how frequently the spaces occur
the patterns of spaces – small, large, irregular
intentional or unintentional spaces
the sense of openness or closure
the visual impression of clarity or clutter.

Spaces between thoughts and emotions

Viktor Frankl reminds us that there is a space between a stimulus and our response and in that space lies our freedom – we can choose how we respond. Chris encourages us to explore this inner space:

what emotion arises with a thought?
what events have given rise to the link between the thought and the emotion?
how often do we employ the S.T.O.P. process to create space before we respond?
are we carrying resentment and its attendant adverse behaviours?
does our inner landscape reflect a stance of “victim or freedom”?
do we have space within for creativity, alternative actions/responses and creating meaning in our lives?

Spaces in nature

Chris is very conscious of the natural world and the spaces within. He encourages us to explore our external world by observing the spaces in nature:

between plants
between trees
between leaves
between gardens and lawns
between water and land
between clouds.

Associated with this noticing is paying attention to:

the shape and colours of clouds
the merging of colours in the sky – yellow into green, red into purple, light into dark
the changing shape and spaces on the horizon
the crowded space of a worm farm
the flight of birds and formations
the sounds of nature and the gaps between
the bird calls and delayed responses
the movement of the wind and the spaces it creates.

Spaces in our interactions with others

Everyday we are in interaction with people close to us, our colleagues, associates and strangers. We can become more conscious of the spaces between us and others by noticing:

how our assumptions and stereotypes leave no room for sustained engagement
how we listen by creating space for others to talk
the pace of our thoughts leaving no gap for deep listening
the absence of spaces in our interactions to truly get to know someone, their life history and their feelings.

Reflection

We can extend our focus on the “spaces between” by reviewing our day:

have we created space for reflection and review?
have we taken the opportunity to pause?
has there been time set aside for walking and/or exercise, adequate sleep and rest?
have we made time for a life review to protect our attention?

Our awareness of space can be shaped by cultural influences and environmental conditions. Often, we need to experience another culture/country to appreciate how we view the “space between”. Following a trip to France, I became so much more aware of my own spatial environment in Brisbane – the space between cars, buildings, people and cities, the openness compared to the “constriction”.

Shelley Davidow in her memoir, Whisperings in the Blood, describes how her grandmother found the environmental shift from America to South Africa disarming – “At night, Africa closes in around the house and bathes it in its foreignness”. Associated with this sense of restriction are the shrieks of nightbirds, grunting of hippos, and the “distant drumming and singing”. Her grandmother was overcome by the open spaces and the loss of “signs of human habitation and civilisation” – the city comforts, landmarks and buildings of various sizes and shapes.

As we grow in mindfulness by paying attention to the “space between’, we can enrich our lives and interactions, enhance our awareness of possibilities, and make room for innovation and creativity. Consciousness of space can improve both our mental and physical health – we can avoid being consumed by the busyness of our life and the endless negative pattern of our thoughts.

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Image by Albrecht Fietz from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.